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George Will Questioned by Police After Loitering Outside Indiana Dairy Queen

LOGANSPORT, INDIANA - Conservative columnist and former Republican, George Will, was questioned by police yesterday after they received complaints he was loitering outside a local Dairy Queen in this north central Indiana city.
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I’m Thirteen and I Have Gonorrhea Debuts on MTV

NEW YORK – The much anticipated debut of MTV’s I’m Thirteen and I Have Gonorrhea is scheduled to air this Fall on Sunday Nights. After the heralded success of 16 and Pregnant, MTV hopes to capitalize on what it considers the fastest growing demographic in America – dysfunctional families eager to air their horrors...
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FBI Says Ron Paul Handed Out LSD to Occupy Wall Street Protesters

WASHINGTON – According to a report released by the FBI this afternoon, during his presidential campaign run in 2011, former Texas Congressman Ron Paul visited the Occupy Wall Street protests in lower Manhattan where it’s alleged he handed out LSD tabs to protesters. A former spokesperson for the Ron Paul for President committee fervently...
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Al Gore: ‘Global Warming Will Cause Millions of People’s Heads to Explode’

NEW YORK –  Former Vice President Al Gore issued a joint statement with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) this morning warning that unless drastic measures are taken this year to curb global warming, millions of people’s heads are going to explode. Speaking to U.N. delegates at the One World Economic Forum, Gore...
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Compton’s Drive-Thru Funeral Home a Source of Community Pride

When it comes to viewing the bodies of the dearly departed, few American cities hold a candle to the convenience and ease offered by Compton's drive-thru mortuary.
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Large Naked Pedophile Picnics Outside Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant

Large Naked Pedophile Picnics Outside Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant

BEAVERTON, OREGON – Rod Sterling has been the assistant manager of Beaverton’s Chuck E. Cheese restaurant for eleven years. He’s had to deal with surly children, spilled drinks and crying toddlers. He’s helped burp babies, break up fights and calm impatient mothers. But for all his experiences in his eleven years as a Chuck...
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Man Tells Judge “Elvis is Gay, Not Me”

RENO – At a divorce hearing today at the Washoe County Courthouse, Randall Lewinski told a judge that he was a heterosexual man who participated in homosexual activities, but only when he was impersonating Elvis Presley. He informed the court that it was only when he was Elvis that he was attracted to other...
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Gary Busey Wants to Discipline Your Children

MALIBU, CALIFORNIA  – For the rest of his life actor Gary Busey says he wants to discipline children. Last year the Associated Press reported that for several months Busey experienced an uneasy feeling growing inside him. The actor told a reporter he became aware of dramatic changes in himself as the uneasy feeling intensified....
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John Travolta Urinates Outside at Disney World

ORLANDO, FLORIDA – A Disney World spokesperson announced this afternoon that actor John Travolta was asked to leave the amusement park Monday after he jumped into the water of a theme ride and proceeded to urinate. When the incident occurred Disney World revelers ran towards security team members as parents shielded the eyes of...
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Study Finds Use of Gang Signs by Middle Class Whites on the Rise

Study Finds Use of Gang Signs by Middle Class Whites on the Rise

PRINCETON, NEW JERSEY – A recent study by the Department of Sociology at Princeton found that up to 98% of middle class white adults flash or “throw” gang signs when they are being photographed. The three year study also reveals that 99.9% of those throwing the gang signs have never been in a gang,...
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