Daily Rash


Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

NEW YORK – Not everyone is complaining about the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) “pat-down” procedures. During a time in which thousands of Americans share their dissatisfaction with being groped and prodded, fondled and squeezed at airports, filmmaker Michael Moore is calling for Americans to “lighten up” and “enjoy” what he called “a necessary precaution...
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Excessive Fecal Weight Almost Destroyed Our Marriage

NEEDLES, CALIFORNIA – Until recently, excessive fecal weight had rarely been considered a culprit in the breakdown of a marriage. The idea that they might be hauling around an exorbitant wealth of fecal excess didn’t concern most people. Most Americans were oblivious to the undermining effect a bounty of inner sludge might be having...
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Oprah’s Childhood Cockroach Friends Found Alive in Mississippi

KOSCIUSKO, MISSISSIPPI – For many years Oprah Winfrey has told the story of being so lonely as a poor child growing up in the south that she made friends with two cockroaches and named them Melinda and Sandy. In a startling turn of events, Oprah Winfrey producers announced today that Melinda and Sandy were...
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Al Gore: ‘Global Warming Will Cause Millions of People’s Heads to Explode’

NEW YORK –  Former Vice President Al Gore issued a joint statement with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) this morning warning that unless drastic measures are taken this year to curb global warming, millions of people’s heads are going to explode. Speaking to U.N. delegates at the One World Economic Forum, Gore...
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Al Gore Trapped in Blizzard En Route to Climate Fundraiser

CHICAGO – Former vice president and current global warming superstar, Albert Arnold Gore Jr., was trapped in his limousine on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive last night for thirty minutes after the limo slid into a twelve foot snowbank. Although Mr. Gore did not receive any physical injuries, his driver said that Mr. Gore may...
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Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

Al Gore Slams Vatican Over Use of Deadly Smoke Signals

NASHVILLE – Former Vice President Al Gore lashed out at the Vatican this morning, calling the tradition of releasing smoke into the atmosphere during papal conclave voting “fundamentally negligent” and “grossly inappropriate.” He also questioned the morality behind using what he called the “ancient pagan ritual of carbon emissions worship” in order to advance...
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Al Gore Addicted to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE – Tipper Gore broke her silence this week and opened up about her divorce from former Vice President Al Gore. In an interview with Vibe magazine, Tipper shocked many people close to the family when she disclosed startling details of Al Gore’s predilection for kinky sex. According to the article, husband Al’s...
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Al Gore Becomes A Priest, Plans To Build Ark

WASHINGTON – During an appearance on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews, Al Gore revealed that prior to divorcing his wife Tipper he was ordained a Catholic priest. He added that he plans to spend the rest of his life listening to confessions “before the impending global warming apocalypse kills everyone on the planet.” A...
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Al Gore Postpones Copenhagen to Hear Tiger Woods Confess

JUNIPER ISLAND, FL – Over the weekend, Vice President Al Gore postponed a lucrative trip to Copenhagen so he might convince golf impresario Tiger Woods to confess to him. Gore told reporters that at this point in his life, a confession from Tiger Woods would be “even more important” to him than the global...
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NFL Adds Joe Scarborough Band to Super Bowl Halftime Lineup

This morning the NFL announced that in addition to Justin Timberlake the Joe Scarborough Band will perform at the 2018 Super Bowl halftime show.
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