Celebrities

Emails Reveal Comedian Carrot Top a Secret CIA Experiment

Emails Reveal Comedian Carrot Top a Secret CIA Experiment

WASHINGTON – The Obama administration has been slow to respond to recent controversial government secrets revealed in the latest Wikileaks documents, namely the CIA’s top secret experimentation with Las Vegas entertainer Carrot Top. Emails reveal the extreme “unease” of several high ranking officials with regard to the CIA’s “Operation Carrot Top” project. In one...
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Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

NEW YORK – Not everyone is complaining about the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) “pat-down” procedures. During a time in which thousands of Americans share their dissatisfaction with being groped and prodded, fondled and squeezed at airports, filmmaker Michael Moore is calling for Americans to “lighten up” and “enjoy” what he called “a necessary precaution...
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Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail

Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail

NEW YORK – Charlie Sheen’s publicist told reporters today that Charlie was a victim not the culprit in Tuesday’s drunken, drug induced debacle at New York’s Plaza Hotel. The publicist had originally said that Charlie’s actions were due to an allergic reaction to medication, but now asserts that Sheen’s hairpiece caused him get drunk,...
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Moss Man Claims Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Drove Him Insane

Moss Man Claims Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Drove Him Insane

HILLSBORO, OREGON – Gregory “Moss Man” Liascos was arraigned today at Hillsboro County courthouse on charges of burglary and criminal mischief. The charges stem from his pre-dawn arrest in a wooded area outside the Rice Northwest Museum of Rocks and Minerals where Mr. Liascos was found disguised as a large lump of moss. Though...
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After Years of Agonizing Struggle, Lisa Rinna Deflates Her Lips

After Years of Agonizing Struggle, Lisa Rinna Deflates Her Lips

HOLLYWOOD – Lisa Rinna is lounging on the sofa in her Hollywood Hills bungalow sipping a cup of hot cocoa that husband Harry Hamlin just made. Staring out a window into a neighbor’s backyard pool party, Lisa struggles to hold back tears as she shares the tale of an agonizing inner conflict she suffered...
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Stephen Colbert: Is This the House Judiciary Committee or an Oil Painting?

Stephen Colbert: Is This the House Judiciary Committee or an Oil Painting?

WASHINGTON –  In a congressional hearing room filled with reporters, photographers and members of the House Judiciary subcommittee, Texas Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee was playing her favorite game, Pigs A Pop’n, on her iPhone. Her periodic sighs of frustration with the game were muffled by the click of camera shutters, murmurs of confusion from...
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Dan Rather Found Wandering the Desert in a Blanket

Dan Rather Found Wandering the Desert in a Blanket

MOUNT NEBO, JORDAN – Jordanian officials say they discovered American newsman Dan Rather wandering aimlessly in the desert wearing nothing but a blanket, purple Crocs and a Fez hat. Officials said when they approached Rather that he saluted and then apologized for not wearing a cowboy hat. “He touched his head and then looked...
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Koran Burning Pastor & Ground Zero Imam to Appear on Wife-Swap

Koran Burning Pastor & Ground Zero Imam to Appear on Wife-Swap

WASHINGTON – Vice President Joe Biden announced this morning that Florida Pastor Terry Jones and New York Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf have agreed to appear on the television show Wife-Swap. The vice president was all smiles as he explained that he was the one who approached the two controversial men about appearing on the...
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Coach Jimmy Johnson Working Overtime to Enlarge Your Penis

Coach Jimmy Johnson Working Overtime to Enlarge Your Penis

MIAMI, FLORIDA – Former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson is a man with a mission. His obsession with completing that mission is so consuming that it overshadows the glory and grandeur of his former college and professional football coaching days. His desire so strong and powerful, he only sleeps three hours a night before he...
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Doctors Warn Frank Sinatra Jr. He’s Going to Explode

Doctors Warn Frank Sinatra Jr. He’s Going to Explode

ATLANTIC CITY – According to his friends and relatives, Frank Sinatra Jr. is getting his house in order. As his neighbors peer nervously through drawn curtains, gawking motorists slow to a crawl in front of the singer’s home with hopes of catching a glimpse of Frank Sinatra’s only son. According to his gardener, ever...
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