A Shirtless Levi Johnston Will Diaper Your Baby
LAS VEGAS – As the flame begins to flicker on his fifteen minute candle, Levi Johnston held a press conference at Palace Station Hotel and Casino to announce the opening of his new company, Frontier Diaper Service. At least twenty two people, mostly elderly tourists, gathered as Levi waved and offered to sign autographs. A mariachi band played momentarily until a hotel manager informed Levi’s publicist that he needed to start preparing the room for that night’s Keno championship.
Levi Johnston told the bystanders that his new company offered on-call diaper changing services. With just a phone call Levi himself will come to your house, take his shirt off, and change your baby’s diaper. Oohs and ahhs were murmured as a baby was brought out and placed on a table. Levi Johnston walked over to the baby, looked up at the bystanders and removed his shirt. He stared at the elderly tourists, seeming to expect some sort of reaction, and then he grabbed a disposable diaper and changed the child. The baby was then removed and Levi put his shirt back on to a smattering of applause. Hotel workers then began moving the Keno tournament equipment into the room.
The Daily Rash interviewed Mr. Johnston in the parking lot several minutes later.
The Daily Rash: Let’s talk about your new company Frontier Diaper Service.
Levi: OK
The Daily Rash: Where did the idea come from?
Levi: I was changing Tripp’s diaper one day and my Uncle told me I did it pretty good.
The Daily Rash: Changed the diaper pretty good?
Levi: Yeah.
The Daily Rash: So that moment gave you the idea for your company?
Levi: Then my Uncle asked me to change the diaper with my shirt off. When I did, he told me I really did a good job.
The Daily Rash: Then you got the idea for your company?
Levi: Actually, it was a few days later when my Uncle asked me to take my shirt off and change Tripp’s diaper again. He told me that he’d told all his friends about what a good job I did.
The Daily Rash: Let’s change topics for a moment. Any idea what Sarah Palin thinks about your new company?
Levi: She’s probably jealous! (Levi laughs)
The Daily Rash: You think she’s jealous?
Levi: Probably! Wouldn’t you be?
The Daily Rash: There have been numerous reports of late that you have filed to get custody of your son. Can you confirm those reports?
Levi: I don’t know. I’m going to court to adopt my son.
The Daily Rash: So The Daily Rash can confirm that you are attempting to get sole custody of your son?
Levi: I don’t know about that. But I want custody I guess, not adopt him.
The Daily Rash: Some people have wondered why a young man your age would want the responsibility of raising a child on his own. Won’t your life be severely restricted if you are saddled with a small child?
Levi: Who’s gonna restrict me? I have my own apartment now.
The Daily Rash: Do you plan to raise him all by yourself? Is anyone going to help you?
Levi: I’m sure my Mom would.
The Daily Rash: How long do you plan to earn a living diapering babies without wearing a shirt?
Levi: Hell, I can put on diapers for a long time without even getting tired.
Several elderly couples who’d just watched Levi change the diaper called to him as they walked by. Levi looked up at them, took his shirt off and waved.
The Daily Rash: Are the reports of a lucrative book deal true?
Levi: (Putting his shirt back on) I don’t know what kind of book it will be. Probably about hunting and stuff about the Governor.
The Daily Rash: What if Todd and Sarah Palin asked you to diaper their baby? Would you do it?
Levi: As long as they pay, I don’t know why not.
The elderly couples who’d just walked past drove by in their car and honked. Levi struggled to get his shirt off… and then waved. He continued waving as the car disappeared into the Vegas heat.
