WASHINGTON – What was supposed to have been a friendly town hall meeting for Vice President Biden with senior citizens this morning escalated into a raucous shouting match over problems with the newly implemented Affordable Care Act. Biden’s appearance was initially slated to promote his passion for shotgun ownership by explaining the dangers of deadly assault weapons. But within the first minutes of his presentation, residents of the Eternal Cul-de-Sac retirement community bombarded the vice president with a barrage of taunts and condemnations about Obamacare. Belligerent catcalls prompted Biden to halt his speech and address the commotion.
“OK, hold on, hold on,” Biden pleaded. “Now what are ya’ll so upset about?”
“We don’t want to lose our healthcare!” someone shouted.
“Yeah! The president lied to us!” shouted another.
“OK, … now, let’s all settle down a bit, huh?” Biden folded his hands on the podium. “Apparently some of you are unhappy.”
“No sh*t, Sherlock!” yelled an elderly man.
“My son’s health insurance was cancelled because of that God damned Obamacare, that’s what the problem is.”
“And my friends were told theirs is going to be cancelled too,” cried another woman.
“That’s a shame,” Biden replied. “I can only imagine your frustration.”
“Damn right you can only imagine it,” yelled the man. “You got some government golden Cadillac insurance. You don’t have nuthin’ to worry about.”
“No, no I don’t, sir.”
“And while our families are losing their health insurance,” the man sneered, “you’re telling us to buy shotguns? What the hell is wrong with you people?”
“I think it’s important for people to understand that it’s easier to blow an intruder’s head off with a shotgun than it is an assault weapon.”
“At least there’s a choice. The president said we’d get a choice with Obamacare and he lied!”
“Our president lied to us!” cried another woman.
“What’s your name, dear?” Biden asked with a smile.
“I’m pissed off because my daughter and her husband’s insurance was cancelled and now they’re stuck with that Obamacare bulls*it.”
“Listen Helen, the president’s plan is …”
“The president told everybody they could keep their insurance if they liked it.”
“Sweetheart, President Obama wants you to have the best care available and …”
“Obama lied, you half wit!”
Biden took a deep breath and smiled, “You sure are a feisty bunch, ain’t ya?”
A cacophony of taunts (“Obama lied!”) and condemnations filled the hall. Biden finally raised his hands in the air, begging for quiet.
“Come on, folks,” he sighed, leaning into the microphone. “Listen to what you’re saying. You’re calling our president a liar?” he asked incredulously, shaking his head. “President Obama doesn’t lie. He’s a mainstream African American who’s articulate, bright and he’s clean. And gosh darn it,” he said, a smile breaking on his face, “he’s a good looking guy. Don’t you think President Obama is attractive?” he asked a woman in the crowd.
The woman looked down and muttered, “I don’t know.”
The woman nodded her head. “Yeah, I saw them.”
“He’s a good lookin’ African American isn’t he?”
The woman shuffled her feet. “Yeah, I guess.”
“How about you, sir?” Biden asked. “Have you ever seen an African American as clean as President Obama?”
The man shrugged his shoulders. “Well, he does appear to be pretty clean, I’ll give you that.”
“Damn right he’s clean,” Biden crowed. “I gotta tell ya, folks, I’m flabbergasted. We got ourselves a clean, good lookin’ African American president who’s articulate and ya’ll are calling him a liar?” The vice president leaned into the microphone,. “That’s not my America,” he whispered ominously. “Or, is that what we’ve become?”
A self conscious silence engulfed the room.
“Is that the America you want for your grandchildren? Is that the America our forefathers fought and died for? Do you think Abraham Lincoln would approve of that America?”
The seniors fidgeted and averted their eyes.
A long and uneasy silence hovered over the hall before it was finally shattered by a man’s voice from the back of the room.
“Mr. Vice President?”
“If I blow an intruder’s head off with a shotgun, who’s going to clean his brains off my walls?”
“That’s a great question, sir!” Biden responded excitedly. “America’s trauma scene cleanup crews are the best in the world, bar none!”
Vice President Biden smiled and winked as seniors eagerly began asking questions about shotgun ownership.