Daily Rash


Megyn Kelly Assaults Michelle Fields on Fox News

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Michelle Fields, the woman who accused Donald Trump’s campaign manager of assaulting her, appeared on the Fox News channel today with host Megyn Kelly where she revealed for the first time the gruesome severity of her injuries. Following is a transcript of that interview which airs tonight on The Kelly File at 10:00 pm...
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Al Gore: ‘Global Warming Will Cause Millions of People’s Heads to Explode’

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NEW YORK –  Former Vice President Al Gore issued a joint statement with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) this morning warning that unless drastic measures are taken this year to curb global warming, millions of people’s heads are going to explode. Speaking to U.N. delegates at the One World Economic Forum, Gore...
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Obama Welcomes America’s First Transgender Baby to White House

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WASHINGTON – This afternoon top administration officials and celebrities joined President and Mrs. Obama in welcoming America’s first transgender baby to the White House. Eleven-month-old Hillary Rodham Carter is the youngest transgender to meet officially with a U.S. president. The president hosted a gender-neutral luncheon for the adorable transgender tot and its parents with...
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School Principal’s Head Mysteriously Tattooed During Drunken Blackout

School Principal’s Head Mysteriously Tattooed During Drunken Blackout

The last thing I remember is standing in my socks on the soggy bank of a lake arguing with a disgruntled midget. – School Principal Bertrand Calhoun Luedecking Jr. FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA – An elementary school principal is causing quite a stir in this southern California city after showing up to work last week...
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Hillary Clinton Says Chelsea Erased Servers During Postpartum Depression

This afternoon Democratic presidential frontrunner, Hillary Clinton, appeared on MSNBC’s Hardball with host Chris Matthews to discuss the missing emails from her time as Secretary of State. Following is a transcript of that interview which airs at 6 pm tonight on MSNBC. CHRIS MATTHEWS:  Thank you for joining us today Madam Secretary. I also...
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Joe Biden Talks About the Pain of Birth in Confusing Labor Day Speech

PITTSBURGH — Joe Biden may not have announced his decision to run for president in his Labor Day speech to union workers on Monday, but the raucous applause and enthusiasm he received is more commonly reserved for presidential candidates, not second term vice presidents. As Biden stood on the stage soaking in the adoration...
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Nancy Pelosi Urges Redskins Owner to Change Name to Washington Potatoes

WASHINGTON – Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi met with senior citizens today at the End of the Rainbow nursing home where she spoke out against white privilege and the war on women. She also spoke passionately about gender neutral bathrooms in grade schools. At the conclusion of her speech Pelosi abruptly switched gears when she called...
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Joe Biden Calls Hillary Clinton the Yoko Ono of Politics

WASHINGTON  – After speaking to a group of seniors about shotgun ownership and voting rights at the Last Train to Clarksville nursing home in Bethesda this afternoon, Vice President Joe Biden appeared on MSNBC’s PoliticsNation with host, Al Sharpton. Sharpton asked the vice president pointed questions about Hillary Clinton, Biden’s own presidential aspirations and...
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Al Qaeda Magazine ‘Inspire’ Publishes First Swimsuit Issue

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YEMEN – In an apparent attempt to escalate worldwide interest in the holy war against infidels, Inspire, al Qaeda’s Internet propaganda magazine, published its first swimsuit issue this week. In a teleconference call from an unknown location in Yemen, a spokesperson for the magazine, someone who called himself Larry, told reporters that Inspire’s swimsuit...
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David Caruso Explains Sideways Stance: “I Always Face Mecca”

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LOS ANGELES – Last week when David Caruso appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra asked him at the end of their short interview, “David, how come you keep facing away from me?” Caruso stood up, put on his sunglasses and said, “Because, Tyra….I always face Mecca.” Caruso then walked off stage and the...
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