Eric Holder Vows to Shave Mustache if Ferguson Cop Isn’t Indicted

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FERGUSON, MISSOURI – Attorney General Eric Holder made a surprise appearance Friday at a parking lot protest rally in downtown Ferguson. Arriving by limo, Holder jumped up on the flatbed truck that served as a makeshift stage and waved...
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Hillary Clinton Says Nazi Salute at Book Signing Was Just a Silly Joke

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MARTHA’S VINEYARD – At a crowded book signing yesterday former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was photographed doing a...
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MSNBC Anchor Compares President Obama to Jesus

MSNBC anchor Chris Matthews began his show Hardball last night celebrating the birthday of President Obama. Following is a transcript of that portion of the broadcast. CHRIS MATTHEWS: Tonight we pay tribute to our President, Barack Obama, on his 53rd birthday. Over the years I’ve been laughed at for my allegiance to my president....

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Vice President Biden Admits He Occasionally Takes Out Payday Loans

Vice President Joe Biden visited with Al Sharpton this morning on MSNBC where he spoke candidly about Hillary Clinton, his 2016 presidential aspirations and the financial hardships his family has faced since becoming the vice president. Following is a transcript of that discussion which will air this evening on Sharpton’s show, PoliticsNation, on MSNBC....

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Obama Stops to Sign Autographs at Grisly Los Angeles Crime Scene

INGLEWOOD – Police discovered a gruesome multiple homicide in the home of a Los Angeles school teacher yesterday. The mutilated bodies of five people were scattered throughout the three bedroom, split-level home. At least two of the victims had been decapitated. After a preliminary walk-through of the house with its blood spattered walls and...

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Al Qaeda Jihad Magazine Publishes Its First Swimsuit Issue

YEMEN – In an apparent attempt to escalate worldwide interest in the holy war against infidels, Inspire, al Qaeda’s Internet propaganda magazine, published its first swimsuit issue this week. In a teleconference call from an unknown location in Yemen, a spokesperson for the magazine, someone who called himself Larry, told reporters that Inspire’s swimsuit...

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John Kerry: In An Exceptional America I Wouldn’t Be Secretary of State

Just a day after returning from exhaustive diplomatic talks around the globe, John Kerry appeared on MSNBC’s PoliticsNation with host, Al Sharpton. Following is a transcript of their discussion. AL SHARPTON: I want to welcome a guest to my own show on MSNBC, Secretary of the States, John Kerry. JOHN KERRY:  Thank you. It’s...

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Obama Sends Troops to Border After Learning Illegals Deny Climate Change

McALLEN, Texas - In a surprising turn of events this morning American soldiers began arriving at key crossing points along the Mexican/American border after President Obama ordered U.S. troops to control the influx of immigrants illegally entering the U.S. through Mexico.

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MSNBC Host Praises Obama’s Leadership as Country Implodes

At the start of his show Hardball on MSNBC this afternoon, host Chris Matthews took a moment to praise President Obama for his leadership in the midst of today’s turbulent political environment. Following is a transcript of that portion of his show that airs tonight on MSNBC. CHRIS MATTHEWS:  Before I get started today...

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Sharpton Asks Dick Cheney: ‘Is Obama a Bigger Pussy Than Jimmy Carter?’

This afternoon former Vice President Dick Cheney sat down with Al Sharpton for an exclusive interview on MSNBC. Their conversation will air tonight at 6:00 pm on Sharpton’s show, PoliticsNation. Following is a transcript of that interview. AL SHARPTON:  Today I welcome to my show the former vice president of America. Welcome to my...

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White House Admits Obama Listens to NSA Surveillance of American Citizens

WASHINGTON – During his final press briefing from behind the White House podium Wednesday, departing White House Press Secretary Jay Carney acknowledged that President Obama occasionally listens in on the phone calls of American citizens being monitored by the NSA. Carney said the president’s participation is sporadic and is strictly for amusement and educational...

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Hillary Clinton Dodges Gang Gunfire En-Route to Los Angeles Book Signing

LOS ANGELES – Upon arriving to the signing event for her new book “Hard Choices” at a Century City bookstore this morning, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and daughter Chelsea found themselves caught in the middle of a gang war and were forced to run with their heads down in an effort to...

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Biden Says Released Detainees More Focused on Climate Change Than Jihad

WASHINGTON – While speaking to seniors about shotgun ownership at the Eternal Cul-de-Sac retirement home in Bethesda this morning, Vice President Biden was interrupted several times with questions about President Obama releasing five Guantanamo detainees in exchange for American prisoner, Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl. Each time the vice president brought the conversation back to the...

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Al Gore: ‘Global Warming Will Cause Millions of People’s Heads to Explode’

NEW YORK –  Former Vice President Al Gore issued a joint statement with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) this morning warning that unless drastic measures are taken this year to curb global warming, millions of people’s heads are going to explode. Speaking to U.N. delegates at the One World Economic Forum, Gore...

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Al Sharpton Urges Vladimir Putin To Take Obama Horseback Riding

This afternoon Russian President Vladimir Putin appeared on MSNBC with Reverend Al Sharpton to discuss the turmoil in Ukraine. Following is a transcript of that interview which airs tomorrow night on MSNBC’s, PoliticsNation. AL SHARPTON:  My guest tonight is the leader of the Soviet’s Union, Battamier Prutin. He joins us via saturnite from Russia....

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MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obama’s Buttocks

In the final moments of taping his show on MSNBC today, Chris Matthews invited several of the network’s commentators to pay tribute to Michelle Obama. Following is a transcript of that discussion which will air tonight on MSNBC. CHRIS MATTHEWS:  A couple of weeks ago the remarkable Michelle Obama celebrated her 50th birthday. I...

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Joe Biden Admits Taking Viagra Before Attending State of the Union Address

WASHINGTON – During Tuesday night’s State of the Union address Vice President Biden admitted to Speaker of the House John Boehner that he’d accidentally taken Viagra pills before arriving for the event. This morning, after giving a talk on shotgun ownership to seniors at a Bethesda nursing home, the vice president came clean when...

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Chris Christie’s Staff Blames Bridge Closing on Anti-Islam Video

TRENTON – This afternoon staff members loyal to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie alleged that the September closing of traffic lanes leading to the George Washington bridge was the result of a spontaneous reaction to an anti-Islam YouTube video. Although Gov. Christie has apologized for “unwittingly” misleading the public, calling the bridge closing “embarrassing...

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Obama Appoints Reverend Al Sharpton Global Warming Czar

WASHINGTON – During this morning’s White House briefing Jay Carney confirmed President Obama will appoint Al Sharpton to be the administration’s new Global Warming Czar. Carney said the president was astonished at the scientific brilliance Sharpton displayed when he explained man-made climate change earlier this week on MSNBC. “The president happened to tune into...

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Al Sharpton Slams Michelle Obama: ‘You Cock-Blocked the President!’

KAILUA, Hawaii – The White House was so impressed with Michelle Obama’s guest spot on Al Sharpton’s afternoon radio show a few weeks ago that the first lady agreed to appear on Sharpton’s MSNBC cable news show tonight. The interview was taped this morning in Hawaii where the Obama’s are vacationing for the holidays....

Thedailyrash.comObama Welcomes America’s First Transgender Baby to White House

WASHINGTON – This afternoon top administration officials and celebrities joined President and Mrs. Obama...

Obama & KerryJohn Kerry Enters Rehab After White House Stages Botox Intervention

WASHINGTON – This morning the White House acknowledged that President Obama invited John Kerry...

Thedailyrash.comPresident Obama Awards Himself the Presidential Medal of Freedom

WASHINGTON – On Wednesday President Obama presented awards to seventeen honorees of the Presidential...

Thedailyrash.comBiden: ‘Obama Doesn’t Lie. He’s an Articulate & Clean African American’

WASHINGTON – What was supposed to have been a friendly town hall meeting for...

Thedailyrash.comAl Sharpton’s New Book Sells Over a Dozen Copies in Less Than a Month

NEW YORK – Reverend Al Sharpton’s new book, “The Rejected Stone: Al Sharpton and...

Obama-BidenObama and Biden Caught Making Fun of Health Care Law on Hot Mic

WASHINGTON – To the dismay of democrats and republicans alike, a CNN cameraman with...

Biden:PutinJoe Biden Denies Asking Vladimir Putin to be Running Mate in 2016

WASHINGTON – During his interview with Chris Matthews on MSNBC’s Hardball, Vice President Biden...

Alec-Baldwin-Twitter-Rant-628-2Alec Baldwin Shocks Dinner Guests, Calls New Baby ‘Dirty Little Whore’

NEW YORK – An intimate dinner party held at Alec Baldwin’s Manhattan home last...

obama-putinObama Asks Putin for Help Passing Immigration Reform Through Congress

WASHINGTON – The White House confirmed today that President Obama has reached out to...

DSCN3665New York City Parents Elated About Morning-After Pill For 11-Year-Olds

“It’s just a wonderful feeling knowing my government cares enough about our children to...

Thedailyrash.comObama Furious After Vladimir Putin Unfriends Him on Facebook

WASHINGTON – The turmoil that was generated between Russia and the United States after...

Thedailyrash.comAl Sharpton Asks George Zimmerman, ‘Do You Want to Shoot Me?’

In a bewildering turn of events that has rocked the world of cable news,...

Thedailyrash.comAnthony Weiner Campaign Ad May Violate Obscenity Laws

WASHINGTON – Just hours after his campaign manager resigned Monday afternoon, New York City...

Thedailyrash.comPresident Obama’s Stunning Admission: ‘White Part of Me is Racist’

NEW YORK – During his appearance on ‘The View’ this morning, President Obama joked...

Thedailyrash.comPresident Obama and North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Un in Twitter Feud

WASHINGTON – Early this morning North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un took to his Twitter...

Al SharptonAl Sharpton: The Obama Interview

WASHINGTON – Before embarking on his trip to Africa on Wednesday, President Obama stopped...

crockCrocs – Shoes for People Who’ve Given Up

New York – The surprising results of a study just released by Columbia University...

Joe Biden Knocks Toddler Unconscious During White House Easter Egg Hunt Joe Biden Knocks Toddler Unconscious During White House Easter Egg Hunt

WASHINGTON – The fun and frolic of the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt...

NY Times Calls Obama Bicycle Photos ‘Rugged Masculinity Gone Wild!’ NY Times Calls Obama Bicycle Photos ‘Rugged Masculinity Gone Wild!’

NEW YORK – In an editorial earlier this week the New York Times gushed...

thedailyrash.comMother-in-Law Jokes Sully Supreme Court Gay Marriage Hearings

WASHINGTON – Midway through the second day of Supreme Court arguments on same sex...

Al Sharpton Educates Pope Francis on Race, Sissies and Prison Showers Al Sharpton Educates Pope Francis on Race, Sissies and Prison Showers

VATICAN CITY – In a somewhat startling turn of events today, Reverend Al Sharpton...

Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

NASHVILLE – Former Vice President Al Gore lashed out at the Vatican this morning,...

TheDailyRash.comSequester Cuts Force Obama to Kick Mother-in-Law Out of White House

WASHINGTON – The White House announced this morning that because of the automatic spending...

Joe Biden: ‘It’s Just Easier to Blow Someone’s Brains Out with a Shotgun’ Joe Biden: ‘It’s Just Easier to Blow Someone’s Brains Out with a Shotgun’

WASHINGTON – While participating in an online forum on Facebook this week, Vice President...

Beyonce rehearses State of the Union performanceWhite House Announces Beyonce to Perform at State of the Union Address

WASHINGTON – The White House announced this morning that pop star Beyonce accepted an...

I'll give up my gun when you pry it from my cold dead handsObama: I’ll Give Up My Shotgun When They Pry it From My Cold Dead Hands

MINNEAPOLIS – The White House was still responding to questions yesterday morning about the...

Joe Biden Calls Michelle Obama’s New Hairstyle Ghetto Chic Joe Biden Calls Michelle Obama’s New Hairstyle Ghetto Chic

WASHINGTON – At last night’s White House State Dinner honoring former D.C. Mayor Marion...

Inaugural CheerleadersThe Addition of Cheerleaders at Obama Inauguration Fails to Boost TV Ratings

WASHINGTON – For the first time in the history of American presidential inaugurations, cheerleaders...

Hillary & AlAl Sharpton Talks with Hillary Clinton about Benghazi, Blood Clots and Bill’s Penis

NEW YORK – In her first interview since stepping down as Secretary of State,...

Al GoreAl Gore Trapped in Blizzard En Route to Climate Fundraiser

CHICAGO – Former vice president and current global warming superstar, Albert Arnold Gore Jr.,...

0Chris Matthews Slams Undecided Voter on MSNBC

WASHINGTON – Chloe Sanders, a twenty year-old undecided voter from Baltimore, was visiting the...

PoliticsNationAl Sharpton and Joe Biden Discuss Obama’s Ramrod Backbone

WASHINGTON – Following Tuesday night’s debate between President Obama and Mitt Romney, Vice President...

FilmmakerCIA Operatives Waterboard Producer of Anti-Islam Movie

WASHINGTON – A high level source inside the White House alleges that last weekend...

Pick up the presidentFor $25 Obama Campaign Lets Donors Pick the President Up and Hold Him

WASHINGTON – In an effort to raise additional campaign cash the Obama administration has...

Joe BidenBiden Says Department of Homeland Security Crawling with Lesbians

WASHINGTON – With the demonstrations and subsequent military coup in Egypt drawing the bulk...

Republican racial code bookChris Matthews Unveils Photograph of Republican Racial Code Book

NEW YORK – This afternoon on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews, host Chris Matthews...

todd_akin_AP602448376567_fullwidth_620x350Todd Akin Pledges to Double Rapists’ Child Support Payments

ST. LOUIS – In an effort to gain support from Missouri voters who might...

Joe Biden Speaks at Michigan Mosque Wearing a Burqa Joe Biden Speaks at Michigan Mosque Wearing a Burqa

DEARBORN, MI – After being under under the radar for the past several weeks,...

Al SharptonMitt Romney’s Rope-a-Dope with Reverend Al Sharpton

NEW YORK – With just days to go before the 2012 presidential election, Mitt...

reid.pelosiNancy Pelosi Says She Probably Won’t Watch Romney Sex Tape

WASHINGTON – House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi came to the defense of Senator Harry...

Harry Reid: ‘Bain Investor Told Me There’s a Mitt Romney Sex Tape’ Harry Reid: ‘Bain Investor Told Me There’s a Mitt Romney Sex Tape’

WASHINGTON – In an interview with The Huffington Post, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid...

Mayor MeninoBoston Mayor Claims Fight Against Chick-fil-A Prevented Homosexual Holocaust

BOSTON – According to members of his staff, when Mayor Thomas Menino was told...

Joe Biden Visits Kids at Summer Camp, Trivializes Parents’ Success Joe Biden Visits Kids at Summer Camp, Trivializes Parents’ Success

BALTIMORE – During a fundraising expedition in Maryland over the weekend, Vice President Biden...

Barbara Walters Lands First Interview with 3-Month-Old Colorado Shooting Victim Barbara Walters Lands First Interview with 3-Month-Old Colorado Shooting Victim

COLORADO – ABC News announced today that Barbara Walters has landed the first interview...

Obama Makes Surprise Appearance on The Jerry Springer Show Obama Makes Surprise Appearance on The Jerry Springer Show

CINCINNATI – Before taking the stage Monday at the Cincinnati Music Hall ballroom, President...

Obama Campaign Accuses Romney of Holding Up Boston Gas Station Obama Campaign Accuses Romney of Holding Up Boston Gas Station

WASHINGTON – After a week of assertions that Mitt Romney committed a felony with...

1328291677NAACP Endorses Mitt Romney!

HOUSTON – This afternoon, just days after its members booed him as he addressed...

Michael BloombergMayor Bloomberg’s Impassioned Crusade for Mandatory Breastfeeding

NEW YORK – New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced today that women who...

President Obama Vows to Repeal Health Care Law President Obama Vows to Repeal Health Care Law

BEVERLY HILLS – At a fundraising dinner last night in the home of Kim...

Reverend Al Sharpton Grills Attorney General Eric Holder Reverend Al Sharpton Grills Attorney General Eric Holder

WASHINGTON – Last night on PoliticsNation, MSNBC news anchor Reverend Al Sharpton grilled Attorney...

Meteorologist Rosie O’Donnell Says Deadly Tornadoes Caused by Global Warming Meteorologist Rosie O’Donnell Says Deadly Tornadoes Caused by Global Warming

NEW YORK – Internationally famous meteorologist and comedian, Rosie O’Donnell, has determined that global...

Cybill Shepherd Willing to Die Protesting the War On Women Cybill Shepherd Willing to Die Protesting the War On Women

NEW YORK – A defiant Cybill Shepherd shocked “CBS This Morning” television viewers Friday...

New Black Panthers Use Zimmerman Bounty For Trip To Disney World New Black Panthers Use Zimmerman Bounty For Trip To Disney World

SANFORD, FLA – After George Zimmerman was arrested in April of last year for...

Al Sharpton Interviews Pilot of Navy Jet That Crashed Into Apartment Building Al Sharpton Interviews Pilot of Navy Jet That Crashed Into Apartment Building

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA – One of the two pilots of the Navy F-18 jet...

Gingrich Raised Additional Campaign Cash with Yard Sale Gingrich Raised Additional Campaign Cash with Yard Sale

McLEAN, VIRGINIA – In what appears to be a last ditch effort to resuscitate...

Obama and Biden Celebrate ObamaCare Anniversary with Cupcakes Obama and Biden Celebrate ObamaCare Anniversary with Cupcakes

WASHINGTON – On Friday afternoon Vice President Biden surprised President Obama with candle-lit cupcakes...

Hillary Clinton Performs Hilarious Stroke Victim Impersonation at U.N. Hillary Clinton Performs Hilarious Stroke Victim Impersonation at U.N.

NEW YORK – In a rare display of lighthearted spontaneity at a United Nation’s...

Vice President Biden Endorses Rick Santorum Vice President Biden Endorses Rick Santorum

WASHINGTON – In a surprising turn of events today, Vice President Joe Biden announced...

Sandra Fluke:  I Was Having Sex When President Obama Called Me Sandra Fluke: I Was Having Sex When President Obama Called Me

Just a week ago Georgetown University student Sandra Fluke was a normal thirty year-old...

Rick Santorum Performs Exorcism in Walmart Parking Lot Rick Santorum Performs Exorcism in Walmart Parking Lot

CHICAGO – In February of 2012, following his speech to a group of supporters...

Hope and Change for Real This Time Hope and Change for Real This Time

CARRBORO, NC – The Obama administration announced yesterday that their 2012 Presidential campaign “Hope...

Obama’s Approval Rating Rises After Joe Biden Emasculates Himself Obama’s Approval Rating Rises After Joe Biden Emasculates Himself

CAMBRIDGE, Md. – During the speech he delivered at the annual House Democratic retreat...

Ahmadinejad Halts Iran’s Nuclear Plans After Madonna’s Super Bowl Performance Ahmadinejad Halts Iran’s Nuclear Plans After Madonna’s Super Bowl Performance

Tehran – Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that he’s terminated all Iranian nuclear...

Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress

FOXBOROUGH, MASS – After missing what would have been a game-tying field goal in...

World Celebrates Alec Baldwin’s Return to Twitter World Celebrates Alec Baldwin’s Return to Twitter

When Alec Baldwin abandoned Twitter I think I was in a state of shock....

Rick Perry Says Romney Beat Poor Elderly Woman with a Polo Mallet Rick Perry Says Romney Beat Poor Elderly Woman with a Polo Mallet

New Hampshire – After getting walloped in Tuesday’s New Hampshire Republican primary, Texas Governor...

Gingrich Campaign Denies Hiring Man to Stare at Mitt Romney During Debate Gingrich Campaign Denies Hiring Man to Stare at Mitt Romney During Debate

NEW HAMPSHIRE – Newt Gingrich’s campaign manager denies that anyone on his staff paid...

Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

DENVER – The Denver Broncos announced today that they’ve signed Jesus Christ to a...

Thedailyrash.comMacy’s Fires Another Santa Claus for Drinking on the Job

NEW YORK – Macy’s department store has fired yet another Santa Claus employee for...

Congressman Frank doing his Elmer Fudd "look"Barney Frank In Salary Negotiations For Elmer Fudd Role

NEW YORK – DreamWorks Studios announced today that they are in the final stages...