Boston Mayor Claims Fight Against Chick-fil-A Prevented Homosexual Holocaust

BOSTON – According to members of his staff, when Mayor Thomas Menino was told that the president of Chick-Fil-A restaurants did not support gay marriage, he knew the citizens of Boston would expect him to act. Although the rest of the nation is slowly beginning to accept the idea of gay marriage, Boston is one of the few cities to lawfully allow homosexuals to bond in the holiest of institutions – marriage.

“Mayor Menino was aware that his constituency would want him to strike a crippling blow against the abhorrent bigotry emanating from behind the closed doors of Chick-fil-A,” staffer Brittany Baxter said. “It was the moment he’d been waiting for his entire life and he did not hesitate, he did not flinch. For the moment was not about him, but about the citizens of Boston who look to him for guidance regarding right and wrong. Most of all, the moment was about the gay men and women, bisexual and transgendered folks that the mayor has fought alongside of in the war against the bigots, the haters and anyone who doesn’t think like them. This day was about freedom and Mayor Menino was prepared to rise to the occasion.”

Baxter said the Mayor met with his staff before speaking to the press. “When the meeting concluded, Mayor Menino stood in front of a mirror and straightened his tie. Then he took a deep breath, turned to us and said, “C’mon! Let’s go win one for the fairies!”

“You can’t have a business in the city of Boston that discriminates against a population!” Mayor Menino shouted from the halls of justice. He added that if Chick-fil-A attempted to get a license for their business in his city he would make it “very difficult.”

The unflinching mayor even penned a letter to Dan Cathy, president of Chick-fil-A, warning him personally against any plans to open a restaurant in Boston. The letter went “viral” on Facebook, being “liked” over 130,000 times and shared 46,000 times. News reports of the Massachusetts lawmaker’s single-minded crusade against hatred has created an avalanche of support around the country. The Jim Henson Company, whose Muppet characters were a part of Chick-fil-A’s childrens’ meals, announced it will no longer work with the restaurant. Comedienne/macadamia-nut farmer, Roseanne Barr, said people who eat food from Chick-fil-A deserve to die from cancer, and an Alderman in Chicago announced that like Mayor Menini, he too would prohibit the restaurant from doing business in his district.

People from all over the country are striving to cope with the torment of learning the president of Chick-fil-A believes marriage should be between a man and a woman:

“I had no idea the chicken sandwiches I ate were homophobic. Had I known I would have spit it out on the table. Now I feel so dirty. I feel unclean.” – Wayne “skooter” Thomas, New Orleans, LA

“I ate chicken from that place for ten years. My family used to take me there growing up. Now I’m infected with the grease of bigotry.” –  Jaxxyn Blayne, Los Angeles

“I’ve had lunch at Chick-fil-A every Tuesday for a year. After I learned of their hatred of the gays I took more of my anxiety pills than I should have and washed them down with vodka. I didn’t care if I woke up.” – Omarr Butler, Carborro, NC.

When it’s pointed out that there’s never been evidence that Chick-fil-A has ever discriminated against gay people, Mayor Menini is quick to remind people of Nazi Germany.

“When Hitler became chancellor of Germany, did anyone predict he would end up slaughtering six millions Jews? What if my bold intervention on behalf of America’s homosexual community shattered some fantasies the president of Chick-fil-A harbored of deep frying millions of homosexuals? I for one will not sit back and watch a holocaust take place in Boston! And I vow to destroy anyone who dares question the right of the gays to be institutionalized in marriage like the rest of us.

Update: In a statement just issued from his office, Mayor Menino said that he even though he doesn’t want Chick-fil-A restaurants in Boston, he doesn’t actually have the authority to stop it from happening.

 

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14 Responses to Boston Mayor Claims Fight Against Chick-fil-A Prevented Homosexual Holocaust

  1. Amgirlnails on July 27, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Really?

  2. Nolan Carter on July 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Deep fried homosexuals? 

  3. Maudie on July 27, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Oh well, never mind.

  4. […] is funny. Boston Mayor Claims His Fight Against Chick-fil-A Saved Millions of Lives The unflinching mayor even penned a letter to Dan Cathy, president of Chick-fil-A, warning him […]

  5. Michael Jones on July 28, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Love their food and even more now!!!!  🙂 

  6. BHO_CONNECTICUT_SSN on July 28, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Please join me in boycotting ‘Chick-fil-A’ on Sunday’s.

    • Mcfletch45 on July 29, 2012 at 11:37 am

       I’m with you on this boycott, refusing to patronize Chick-fil-a ANYTIME they are not open!

  7. Mustanger7up on July 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    What an Idiot!

  8. Chic on July 30, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Lord only knows that eaten a Chic just might turn ya into a hetro… ; P

  9. Freedom4all on July 31, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    The “bigots” are the ones who are hating on people who don’t hold the same beliefs as them. Aren’t the LGBT at least alittle offended that the mayor called them “fairies”?

  10. Freedom4all on July 31, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Dan Cathy’s actual statement was: “We are very much supportive of the family – the biblical definition of the family. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that…. We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that”. Never did he single out anyone….but to hear the liberal Mayors tell it you would think he banned people that didnt agree with him….not so…..

    • D Florida1967 on July 31, 2012 at 9:04 pm

      hey freedom4all – they donate their $$$ to hate groups that attempt to un-gay gay people, that is clearly singling out gays. Don’t play stupid on this…

  11. Raymond59 on August 1, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    “I had no idea the chicken sandwiches I ate were homophobic. Had I known I would have spit it out on the table. Now I feel so dirty. I feel unclean.” – Wayne “skooter” Thomas, New Orleans, LA
    “I ate chicken from that place for ten years. My family used to take me there growing up. Now I’m infected with the grease of bigotry.” – Jaxxyn Blayne, Los Angeles
    “I’ve had lunch at Chick-fil-A every Tuesday for a year. After I learned of their hatred of the gays I took more of my anxiety pills than I should have and washed them down with vodka. I didn’t care if I woke up.” – Omarr Butler, Carborro, NC.  After reading some of these quotes, I can’t believe that Adults wrote these things. It just makes me shake my head about the mentality of some of these People. I even wonder about the sanity of the Mayor of Boston, Mayor Thomas Menino. The only thing that I can figure out is that He’s using it as an excuse for being a Political Opportunist!

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