Elizabeth Taylor Challenged Charlie Sheen to Try and Out-Party Her

Elizabeth Taylor Challenged Charlie Sheen to Try and Out-Party Her

BEVERLY HILLS – During a press conference several weeks before she passed away, a defiant Elizabeth Taylor lashed out at Charlie Sheen, calling his self-described epic drug fests “amateur” and “exaggerated.” Without attempting to hide her profoundly bloodshot eyes from cameras, Taylor told a group of reporters outside the Chateau...
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Sting Admits to Decades Long Affair with Himself

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LOS ANGELES – International rock star and celebrity Gordon Sumner, better known around the world as Sting, admitted on the Tyra Banks Show last week that for the past twenty-five years he’s been having an affair with himself. Audience members gasped, some even running from the studio holding their...
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President Obama and North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Un in Twitter Feud

President Obama and North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Un in Twitter Feud

WASHINGTON – Late last night North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un took to his Twitter account and began a rash of disparaging taunts directed at President Barack Obama. After several weeks of nuclear threats from the young dictator, few were surprised that he would attempt to provoke the president with...
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Reverend Al Sharpton Grills Attorney General Eric Holder

Reverend Al Sharpton Grills Attorney General Eric Holder

WASHINGTON – In June of 2012 MSNBC news anchor Reverend Al Sharpton grilled Attorney General Eric Holder on everything from Fast and Furious to racism. Following is a transcript of that interview: AL SHARPTON:  Welcome Mr. Secretary General of Defense. It’s a pleasure to sponsor you on my show....
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Gary Busey Wants to Discipline Your Children

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MALIBU, CALIFORNIA  – For the rest of his life actor Gary Busey says he wants to discipline children. Last year the Associated Press reported that for several months Busey experienced an uneasy feeling growing inside him. The actor told a reporter he became aware of dramatic changes in himself...
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San Francisco Allows Happy Meals After McDonald’s OK’s Back Room Fisting

San Francisco Allows Happy Meals After McDonald’s OK’s Back Room Fisting

SAN FRANCISCO – Representatives for the McDonald’s Corporation met with members of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors yesterday hoping to settle their dispute over the sale of Happy Meals in San Francisco. Last week the Board of Supervisors voted to pass a law severely curtailing the practice of...
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Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

NEW YORK – Not everyone is complaining about the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) “pat-down” procedures. During a time in which thousands of Americans share their dissatisfaction with being groped and prodded, fondled and squeezed at airports, filmmaker Michael Moore is calling for Americans to “lighten up” and “enjoy” what...
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I’m Thirteen and I Have Gonorrhea Debuts on MTV

I’m Thirteen and I Have Gonorrhea Debuts on MTV

GLENDALE, CALIFORNIA – The much anticipated debut of MTV’s “I’m Thirteen and I Have Gonorrhea” is scheduled to air...
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Crocs – Shoes for People Who’ve Given Up

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New York – A study just released by Columbia University shows that a vast majority of the people who...
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Joe Biden Knocks Toddler Unconscious During White House Easter Egg Hunt

Joe Biden Knocks Toddler Unconscious During White House Easter Egg Hunt

WASHINGTON – The fun and frolic of the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt was cut short on Monday...
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Mother-in-Law Jokes Sully Supreme Court Gay Marriage Hearings

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WASHINGTON – Midway through the second day of Supreme Court arguments on same sex marriage, Chief Justice John Roberts...
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Al Sharpton Educates Pope Francis on Race, Sissies and Prison Showers

Al Sharpton Educates Pope Francis on Race, Sissies and Prison Showers

VATICAN CITY – In a somewhat startling turn of events today, Reverend Al Sharpton managed to obtain approval from...
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Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

NASHVILLE – Former Vice President Al Gore lashed out at the Vatican this morning, calling the tradition of releasing...
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Sequester Cuts Force Obama to Kick Mother-in-Law Out of White House

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WASHINGTON – The White House announced this morning that because of the automatic spending cuts known as sequestration, President...
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Joe Biden: ‘It’s Just Easier to Blow Someone’s Brains Out with a Shotgun’

Joe Biden: ‘It’s Just Easier to Blow Someone’s Brains Out with a Shotgun’

WASHINGTON – While participating in an online forum on Facebook this week, Vice President Biden was asked whether law-abiding...
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NY Times Calls Obama Bicycle Photos ‘Rugged Masculinity Gone Wild!’

NY Times Calls Obama Bicycle Photos ‘Rugged Masculinity Gone Wild!’

NEW YORK – In an editorial on Monday the New York Times gushed over photographs of President Obama riding his bicycle, at one point exclaiming the president was “an example of rugged masculinity gone wild!” The newspaper derided critics of the president, even suggesting that John Boehner and Karl Rove try competing with him...

Beyonce rehearses State of the Union performance

White House Announces Beyonce to Perform at State of the Union Address

WASHINGTON – The White House announced this morning that pop star Beyonce accepted its invitation to perform at the State of the Union address. According to a post on President Obama’s Facebook page, when the president reaches the Speaker’s rostrum in the House chamber to deliver his speech, Beyonce will descend from the rafters of...

I'll give up my gun when you pry it from my cold dead hands

Obama: I’ll Give Up My Shotgun When They Pry it From My Cold Dead Hands

MINNEAPOLIS – The White House was still responding to questions yesterday morning about the photo released last week of President Obama firing his shotgun. When asked by reporters why the White House would circulate the photograph three days prior to Obama’s trip to Minnesota to give a speech on gun violence, Press Secretary Jay...

Joe Biden Calls Michelle Obama’s New Hairstyle Ghetto Chic

Joe Biden Calls Michelle Obama’s New Hairstyle Ghetto Chic

WASHINGTON – At last night’s White House state dinner honoring former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry, Vice President Biden managed to ignite a bit of a firestorm during his address to the honoree and distinguished guests. After thanking Mayor Barry for his public service and congratulating him on his many accomplishments, the vice president strayed...

Celebrities

Russell Crowe Champions Foreskin Russell Crowe Champions Foreskin

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – International movie star Russell Crowe has thrown down the gauntlet regarding...

Prince Charles & Camilla Partied with Charlie Sheen on Eve of Royal Wedding Prince Charles & Camilla Partied with Charlie Sheen on Eve of Royal Wedding

LONDON – Buckingham Palace is buzzing today after news was leaked that Prince Charles...

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Toss Children Off Bridge in Uzbekistan Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Toss Children Off Bridge in Uzbekistan

UZBEKISTAN – A shocked group of citizens in the city of Tashkent told police...

Tyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees Tyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees

NEW YORK – In what has become her signature maneuver as an investigative journalist,...