INDIANAPOLIS – After inundating Americans last week with dire warnings that rapes and murders would escalate out of control unless Republicans agreed to pass Obama’s jobs bill, Vice President Biden told students at a junior high school in Indianapolis that the beating, sodomizing and killing of Moammar Gaddafi is the equivalent of what many of them can expect if the jobs bill fails to pass.
Accompanied by shocking videos of Gaddafi being beaten and sodomized and graphic photographs of his dead body, the vice president warned students that without Obama’s jobs bill there wouldn’t be enough police to protect them from meeting the same fate.
“Oh my!” Biden exclaimed, pointing to a student. “What a pretty young lady! I’m sure you are the apple of your mom and dad’s eye. It’s so difficult for me to look at you in all your innocence when I know what’s likely to happen to you if the president’s jobs bill isn’t passed.”
“I’m sorry to have to be so blunt, but after you’re viciously gang raped by a pack of degenerates I can’t imagine the pain your heartbroken parents will go through.”
“How about you?” Biden said, pointing to a young male student. “I just showed you graphic videos of Moammar Gaddafi being sodomized. If our jobs bill is not passed I can almost guarantee that you’ll be sodomized in the same manner. It’s shocking, I know, but I suggest you start to prepare for it now. Stop and think about it for a moment. After you’ve been sodomized for hours on end, how well do you think you’ll do on your math test the next day?”
Biden pointed to another boy.
“And you! When you and your mom are forced to watch your dad being savagely beaten and sodomized by a band of hooligans, what effects do you think that will have on your mental well-being? You’ll have that disgusting image in your head for the rest of your life. Can you possibly conceive what the atmosphere around the dinner table will be like after that? How are those delicious pork chops and mashed potatoes with gravy going to taste then?”
“I’ll bet all of you look up to and respect Principal Ahern don’t you?”
The school auditorium erupted into a roaring applause and Principal Ahern smiled and gave the thumbs up sign to his students. Biden waited for the commotion to subside and then spoke in an ominous tone.
“How are you kids going to feel when you hear on the news that your beloved Principal Ahern was beaten to death with a tire iron? How’s that going to affect your grades?”
An uneasy silence hovered over the assembly.
“For the love of God children, President Obama’s jobs bill must pass so that Principle Ahern isn’t murdered in an abhorrently violent fashion. So that none of you undergo what we just watched Moammar Gaddafi experience. Don’t get me wrong, Gaddafi deserved his fate. He deserved the sodomizing and the beatings. But what about your lovable old grandpa? Does he deserve to be sodomized and beaten? And grandma? Sweet little grandma, does that precious woman deserve to be tied to a bed and viciously raped by dozens of feral males?”
“Because of Republicans, these horrific crimes will be occurring on a daily basis and there won’t be any policemen to come to your aid. We’ll all be on our own to ward off the ruthless underbelly of society that’s just waiting in the wings licking their chops, praying that Obama’s jobs bill won’t pass. I don’t want you to be sodomized and I don’t want your mom raped. But apparently Republicans think it’s OK for your weak grandpa to be beaten to death because they don’t want to pay policemen to protect him. Nobody wants to hear about their precious elderly grandma burning to death in a fire, but since Republicans don’t want to pay our brave firefighters, Grammy stands a good chance of being roasted alive when arsonists burn down her house.”
“Unless you are willing to watch your mother being gang raped, your dad being sodomized on the front lawn and having to listen helplessly to the agonizing screams, Oh God the screams, of your precious grandma as she’s burning to death, you all need to march home and tell your parents to demand that their representatives vote yes on the jobs bill!”
After the vice president’s speech, dozens of students waited in line for a chance to receive counseling from one of the psychologists the Obama administration provides whenever Vice President Biden speaks to children.