Emails Reveal Comedian Carrot Top a Secret CIA Experiment

WASHINGTON – The Obama administration has been slow to respond to recent controversial government secrets revealed in the latest Wikileaks documents, namely the CIA’s top secret experimentation with Las Vegas entertainer Carrot Top. Emails reveal the extreme “unease” of several high ranking officials with regard to the CIA’s “Operation Carrot Top” project. In one alarming message former CIA director Leon Panetta exclaims to Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, “Operation Carrot Top has gone terribly awry!” Several top secret cables between Panetta and Gates allude to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton “distancing herself” from further involvement with Operation Carrot Top.

A cable from Clinton to a high ranking Pentagon official appears to not just confirm her unease with the profoundly muscular, orange haired entertainer, but even suggests discarding the operation, if not Carrot Top himself:

“After recent meeting on the subject of C.T. (Carrot Top) I’ve had extreme difficulty sleeping. Am overwhelmed with a heavy sense of dread and misgivings. Is there a way to pull the plug on him/operation before it gets too big to control?”

An email from Carrot Top to a high ranking CIA operative heightened growing concerns in the Intelligence community that the Vegas performer could very well be leaning toward unilateral behavior:

“C.T. here. Is anybody there? Can anyone hear me? Hello? I’m going to need a substantial amount of money at the end of the week. DO NOT BE LATE!!!!! I am also requesting several pairs of rubber soled shoes, preferably in neutral colors. I want to emphasize the necessity of using PLEATHER instead of LEATHER. Got that? PLEATHER….NOT LEATHER!” 

A confidential source inside the Pentagon said Operation Carrot Top has been a high priority clandestine operation since the Bush administration. The source explained how Vice President-elect Joe Biden persuaded Obama to continue its funding.

“It was Vice President Biden who became intrigued with the project, to the extent of suggesting that President Obama recruit Carrot Top as the administration’s “go-to man” in covert operations throughout the world, particularly in the Middle East and to a lesser extent with Fox news.”

“I have nothing but faith and trust in Operation Carrot Top,” Biden wrote in a cable to members of the Senate Intelligence Committee. “I sincerely believe that Mr. Top will at some point be recommended for accolades such as ribbons and medals, and maybe even a diploma of some sort.”

Carrot Top is the stage name of Scott Thompson, a 45 year old “prop” comedian from Florida. During the week Carrot Top headlines at the elegant Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas. Little more is known about him other than his odd friendship with Gene Simmons of the cartoon band KISS and his eerie metamorphosis from goofy skinny guy a few years ago into what presently appears to be a female cyborg.

Carrot Top works out in basement of Pentagon

Although Wikileaks obtained hundreds of cables that mention or refer to Operation Carrot Top, it is the more recent messages that show disquieting displays of apprehension, if not downright panic, such as this message from former Secretary of State Colin Powell to Leon Panetta:

“Highly recommend you shut down Operation Carrot Top! I repeat: Shut down Operation Carrot Top!!”

But it was the last few days of cables that send an icy chill down the spine. Former FBI Director Robert Mueller’s cable to the White House:

“Re: Operation Carrot Top:  what the hell  have you people done?”

Former Vice President Cheney’s cable to Vice President Biden:

Re: Operation Carrot Top – Do you have a f**king clue what this “prop” comedian is capable of?

The last correspondence is a cable from the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to CIA Director Leon Panetta:

Re: Operation Carrot Top: Abort! Abort! For the love of God in Heaven, Abort!”

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5 Responses to Emails Reveal Comedian Carrot Top a Secret CIA Experiment

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