CARRBORO, NC – The Obama administration announced yesterday that their 2012 Presidential campaign “Hope and Change – for Real This Time” is ready to roll. During a speech to a group of supporters outside a North Carolina Gap store, President Obama conceded a less than stellar start in his presidency before enthusiastically encouraging his...
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CAMBRIDGE, Md. – During the speech he delivered at the annual House Democratic retreat in January, Vice President Joe Biden disclosed that he’d fervently warned President Obama against moving forward with the attack that killed Osama bin Laden. Biden told congressional members that President Obama ignored his exhortation and stoically ordered U.S. special forces...
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Tehran – Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that he’s terminated all Iranian nuclear programs and said he will travel to Israel later in the week to meet with Prime Minister Netanyahu to discuss peace. The announcement was made from an orphanage in Mashhad where Ahmadinejad spent several hours hugging children and playing tag....
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FOXBOROUGH, MASS – After missing what would have been a game-tying field goal in the waning seconds of the AFC Championship game, Baltimore Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff told reporters that his frustration and disappointment with the U.S. Congress was a contributing factor in his bungled kick. Several of Cundiff’s family members concurred that the...
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When Alec Baldwin abandoned Twitter I think I was in a state of shock. I don’t even remember the first couple of weeks after it happened. You know what they say, denial ain’t no river in Egypt. But today when I heard he was back I cried happy tears. - Brittany Russell, Seattle, WA...
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New Hampshire – After getting walloped in Tuesday’s New Hampshire Republican primary, Texas Governor Rick Perry lashed out at Mitt Romney during an interview on FOX news. Perry called Romney a vulture capitalist who devours companies and leaves behind the carcases of the workers. He also said Romney was an unethical person who wants...
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NEW HAMPSHIRE – Newt Gingrich’s campaign manager denies that he or anyone on his staff paid a man to stare at Mitt Romney in an intimidating way during the Republican debate in Manchester. But an anonymous source told the Daily Rash that someone from the Gingrich campaign gave a sinister looking man $137 and...
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DENVER – The Denver Broncos announced today that they’ve signed Jesus Christ to a one year, $100 million contract to play an unspecified position on their football team. After Sunday’s win over the Chicago Bears, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen met with Mr. Christ over cocktails at a downtown Denver AppleBee’s where he persuaded the...
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NEW YORK – Macy’s department store has fired yet another Santa Claus employee for being drunk at their Herald Square location in Manhattan, their fifth Santa termination since November 25th. A spokesperson for Macy’s said that two other Santas have been suspended without pay for three days and another was issued a verbal warning,...
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NEW YORK – DreamWorks Studios announced today that they are in the final stages of salary negotiations with Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank for their new Looney Tunes Bugs Bunny movie. Frank is slated to play Elmer Fudd in the five hundred million dollar, two part, six hour movie epic. The Congressman expressed interest in...
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