Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress

FOXBOROUGH, MASS – After missing what would have been a game-tying field goal in the waning seconds of the AFC Championship game, Baltimore Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff told reporters that his frustration and disappointment with the U.S. Congress was a contributing factor in his bungled kick. Several of Cundiff’s family members concurred that the languid performance of Congress deserves much of the responsibility for Cundiff’s season ending blunder.

“People have been criticizing the President for traveling around and making speeches instead of staying in Washington and leading,” Cundiff’s mom told a local sports radio show. “If Obama is forced to be out campaigning in bad weather in order to get Americans to exert pressure on a do-nothing Congress, imagine the pressure my son was under.”

During an interview with ESPN, Cundiff was unable to mask his congressional dissatisfaction.

“Like President Obama, I’ve been paralyzed with frustration because of our current do-nothing Congress. I mean, why can’t they get anything done? That’s why I for one don’t question all the vacations, talk show appearances or speeches that take up so much of President Obama’s time. If Congress can’t do its job how can the President be expected to do his? So many people blame Obama for everything when the fact is, if Congress would accomplish something, President Obama would appear to be a better leader.”

When asked if he was really blaming Congress for his missed kick, Cundiff sighed.

“Heck, everybody knows that I bear some responsibility. But at what point do we speak up and demand that our representatives do what we elected them to do? Sure I missed a relatively important field goal in a football game, but in the end it’s just a game, isn’t it? It doesn’t change the fact that there are still millions of people unemployed or underemployed in America. The same people blaming me for the Ravens loss to the Patriots are the very same people accusing President Obama of slacking. The American people know in their hearts that, like President Obama, there’s only so much I can do by myself. First our impotent legislators immobilize our President and now they’ve prevented the Baltimore Ravens from playing in the Super Bowl. How long are we, the American people, going to allow this to continue?

White House press Secretary Jay Carney mentioned Billy Cundiff in his morning briefing.

“That football kicker is an example of how far the destructive tentacles of a stagnant House of Representatives can reach. A do-nothing Congress keeps people unemployed, paralyzes our Commander in Chief and robs the dream of playing in the Super Bowl from a competent kicker who, with a more energetic Congress, would have aced that field goal attempt.”

“I’ll have to live with that missed kick for the rest of my life,” Cundiff told reporters. “But 535 members of the House will carry the weight with them also. I would not want to be in their shoes. I can’t imagine what it would be like knowing that because I refused to do my job, someone was prohibited from realizing their dream. Man, that’s a whole lot heavier than missing one silly field goal.”


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