Celebrities

Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

NEW YORK – Not everyone is complaining about the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) “pat-down” procedures. During a time in which thousands of Americans share their dissatisfaction with being groped and prodded, fondled and squeezed at airports, filmmaker Michael Moore is calling for Americans to “lighten up” and “enjoy” what he called “a necessary precaution...
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Oprah’s Childhood Cockroach Friends Found Alive in Mississippi

KOSCIUSKO, MISSISSIPPI – For many years Oprah Winfrey has told the story of being so lonely as a poor child growing up in the south that she made friends with two cockroaches and named them Melinda and Sandy. In a startling turn of events, Oprah Winfrey producers announced today that Melinda and Sandy were...
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NFL Adds Joe Scarborough Band to Super Bowl Halftime Lineup

This morning the NFL announced that in addition to Justin Timberlake the Joe Scarborough Band will perform at the 2018 Super Bowl halftime show.
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Man Tells Judge “Elvis is Gay, Not Me”

RENO – At a divorce hearing today at the Washoe County Courthouse, Randall Lewinski told a judge that he was a heterosexual man who participated in homosexual activities, but only when he was impersonating Elvis Presley. He informed the court that it was only when he was Elvis that he was attracted to other...
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Gary Busey Wants to Discipline Your Children

MALIBU, CALIFORNIA  – For the rest of his life actor Gary Busey says he wants to discipline children. Last year the Associated Press reported that for several months Busey experienced an uneasy feeling growing inside him. The actor told a reporter he became aware of dramatic changes in himself as the uneasy feeling intensified....
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David Caruso Explains Sideways Stance: “I Always Face Mecca”

LOS ANGELES – Last week when David Caruso appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra asked him at the end of their short interview, “David, how come you keep facing away from me?” Caruso stood up, put on his sunglasses and said, “Because, Tyra….I always face Mecca.” Caruso then walked off stage and the...
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Alec Baldwin Shocks Dinner Guests, Calls New Baby ‘Dirty Little Whore’

NEW YORK – An intimate dinner party held at Alec Baldwin’s Manhattan home last night ended prematurely after Baldwin’s newborn baby daughter threw-up on his shirt. According to guests who attended the dinner, Baldwin’s alarming reaction towards his baby made them so uncomfortable they were forced to make a hasty departure before dinner was...
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John Travolta Urinates Outside at Disney World

ORLANDO, FLORIDA – A Disney World spokesperson announced this afternoon that actor John Travolta was asked to leave the amusement park Monday after he jumped into the water of a theme ride and proceeded to urinate. When the incident occurred Disney World revelers ran towards security team members as parents shielded the eyes of...
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Sting Admits to Decades Long Love Affair with Himself

LOS ANGELES – International rock star and celebrity Gordon Sumner, better known around the world as Sting, admitted on the Tyra Banks Show last week that for the past twenty-five years he’s been having an affair with himself. Audience members gasped, some even running from the studio holding their stomachs. One woman said that...
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White House Announces Beyonce to Perform at State of the Union Address

WASHINGTON – The White House announced this morning that pop star Beyonce accepted an invitation to perform at the State of the Union address on Tuesday. According to a post on President Obama’s Facebook page, when the president reaches the speaker’s rostrum in the house chamber to deliver his speech, Beyonce will descend from the...
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