Daily Rash


Mackenzie Phillips: The Best Sex I’ve Had Was With My Dad

LOS ANGELES – Former TV actress Mackenzie Phillips is telling the world about her whirlwind sexual relationship with her own father, the drug addled leader of the Mamas and the Papas, John Phillips, who died in 2001. Though she was aware that the news would shock, she felt it was necessary to expose the...
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With Pants At Half Mast, Kanye West Seeks Redemption

Miami Beach – Kanye West told reporters on Saturday that he is wearing his pants at “haf mas” (half mast) to punish himself for his all of his mistakes. He apologized to confused bystanders, telling them that he would never again shame himself, his Mother, the USA or the world. “I have shamed, not...
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CIA: Serena Williams To Kill Osama Bin Laden

President Barack Obama called a high level security meeting with CIA and FBI officials yesterday to discuss assassinating Osama bin Laden. Though the meeting itself is not unusual, the fine points of the discussion (which have just been leaked by an anonymous source) are quite intriguing. The administration has revealed that Serena Williams is...
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Airborne Body Parts Hamper Iraqi Anti-Smoking Campaign

Baghdad – An Iraqi parliament spokesperson, Ali Chaliphonific Achlac Mesopotamian-Nightmare, was interrupted mid-way through an anti-smoking speech yesterday when an explosion half a block away sent a human leg flying just inches above his head. Mr. Nightmare was in the middle of a passionate speech regarding the implementation of strict new anti-smoking laws in...
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Jesse Jackson Joins the Klan

BOLTON, MISS – In this small southern town that has no black inhabitants Reverend Jesse Jackson spoke out against black people today at the grand opening of a brand new Staples store. Talking to a group of reporters in the Staples parking lot, Jackson accused black Americans of playing the victim card, the race...
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Alec Baldwin Taunts Lincoln Center Symphony Violinist

NEW YORK- Lincoln Center concert goers were shocked Tuesday night when Alec Baldwin climbed onto the stage and started berating a violinist for being a “neo-con.” Mr. Baldwin sat in the conductor’s chair in the middle of Bach’s concerto in D minor and began to harangue the surprised musician for voting Republican in the...
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Mannequin Breaks Ryan O’Neal’s Heart

LOS ANGELES – Employees and shoppers at a popular mall in Westwood yesterday were stunned to learn that Ryan O’Neal was spotted in a jewelry store buying a diamond ring. As the buzz began to grow shoppers began to look for the confused ex-actor, ex-drug addict, ex-cancer victim, ex-criminal, ex-partner of the late Farrah...
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The Devil On Sharpton’s Shoulder

NEW YORK – An onlooker with a cell phone captured what appears to be Al Sharpton looking on as Al Sharpton talked to poor people in New York about “rising up against the man.” It appears in the photograph that there are two Al Sharptons. When asked afterwards about the oddity, Mr. Sharpton said...
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When Do I Get My Health Insurance?

PEORIA, IL – While traveling through western Peoria last weekend, I stopped for coffee and apple pie at a truck stop. It was a very busy day in the restaurant, so to save time I agreed to share a table with a fine family from Wisconsin. They were going to see their grandmother in...
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Charles Manson: “Phil Spector is a Dead Man”

Phil Spector, the legendary music producer who is doing nineteen to life for murdering his girlfriend, apparently is not afraid of being in prison – or of Charles Manson. Earlier this week the AP ran a story that Spector has written letters to his wife about being afraid in prison and wanting nothing to...
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