Daily Rash


Joe Biden Admits Taking Viagra Before Attending State of the Union Address

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WASHINGTON – During Tuesday night’s State of the Union address Vice President Biden admitted to Speaker of the House John Boehner that he’d accidentally taken Viagra pills before arriving for the event. This morning, after giving a talk on shotgun ownership to seniors at a Bethesda nursing home, the vice president came clean when...
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Al Qaeda Jihad Magazine Publishes First Swimsuit Issue

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YEMEN – In an apparent attempt to escalate worldwide interest in the holy war against infidels, Inspire, al Qaeda’s Internet propaganda magazine, published its first swimsuit issue this week. In a teleconference call from an unknown location in Yemen, a spokesperson for the magazine, someone who called himself Larry, told reporters that Inspire’s swimsuit...
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David Caruso Explains Sideways Stance: “I Always Face Mecca”

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LOS ANGELES – Last week when David Caruso appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra asked him at the end of their short interview, “David, how come you keep facing away from me?” Caruso stood up, put on his sunglasses and said, “Because, Tyra….I always face Mecca.” Caruso then walked off stage and the...
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Michelle Obama Proposes Slaughtering Obese Children

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LAS VEGAS – This weekend First Lady Michelle Obama spoke at a gathering of physicians and nutritionists at a Childhood Obesity forum at the Bellagio hotel. Sporting a sleeveless garment that allowed her toned arms to mesmerize awestruck attendees, the first lady regaled her admirers as physically fit waitstaff served healthy hors d’oeuvres and...
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NFL to Force All Players to Dance After Every Play

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NEW YORK – NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that all NFL players will be required to dance after every play in the upcoming 2014 season. “We feel that since the majority of players for the past many years have celebrated by dancing or preening after scoring, running, tackling, blocking, being penalized or just...
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Sting Admits to Decades Long Love Affair with Himself

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LOS ANGELES – International rock star and celebrity Gordon Sumner, better known around the world as Sting, admitted on the Tyra Banks Show last week that for the past twenty-five years he’s been having an affair with himself. Audience members gasped, some even running from the studio holding their stomachs. One woman said that...
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Eric Holder Vows to Shave Mustache if Ferguson Cop Isn’t Indicted

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FERGUSON, MISSOURI – Attorney General Eric Holder made a surprise appearance Friday at a parking lot protest rally in downtown Ferguson. Arriving by limo, Holder jumped up on the flatbed truck that served as a makeshift stage and waved to the hundred or so protesters before embracing Al Sharpton. When the attorney general lifted...
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Hillary Clinton Says Nazi Salute at Book Signing Was Just a Silly Joke

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MARTHA’S VINEYARD – At a crowded book signing yesterday former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was photographed doing a Nazi salute as she and several women around her laugh. When Mrs. Clinton was asked about the photograph after it went viral she laughed and said her Nazi salute was “just a silly joke.” This...
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MSNBC Anchor Compares President Obama to Jesus

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MSNBC anchor Chris Matthews began his show Hardball last night celebrating the birthday of President Obama. Following is a transcript of that portion of the broadcast. CHRIS MATTHEWS: Tonight we pay tribute to our President, Barack Obama, on his 53rd birthday. Over the years I’ve been laughed at for my allegiance to my president....
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Vice President Biden Admits He Occasionally Takes Out Payday Loans

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Vice President Joe Biden visited with Al Sharpton this morning on MSNBC where he spoke candidly about Hillary Clinton, his 2016 presidential aspirations and the financial hardships his family has faced since becoming the vice president. Following is a transcript of that discussion which will air this evening on Sharpton’s show, PoliticsNation, on MSNBC....
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