Celebrities

Hugh Hefner’s 26 Year-Old Wife: ‘I Love it When Hef Gums Me!’

Hugh Hefner’s 26 Year-Old Wife: ‘I Love it When Hef Gums Me!’

BEVERLY HILLS – On New Year’s Eve Playboy Enterprises CEO, eighty-six year-old Hugh Hefner, married twenty six year-old Crystal Harris at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. Playboy fans around the world celebrated the announcement along with residents of the San Diego neighborhood where Miss Harris grew up. Even in his eighties Mr. Hefner...
Read Story »

After Giving Birth to Twins, Celine Dion Sells Afterbirth on Ebay

LAS VEGAS – In a heartwarming goodwill gesture to millions of fans around the world, singer Celine Dion placed the placenta from the birth of her twin boys in 2010 for auction on Ebay. Dion and her husband said the money they receive for the much sought after uterus discharge will be used to...
Read Story »

Wesley Snipes Meets His New Cellmate

Wesley Snipes Meets His New Cellmate

BRADFORD, PA – After finally giving up on appealing his tax evasion conviction, Wesley Snipes turned himself in yesterday to McKean Federal Prison to begin serving his three year sentence. After several hours of processing and orientation, Wesley Snipes was assigned a cell and then introduced to his new cellmate, Gregor “Bug Man” Samsa....
Read Story »

America’s Vaginas Glisten in Mayonnaise – Kardashian Style!

America’s Vaginas Glisten in Mayonnaise – Kardashian Style!

LOS ANGELES – Is it a crime if your vagina doesn’t shine? For tens of thousands of women around the country, shining their vaginas with mayonnaise could very well become as important as facial peels, hot oil hair treatments and pedicures. Standing outside a supermarket where she’d just purchased a large container of Hellmann’s...
Read Story »

Emails Reveal Comedian Carrot Top a Secret CIA Experiment

Emails Reveal Comedian Carrot Top a Secret CIA Experiment

WASHINGTON – The Obama administration has been slow to respond to recent controversial government secrets revealed in the latest Wikileaks documents, namely the CIA’s top secret experimentation with Las Vegas entertainer Carrot Top. Emails reveal the extreme “unease” of several high ranking officials with regard to the CIA’s “Operation Carrot Top” project. In one...
Read Story »

Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

NEW YORK – Not everyone is complaining about the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) “pat-down” procedures. During a time in which thousands of Americans share their dissatisfaction with being groped and prodded, fondled and squeezed at airports, filmmaker Michael Moore is calling for Americans to “lighten up” and “enjoy” what he called “a necessary precaution...
Read Story »

Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail

Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail

NEW YORK – Charlie Sheen’s publicist told reporters today that Charlie was a victim not the culprit in Tuesday’s drunken, drug induced debacle at New York’s Plaza Hotel. The publicist had originally said that Charlie’s actions were due to an allergic reaction to medication, but now asserts that Sheen’s hairpiece caused him get drunk,...
Read Story »

Moss Man Claims Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Drove Him Insane

Moss Man Claims Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Drove Him Insane

HILLSBORO, OREGON – Gregory “Moss Man” Liascos was arraigned today at Hillsboro County courthouse on charges of burglary and criminal mischief. The charges stem from his pre-dawn arrest in a wooded area outside the Rice Northwest Museum of Rocks and Minerals where Mr. Liascos was found disguised as a large lump of moss. Though...
Read Story »

After Years of Agonizing Struggle, Lisa Rinna Deflates Her Lips

After Years of Agonizing Struggle, Lisa Rinna Deflates Her Lips

HOLLYWOOD – Lisa Rinna is lounging on the sofa in her Hollywood Hills bungalow sipping a cup of hot cocoa that husband Harry Hamlin just made. Staring out a window into a neighbor’s backyard pool party, Lisa struggles to hold back tears as she shares the tale of an agonizing inner conflict she suffered...
Read Story »

Stephen Colbert: Is This the House Judiciary Committee or an Oil Painting?

Stephen Colbert: Is This the House Judiciary Committee or an Oil Painting?

WASHINGTON –  In a congressional hearing room filled with reporters, photographers and members of the House Judiciary subcommittee, Texas Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee was playing her favorite game, Pigs A Pop’n, on her iPhone. Her periodic sighs of frustration with the game were muffled by the click of camera shutters, murmurs of confusion from...
Read Story »