Chelsea Clinton to Host Spin Class in Haiti
Chelsea Clinton arrives in Haiti
PORT AU PRINCE, HAITI – Chelsea Clinton plans to do her part to raise money for Haitian relief efforts by hosting a special Spin-class in Port Au Prince.
Chelsea arrived in Haiti on Tuesday with former President William Jefferson Clinton. She asked to join her father on his mission to coordinate efforts to get food and medical supplies to victims, so that she could “be a part of history.”
Confidential sources tell The Daily Rash that President Clinton was not enthusiastic about Chelsea joining him on his relief mission.
“All I can tell you is, he was very concerned that Hillary had asked Chelsea to keep an eye on him,” the source whispered. “And I think you know what I mean by keeping an eye on him!” He tapped his foot nervously.
“Hillary is constantly in other countries, attending high priority meetings and participating in really important things. She hasn’t a clue what her husband is up to and has no way of finding out!”
Peering around the corner nervously, he whispered. “After Edwards was caught with that impregnated woman, Hillary isn’t taking any chances!”
When The Daily Rash asked if it might be a bit absurd to worry about the former President in a country ravaged by a deadly earthquake, the source sighed heavily.
“Think about it. How many Caribbean islands are there surrounding this horrible catastrophe? Hell, there’s still a luxury cruise line docked at a port outside the capital! What if they have a Karaoke lounge?”
Chelsea was asked to co-host a Spin-class fundraiser at a premier New York City cycling studio where she is a regular. Customers were invited to take part in the 90-minute ride with Chelsea and several top spin instructors. If anyone paid to participate, the money will be sent to Haiti, minus administrative expenses.
A presidential aide said that Chelsea decided to host her own Spin-class after she arrived in Haiti. “She figured if she was good enough to co-host in NYC, why couldn’t she host her own Spin-class in a third world country that was just destroyed?”
But he said that Chelsea was perturbed when she was unable to locate a workout studio in Port Au Prince.
“She became very agitated when we informed her that it was difficult to find a building intact, let alone one that included a fitness center!” The U.N. official grimaced. “Plus, who the hell is going to pay to ride a stationary bike with Chelsea Clinton when people are dying in the streets?”
Chelsea convinced her dad to have a stationary bike flown in from America. Secret Service members searched diligently to find any kind of structure in the devastated city where Miss Clinton could hold her exercise class. When the search proved fruitless, Chelsea made a call to her Dad. Now there’s a construction crew building a BALLYS fitness center on top of what used to be a liquor store.
BALLYS representative Carol Baker told The Daily Rash that crews are working around the clock to have the fitness center open for Chelsea’s Spin-class tomorrow.
“She only has the one stationary bike. But except for her dad and a couple of secret service guys, I don’t know who’s going to be there. Chelsea has told us that Geraldo Rivera might be there to interview her, possibly taking a Spin-class. But it has been confirmed that President Clinton already pledged $75 to his daughter’s Spin-class fundraiser.”
If she can garner a seven figure advance, Chelsea Clinton will co-author a book about her experiences when she returns to America. Plans for a badminton fundraiser in Somalia are in the works for early next year.
