Daily Rash


Macy’s Fires Another Santa Claus for Drinking on the Job

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NEW YORK – Macy’s department store has fired yet another Santa Claus employee for being drunk at their Herald Square location in Manhattan, their fifth Santa termination since November 25th. A spokesperson for Macy’s said two other Santas have been suspended without pay for three days and another was issued a verbal warning, all...
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Eric Holder Vows to Shave Mustache if Ferguson Cop Isn’t Indicted

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FERGUSON, MISSOURI – Attorney General Eric Holder made a surprise appearance Friday at a parking lot protest rally in downtown Ferguson. Arriving by limo, Holder jumped up on the flatbed truck that served as a makeshift stage and waved to the hundred or so protesters before embracing Al Sharpton. When the attorney general lifted...
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Hillary Clinton Says Nazi Salute at Book Signing Was Just a Silly Joke

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MARTHA’S VINEYARD – At a crowded book signing yesterday former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was photographed doing a Nazi salute as she and several women around her laugh. When Mrs. Clinton was asked about the photograph after it went viral she laughed and said her Nazi salute was “just a silly joke.” This...
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MSNBC Anchor Compares President Obama to Jesus

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MSNBC anchor Chris Matthews began his show Hardball last night celebrating the birthday of President Obama. Following is a transcript of that portion of the broadcast. CHRIS MATTHEWS: Tonight we pay tribute to our President, Barack Obama, on his 53rd birthday. Over the years I’ve been laughed at for my allegiance to my president....
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Vice President Biden Admits He Occasionally Takes Out Payday Loans

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Vice President Joe Biden visited with Al Sharpton this morning on MSNBC where he spoke candidly about Hillary Clinton, his 2016 presidential aspirations and the financial hardships his family has faced since becoming the vice president. Following is a transcript of that discussion which will air this evening on Sharpton’s show, PoliticsNation, on MSNBC....
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Obama Stops to Sign Autographs at Grisly Los Angeles Crime Scene

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INGLEWOOD – Police discovered a gruesome multiple homicide in the home of a Los Angeles school teacher yesterday. The mutilated bodies of five people were scattered throughout the three bedroom, split-level home. At least two of the victims had been decapitated. After a preliminary walk-through of the house with its blood spattered walls and...
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Al Qaeda Jihad Magazine Publishes Its First Swimsuit Issue

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YEMEN – In an apparent attempt to escalate worldwide interest in the holy war against infidels, Inspire, al Qaeda’s Internet propaganda magazine, published its first swimsuit issue this week. In a teleconference call from an unknown location in Yemen, a spokesperson for the magazine, someone who called himself Larry, told reporters that Inspire’s swimsuit...
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John Kerry: In An Exceptional America I Wouldn’t Be Secretary of State

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Just a day after returning from exhaustive diplomatic talks around the globe, John Kerry appeared on MSNBC’s PoliticsNation with host, Al Sharpton. Following is a transcript of their discussion. AL SHARPTON: I want to welcome a guest to my own show on MSNBC, Secretary of the States, John Kerry. JOHN KERRY:  Thank you. It’s...
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Obama Sends Troops to Border After Learning Illegals Deny Climate Change

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McALLEN, Texas - In a surprising turn of events this morning American soldiers began arriving at key crossing points along the Mexican/American border after President Obama ordered U.S. troops to control the influx of immigrants illegally entering the U.S. through Mexico.
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MSNBC Host Praises Obama’s Leadership as Country Implodes

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At the start of his show Hardball on MSNBC this afternoon, host Chris Matthews took a moment to praise President Obama for his leadership in the midst of today’s turbulent political environment. Following is a transcript of that portion of his show that airs tonight on MSNBC. CHRIS MATTHEWS:  Before I get started today...
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