Celebrities

New C-Murder Prison Christmas CD

GRETNA, LA – As prison guard boot heels echoed down the long rows of cell blocks, rapper C-Murder worked diligently in the basement of the Jefferson Parish Correctional Facility laying down tracks for his new CD. Some inmates strained to hear the faint bass thump through the stone walls and floors as others engaged...
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Katie Couric to Undergo On-Air Pap Smear

NEW YORK – Katie Couric announced today that she will have a Pap smear “live” on what may be her last ABC news special this December. She has asked the FCC for permission to show explicit graphics of the medical procedure so that people can see and experience exactly what is involved and what...
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Rihanna Comes “Very Close” To Singing in Key on Saturday Night Live

NEW YORK – Rihanna came very close to singing on key this past weekend when she performed on NBC’s Saturday Night Live. Several industry insiders said that they were on the edge of their seats when Rihanna was about to hit the notes she was searching for. “I watched the telecast by myself while...
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Lil Wayne Attacked by Marauding Band of Graffiti Artists

LOS ANGELES – Los Angeles Police Chief Charlie Beck told reporters today that his detectives are diligently pursuing the graffiti taggers who held rapper Lil Wayne down and covered him in unattractive graffiti “tags.” Lil Wayne’s publicist told reporters that his client is completely innocent of any wrong doing and that he believes the...
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Rachel Maddow’s Brother New President of NRA

NRA president, Wayne LaPierre, announced today that Mitchell Maddow, brother of MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, will replace him as the new president of the National Rifle Association. LaPierre told reporters that Maddow was “just more qualified for the job than I am” during a Washington fundraiser for Sarah Palin. “After meeting Mr. Maddow, it was...
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Jane Fonda Arrested for Stealing Little Girl’s Dog

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – In what may be the most surreal story out of Hollywood of late, Jane Fonda was arrested today and booked on charges of theft, impersonating a blind woman and threatening a four year old girl. Miss Fonda was arrested and booked at the Beverly Hills lockup and  arraigned two hours...
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Maybelline Announces Keith Richards is New Spokesmodel

PARIS – The Chief Executive of cosmetics giant L’Oreal, Jean-Paul Agon, announced today that Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones will be the new 2014 Maybelline Spokesmodel. As runway models received last minute make-up and garment adjustments backstage at the annual Fashion Cares charity event in Paris, Jean-Paul explained the “genius” behind using Mr....
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Meat Loaf Changes Name to Darryl, Opens Hardware Store

NITRO, WEST VIRGINIA – Former singer and actor Meat Loaf has changed his name to Darryl and opened a hardware store in the small town of Nitro, West Virginia. Nestled beside the Kanawha River, Nitro is just north of Charleston and has a population of around 7,000. Residents are very excited about the new...
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Burt Reynolds Auctions Original Face On Ebay

HOLLYWOOD – With only days left until Halloween, when neighbors and friends treat each other to candies and scary costumes, Burt Reynolds’ publicist met with reporters and said the star of Deliverance would be auctioning off his original face on Ebay the next day at six in the morning. “Just in time for Halloween...
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Debra Winger Claims Polanski Framed By Thirteen Year Old Tramp

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND – Last week Debra Winger read a letter to the public condemning the world’s reaction to the arrest of Roman Polanski for raping a thirteen year-old girl over thirty years ago. In what has been described as a surreal statement, she condemned the arrest and railed against his accuser, calling her a...
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