Daily Rash


Hillary Clinton Dodges Gang Gunfire En-Route to Los Angeles Book Signing

LOS ANGELES – Upon arriving to the signing event for her new book “Hard Choices” at a Century City bookstore this morning, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and daughter Chelsea found themselves caught in the middle of a gang war and were forced to run with their heads down in an effort to...
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Biden Says Released Detainees More Focused on Climate Change Than Jihad

WASHINGTON – While speaking to seniors about shotgun ownership at the Eternal Cul-de-Sac retirement home in Bethesda this morning, Vice President Biden was interrupted several times with questions about President Obama releasing five Guantanamo detainees in exchange for American prisoner, Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl. Each time the vice president brought the conversation back to the...
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Joe Biden Knocks Toddler Unconscious During White House Easter Egg Hunt

Joe Biden Knocks Toddler Unconscious During White House Easter Egg Hunt

WASHINGTON – The fun and frolic of the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt was cut short Monday morning after a four year-old girl was knocked unconscious by Vice President Biden. The little girl has been identified as Brittany Rosa Parks Vanderbilt, the daughter of top Obama campaign donors, Brice and Zoe Vanderbilt. White...
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MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obama’s Buttocks

In the final moments of taping his show on MSNBC today, Chris Matthews invited several of the network’s commentators to pay tribute to Michelle Obama. Following is a transcript of that discussion which will air tonight on MSNBC. CHRIS MATTHEWS:  A couple of weeks ago the remarkable Michelle Obama celebrated her 50th birthday. I...
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Joe Biden Admits Taking Viagra Before Attending State of the Union Address

WASHINGTON – During Tuesday night’s State of the Union address Vice President Biden admitted to Speaker of the House John Boehner that he’d accidentally taken Viagra pills before arriving for the event. This morning, after giving a talk on shotgun ownership to seniors at a Bethesda nursing home, the vice president came clean when...
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Chris Christie’s Staff Blames Bridge Closing on Anti-Islam Video

TRENTON – This afternoon staff members loyal to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie alleged that the September closing of traffic lanes leading to the George Washington bridge was the result of a spontaneous reaction to an anti-Islam YouTube video. Although Gov. Christie has apologized for “unwittingly” misleading the public, calling the bridge closing “embarrassing...
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Obama Appoints Reverend Al Sharpton Global Warming Czar

WASHINGTON – During this morning’s White House briefing Jay Carney confirmed President Obama will appoint Al Sharpton to be the administration’s new Global Warming Czar. Carney said the president was astonished at the scientific brilliance Sharpton displayed when he explained man-made climate change earlier this week on MSNBC. “The president happened to tune into...
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Al Sharpton Slams Michelle Obama: ‘You Cock-Blocked the President!’

KAILUA, Hawaii – The White House was so impressed with Michelle Obama’s guest spot on Al Sharpton’s afternoon radio show a few weeks ago that the first lady agreed to appear on Sharpton’s MSNBC cable news show tonight. The interview was taped this morning in Hawaii where the Obama’s are vacationing for the holidays....
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John Kerry Enters Rehab After White House Stages Botox Intervention

WASHINGTON – This morning the White House acknowledged that President Obama invited John Kerry to Thanksgiving dinner last week in order to stage an intervention. Earlier in the week Obama met with several members of his administration to discuss Secretary Kerry’s Botox usage. After a lengthy discussion, the decision to stage an intervention was...
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Biden: ‘Obama Doesn’t Lie. He’s an Articulate & Clean African American’

WASHINGTON – What was supposed to have been a friendly town hall meeting for Vice President Biden with senior citizens this morning escalated into a raucous shouting match over problems with the newly implemented Affordable Care Act. Biden’s appearance was initially slated to promote his passion for shotgun ownership by explaining the dangers of...
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