Celebrities

Westboro Baptist Church Reverend Resigns as Ricky Martin Fan Club Director

TOPEKA, KANSAS – The pews of the Westboro Baptist Church sat empty last Easter Sunday. The doors to the church were locked, the bells remained still. The pulpit remained free from the spiritual teachings of Reverend Fred Phelps who would, on a normal Easter Sunday, be channeling the message of God to his flock...
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Dog The Bounty Hunter Accidentally Chews Off His Own Arm

HONOLULU, HAWAII – When Duane “Dog” Chapman appeared on The Tyra Banks Show yesterday, it was several minutes into the interview before Tyra noticed he only had one arm. Even then, she was unaware that Chapman had been in possession of both arms until just a few days before the taping. Duane “Dog” Chapman...
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Louis Farrakhan Claims His UFO Abductors Were Jewish

CHICAGO –  During a week of reprimanding “white Christians that pray for President Barack Obama to die,” Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan also said he’d been abducted by a spaceship. On Wednesday, after admonishing “white people that want to assassinate President Barack Obama,” Minister Farrakhan, accompanied by several intimidating black men in suits...
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Harlequin Romance Replaces Fabio with Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin photo shoot

TORONTO, CANADA – Last week Harlequin Enterprises shocked the world of Romance novels when it was reported that they were not renewing their long standing contract with Italian model Fabio. Conventions around the globe were in chaos as writers, book sellers and consumers alike feared the news might wreak havoc in the world they...
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Gary Coleman Claimed Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts Stalked Him

PAYSON, UTAH – Before he died, a lawyer for Gary Coleman filed stalking charges against Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts at the Payson County Courthouse in Payson, Utah. According to affidavits, Coleman was seeking a restraining order against Jagger and Watts. He also sought five million dollars for pain and suffering. His lawyer made...
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Groupies Cause Security Problems at Bill O’Reilly-Glenn Beck Show

LOS ANGELES – Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck looked at each other and smiled as screams drowned out their attempts to speak at Tuesday’s Bold Fresh tour de force in Tampa. Bras and panties sailed through the air, landing sporadically on stage as the two men attempted to calm the audience. A young woman...
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Brett Favre Grimaces and Hobbles as Wife Winces in the Stands

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – Brett Favre hobbled off the football field grimacing and moaning, clutching various parts of his body and screaming his mother’s name. He shuffled off the field of the Louisiana Superdome having lost the NFC Championship to the New Orleans Saints. As he entered the locker room his wife Deanna met...
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Rick Fox Suffers Nervous Breakdown after Dancing with the Stars Elimination

Rick Fox Suffers Nervous Breakdown after Dancing with the Stars Elimination

LOS ANGELES – After he suffered what appears to be a severe mental collapse after being eliminated from ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, ex-NBA basketball player Rick Fox is resting comfortably in the psychiatric unit of an undisclosed Los Angeles area hospital. Doctors issued a statement earlier today describing Rick’s condition as “delicate” and...
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Keith Olbermann’s Mom Evicts Him from Basement

LONG ISLAND  – The Daily Rash has discovered that former MSNBC news commentator Keith Olbermann was evicted from his mother’s basement by Suffolk County Police in 2008. Olbermann, who turns 58 in January, had lived in the basement for almost thirty years. According to neighbors, Mrs. Olbermann had told her son that it was...
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A Shirtless Levi Johnston Will Diaper Your Baby

LAS VEGAS – As the flame begins to flicker on his fifteen minute candle, Levi Johnston held a press conference at the Palace Station Hotel and Casino today to announce the opening of his new company, Frontier Diaper Service. At least twenty two people, mostly elderly tourists, gathered as Levi waved to them and...
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