This afternoon Russian President Vladimir Putin appeared on MSNBC with Reverend Al Sharpton to discuss the turmoil in Ukraine. Following is a transcript of that interview which airs tomorrow night on MSNBC’s, PoliticsNation.
AL SHARPTON: My guest tonight is the leader of the Soviet’s Union, Battamier Prutin. He joins us via saturnite from Russia. Welcome to my show, Mr. Leader.
VLADIMIR PUTIN: (nods)
SHARPTON: I should inform you upfront that since I’m host of my own news show on MSNBC I’m expectated to ask the tough questions. I’m also an African American man of color. Shall we proceed?
SHARPTON: Mr. Leader, you are in the headlines on a daily basis. Last summer you rescued our commander of chiefs from a debarnacle in Cereal and recently you hosted the game of Olympics in your country. Now there is a Ukrainium outbreak of revolution in Clamitia and President Obama has sort of given you an ultramaiden. What say you?
PUTIN: If people in Ukraine have chlamydia it’s because they not use rubbers.
PUTIN: Your president is harmless. He draws lines, he erases lines. What line mean to me?
SHARPTON: (snickers) Well, if you step on the line there could be catastrophic consequencials.
PUTIN: What consequences?
SHARPTON: Commander Obama could use the drone on you. He’s getting to be a sharp shooter with that thing.
PUTIN: If Obama use drone on Russia, we shoot down. Not afraid of drone.
PUTIN: Yes. I wear shirt.
SHARPTON: I mention that because I’ve seen lots of pictures of you without your shirt on.
PUTIN: If you like I send you autographed picture.
SHARPTON: (snickers) No thanks. I don’t need people thinking I’m light in my loafers, if you know what I mean.
PUTIN: I do not know what you mean.
SHARPTON: I don’t want to give the impersonation that I might be homo.
PUTIN: You do homo impersonation?
SHARPTON: (snickers) Actually, I used to do a pretty good impersonation, but here in America we are sensitive about our homos now. Unlike your country, if you don’t mind me saying.
SHARPTON: Mr. Leader, how come you treat the LGBT community like senecrat citizens?
PUTIN: I do not know what you just said.
SHARPTON: You are against the gays and transmembers. You don’t let them get married or hold hands in department stores.
PUTIN: Many of your states do not allow them to marry.
SHARPTON: But they let them hold hands.
PUTIN: That is their prerogative.
PUTIN: I do not know what you are saying.
SHARPTON: Let’s move on, Mr. Leader. On top of everything else going on, there have been pussies rioting on your continent.
SHARPTON: In fact, my producers tell me that sometimes you whip the pussies. What say you?
PUTIN: (sly smile) What can I say?
SHARPTON: But the big story today is the upheaval in your Ukrainium. Last week Vice President Biden called the new Ukrainial Primister on the phone and sent tidings of great support.
PUTIN: (shifts his position and sighs) No offense, but your Joe Biden is buffoon.
PUTIN: What is racist about it?
SHARPTON: Cause you’re calling someone from a different race a baboon. That is a deromatory term.
PUTIN: Me and your Joe Biden are same race.
SHARPTON: Not according to him. He tells everybody he’s Irish.
SHARPTON: Let’s move on. The White House says if you don’t leave the Ukrainials alone President Obama may cancel his trip to your country in June.
PUTIN: We deal with that in June.
SHARPTON: He also said he was deeply concerned.
PUTIN: We see what happens in June.
SHARPTON: (looks surprised) And that’s it?
SHARPTON: Mr. Leader, it might be constructed if you showed President Obama some respect.
PUTIN: I show respect.
SHARPTON: Are you being mean to our leader because he’s an African American man of color?
PUTIN: I save him from humiliation in Syria. He was same color then.
SHARPTON: Have you seen our leader without his shirt on?
SHARPTON: He looks pretty good, huh?
PUTIN: (shifts in his seat) I don’t want to appear, as you say, light in loafers.
SHARPTON: I’ll take that as a yes. So why don’t you take our leader horseback riding with you? It would make him look stronger and you’ll get credit again for enhancing his image.
PUTIN: I don’t know if that such good idea. What if he falls off horse?
SHARPTON: He can wear his bike helmet.
PUTIN: (sighs) If your president want to ride horse, I take him on horse.
SHARPTON: (looking at smart phone) Uh, one last thing, Mr. Leader. I just got a text from my new, much younger girlfriend. She wants me to accept the autographed picture.
PUTIN: I send two. One for her, one for you. (smiles and winks)
SHARPTON: (Bashfully) Thank you, Leader Prutin.