FLORIDA – At an unknown location in Florida the past several weeks, Casey Anthony lay awake at night wishing, hoping, even praying for a loving man. Since being acquitted of murdering her two year-old daughter, Casey has suffered greatly from the gnawing pangs of her carnal demands. But because the media has refused to give her a break, the danger of being harmed in some way by an angry citizen is still very real. Cruel jokes by late night TV hosts and negative newspaper stories continue to hinder Casey’s yearning to let her hair down at the discos and rave clubs that offer the fulfillment she so achingly craves. She’d recently confessed to confidantes that her feral yearning to copulate is so torturous, sometimes she thinks she would kill to make it stop.
And then last week, while absentmindedly flipping through TV channels, Casey saw a remarkable man dressed in a colorful robe and a fez hat. He wore futuristic sunglasses and his curly hair was painted black. Casey was so mesmerized that she pointed him out to her mother.
“Mama? Who is that remarkable man?”
“Honey, that man’s name is Moammar and he’s a dictator from a country far, far away.”
“Moammar? That’s a silly name, ain’t it Mama?”
“Yes it is, Turnip. But don’t forget….”
“I know, I killed my daughter so I have to be nice to people!”
“That’s right, Daffodil.”
“So this Moammar….is he married?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t seem to matter to dictators,” Casey’s mom answered, “I know that he has many grown children.”
“Oh Mama, do you think he loves children as much as I do?”
“What else do you know about him? Does he like to dance? Does he party?”
“Right now he’s in hiding, Angel.”
“Just like me!”
“Even worse. People want to kill him.”
“Yes, but in his country they don’t have the kind of law enforcement that we have here in the United States of America.”
“I do so love the United States, Mama.”
“I know you do, Dear. We all do.”
The following day Casey did some Internet research on Moammar Khadafi. The further she dug the more enamored she became. That night she told her mother of her discoveries.
“Mama, a newspaper called the Daily Rash said that Moammar is in Alabama!”
“He wants to live there and open a day care center, Mama!”
“See! He does love children! Just like me!”
“Maybe even more, Cupcake. He’s never murdered any of his kids.”
“No, but he’s killed lots of innocent people.”
“Yes he has, but they weren’t his children.”
“Mama? Can we go to Alabama? Can we? Please?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Sweetie.”
“Please, Mama? Please can we go to Alabama?
“Oh, why not? Sure we can go to Alabama!”
“Oh mama! I so love you!”
“I know you do, Sugar plum.”
“I know that Casey’s dad was pretty hurt by those accusations,” a source close to the family told the Daily Rash. “So when I heard that he and Casey were able to joke about it my heart swelled.”
The night before they were to drive to Alabama, Casey told her parents that she would be sexting with Moammar that evening. A family confidante said that Casey’s parents were ambivalent about their daughter’s new relationship, Casey’s father in particular.
“I know that her dad was hoping Casey would meet a nice young man who had a regular job and lived in a house. That Moammar guy doesn’t work and he lives in tents. When her dad asked her how she obtained Moammar’s cell phone number, Casey told him that Khadafi called her after she left a private message on his Facebook page.”
Lee Anthony, Casey’s brother, told a close friend that he and his parents were with Casey when she sexted Moammar and that things got pretty heavy.
“Lee said that the dictator was pretty raunchy, sexting that he wanted to tie Casey up with human hair and beat her with an American made spoon. Then Casey sexted that she wanted to bathe Moammar in chloroform and force feed him goat meat. Lee said the whole family was getting pretty hot!”
The Anthony family was up at 6:00 the next morning eager to begin the eleven hour drive to see Moammar Khadafi. And reports from Khadafi’s compound in Crawdad, Alabama claim that the former dictator is so excited to meet Casey Anthony that he had a huge picture of goat entrails hung above his bed.