Man Decapitates His Son During Family Softball Game
WHITTIER, CA – In what appears to be a freak accident, a man inadvertently decapitated his own son while swinging at a pitch during a neighborhood 
softball game. Nine year old Carl Carson Jr. was taken to Whittier Memorial Hospital by family members who pleaded with doctors to re-attach his head, but to no avail.
“We just can’t put a head back on a body. It just isn’t possible at this time. Maybe at some point in the not too distant future we might accomplish it. But today it just isn’t possible.” Doctor Lambert Pettit told The Daily Rash.
“Now, it wasn’t all that long ago when we couldn’t even re-attach an arm or leg.” He looked over at Dr. Hank Hammonds who’d just joined him. “How long ago was it when we couldn’t even put a finger back on a hand, Hank?”
“Hell, you don’t really have to go back all that far,” sighed Dr. Hammonds. “If you wanted, I could look through some of my med-school notes and see if I could find the exact date. I’m sure I wrote it down.”
“It was a harrowing event.” Dr. pettit continued, “In all my years, I’ve never been handed a human head before. I’m standing in the emergency room holding that boy’s head while his mother is screaming at me to sew it back on the body that her two other kids were dragging up the hallway while their Father parked the car.”
The Daily Rash went back to the park and found several witnesses to the tragedy. Robert Milsap was selling cotton candy from a nearby snack bar.
“I’d just gotten an order for six cotton candies, my biggest order of the day, so I had my back turned when I heard a scream. I figured a pervert had exposed himself to a young girl or something. I chuckled to myself and kept wrapping the cotton when I heard more screams. Although my curiosity was piqued, I still had a couple more sticks to cotton…I pride myself on customer service. But when I heard “I got the head! I got the head!” I had to look and see what the hell was going on.”
Mr. Milsap said what he saw changed his life.
“I saw a bunch of people diving into those bushes. A guy comes running out saying I got it! I got it! It wasn’t until I saw the body lying on home-plate that I realized something wasn’t right. When I found out it was the headless body of that boy, I thought I was going to be sick. I closed down. And wouldn’t you know, the folks who ordered those six cotton candies never did pay me.”
Umpire Pete Fontaine told The Daily Rash that it was the bottom of the ninth inning with two outs and Mr. Carson’s team was behind by two runs. There were two men on base and it was a full count. The next pitch could decide the game.
“Carl Jr was playing catcher and his Dad was up to bat. With every pitch Carl was yelling “Strike the bum out!” and laughing. It was all good fun, but Mr. Carson wasn’t laughing. On the second strike Mr. Carson looked back at his son who was laughing at him. He scowled and said that he was going to hit the longest home-run of his life.”
“Well, the pitch came in high and far short of the plate. I guess little Carl saw it was going to be a ball so he jumped out to snag the pitch. But his Dad stepped into the pitch and swung as hard as he could. He even screamed out when he swung. The only problem was, Carl had stood up and he was right in the path of the swing. Caught him right smack in the back of his head. The swing was so powerful, so violent, that it tore his head right off his body and into the bushes. Mr. Carson didn’t even realize he’d just taken his kid’s head off. He started running to first base! Thought he’d hit the longest home run of his life!”
A closed casket funeral will be held tomorrow at 11:00 AM. Mr. Carson told The Daily Rash that everyone has agreed to a do-over game after the funeral.
“It was a tragedy what happened,” he said, adjusting his baseball cap. “But we’ll beat em tomorrow.”
