MIAMI, FLORIDA – Former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson is a man with a mission. His obsession with completing that mission is so consuming that it overshadows the glory and grandeur of his former college and professional football coaching days. His desire is so strong and powerful that he only sleeps three hours a night...
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LOS ANGELES – As the bodies pile up at the city morgue and inner city alleyways, the residents of Los Angeles continue to celebrate their Lakers’ victory in the NBA championship against the Boston Celtics. Several cars continued to smolder as the sun rose following a night of raucous partying by a city that...
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NEW ORLEANS, LA – The New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts yesterday in Miami to become the Super Bowl Champions of the National Football League. When the game ended, patrons at French Quarter bars on Bourbon Street celebrated by gathering on the street. As thousands of people danced and clapped their hands, others...
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NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – Brett Favre hobbled off the field grimacing and moaning, clutching various parts of his body and screaming his mother’s name. He shuffled off the field of the Louisiana Superdome having lost the NFC Championship to the New Orleans Saints. As he entered the locker room his wife Deanna met him...
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LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK – MSNBC news commentator Keith Olbermann was evicted from his Mother’s basement by Suffolk County Police yesterday. Olbermann, who is about to turn fifty one years old, has lived in the basement for over thirty- two years. According to neighbors, Mrs. Olbermann told her son that it was time that...
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WHITTIER, CA – In what appears to be a freak accident, a man inadvertently decapitated his own son while swinging at a pitch during a neighborhood softball game. Nine year old Carl Carson Jr. was taken to Whittier Memorial Hospital by family members who pleaded with doctors to re-attach his head, but to no...
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MATEHUALA, MEXICO – As villagers and guests looked on, Yoko Ono’s bid for Evander Holyfield was ceremonially accepted and then approved. As the crowd applauded, Ono signed the papers that guaranteed her ownership of the beleaguered and cash strapped ex-heavyweight champion of the world. “I’ve always wanted to own a black American,” gushed Ms....
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NFL commissioner Robert Goodell announced today that beginning in December all NFL players will be required to dance after every play. “We feel that since the majority of players for the past many years have celebrated after either scoring, running, tackling, blocking, being penalized, wearing a uniform or just being an NFL player –...
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President Barack Obama called a high level security meeting with CIA and FBI officials yesterday to discuss assassinating Osama bin Laden. Though the meeting itself is not unusual, the fine points of the discussion (which have just been leaked by an anonymous source) are quite intriguing. The administration has revealed that Serena Williams is...
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