BEAVERTON, OREGON – Rod Sterling has been the assistant manager of Beaverton’s Chuck E. Cheese restaurant for eleven years. He’s had to deal with surly children, spilled drinks and crying toddlers. He’s helped burp babies, break up fights and calm impatient mothers. But for all his experiences in his eleven years as assistant manager...
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NEW YORK – In what the New York Times is calling “a bear-hug of openness and transparency,” project organizers for the Ground Zero Mosque announced yesterday the inclusion of a Jihad Fantasy Camp for Kids at the future lower Manhattan facility. Organizers said that the camp would be a “learning bridge between east and...
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DALLAS, TEXAS – Top executives at 7-Eleven announced today that the company plans to implement prostate examinations into its ever growing menu of services. Speaking to a large group of 7-Eleven employees, senior director of sales Gilbert Mann expressed his excitement about adding prostate examinations in five million 7-Eleven stores by August. The response...
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New York – A study just released by Columbia University shows that people who lack enthusiasm, who don’t look forward to anything, who have no imagination and who don’t have anything to say – comprise the vast majority of people who wear Crocs shoes. The study also found that the majority of women who...
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WASHINGTON, DC – The White House announced this morning that President Obama has changed his mind and decided against Elena Kagan as his choice to replace John Paul Stevens as Supreme Court Justice. Although it was announced yesterday that the president had chosen Kagan, administration insiders say that the president did a complete about-face...
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GULF OF MEXICO – After a fun filled day of snorkeling and water skiing in the Gulf of Mexico, the Dunlap family is exhausted! Herb and Stella Dunlap almost canceled their long awaited beach vacation last week after news of the large oil spill in the Gulf. Family and friends warned that it might...
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WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Joe Biden issued a press statement today from his bedroom at the Vice Presidential residence in Washington: “I want to apologize for my words and actions yesterday at the annual White House Family Picnic. I had a few too many… and from what I’ve been told, may have made...
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TOPEKA, KANSAS – The pews of the Westboro Baptist Church sat empty on Easter Sunday. The doors to the church were locked, the bells remained still. The pulpit remained free from the spiritual teachings of Reverend Fred Phelps who would, on a normal Easter Sunday, be channeling the message of God to his flock...
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WASHINGTON, DC – Senior White House officials have confirmed that President Obama’s invitation to Ohio Congressman, Dennis Kucinich, to ride with him on Air Force One was indeed intended to sway Mr. Kucinich’s vote on national health care. Until last week, Dennis Kucinich was a NO vote on the health care bill. Kucinich, a...
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GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA – As Nancy Lilt washed the hair of detainee Momar Khalic Osimian Gargoylamainia Husein, she spoke with The Daily Rash about her gripe with the Obama administration, particularly Attorney General Eric Holder. “We fly down here to Guantanamo Bay to fix these guys up, and they take their time paying us?...
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