MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obama’s Buttocks

In the final moments of taping his show on MSNBC today, Chris Matthews invited several of the network’s commentators to pay tribute to Michelle Obama. Following is a transcript of that discussion which will air tonight on MSNBC. CHRIS MATTHEWS:  A couple of weeks ago the remarkable Michelle Obama celebrated her 50th birthday. I...
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Joe Biden Admits Taking Viagra Before Attending State of the Union Address

WASHINGTON – During Tuesday night’s State of the Union address Vice President Biden admitted to Speaker of the House John Boehner that he’d accidentally taken Viagra pills before arriving for the event. This morning, after giving a talk on shotgun ownership to seniors at a Bethesda nursing home, the vice president came clean when...
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Chris Christie’s Staff Blames Bridge Closing on Anti-Islam Video

TRENTON – This afternoon staff members loyal to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie alleged that the September closing of traffic lanes leading to the George Washington bridge was the result of a spontaneous reaction to an anti-Islam YouTube video. Although Gov. Christie has apologized for “unwittingly” misleading the public, calling the bridge closing “embarrassing...
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Obama Appoints Reverend Al Sharpton Global Warming Czar

WASHINGTON – During this morning’s White House briefing Jay Carney confirmed President Obama will appoint Al Sharpton to be the administration’s new Global Warming Czar. Carney said the president was astonished at the scientific brilliance Sharpton displayed when he explained man-made climate change earlier this week on MSNBC. “The president happened to tune into...
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Al Gore Trapped in Blizzard En Route to Climate Fundraiser

Al Gore

CHICAGO – Former vice president and current global warming superstar, Albert Arnold Gore Jr., was trapped in his limousine on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive last night for thirty minutes after the limo slid into a twelve foot snowbank. Although Mr. Gore did not receive any physical injuries, his driver said that Mr. Gore may...
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Obama Welcomes America’s First Transgender Baby to White House

WASHINGTON – This afternoon top administration officials and celebrities joined President and Mrs. Obama in welcoming America’s first transgender baby to the White House. Eleven-month-old Hillary Rodham Carter is the youngest transgender to meet officially with a U.S. president. The president hosted a gender-neutral luncheon for the adorable transgender tot and its parents with...
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John Kerry Enters Rehab After White House Stages Botox Intervention

Obama & Kerry

WASHINGTON – This morning the White House acknowledged that President Obama invited John Kerry to Thanksgiving dinner last week in order to stage an intervention. Earlier in the week Obama met with several members of his administration to discuss Secretary Kerry’s Botox usage. After a lengthy discussion, the decision to stage an intervention was...
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President Obama Awards Himself the Presidential Medal of Freedom

WASHINGTON – On Wednesday President Obama presented awards to seventeen honorees of the Presidential Medal of Freedom. The medal is the nation’s highest civilian honor, awarded for meritorious contributions to the security or national interests of the United States, to world peace, or to cultural or other significant public or private endeavors. After introducing...
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Al Sharpton’s New Book Sells Over a Dozen Copies in Less Than a Month

NEW YORK – Reverend Al Sharpton’s new book, “The Rejected Stone: Al Sharpton and the Path to American Leadership” appears to be on an unshakable trajectory to success, according to its author. Since its release less than 30 days ago the revered civil rights leader’s long awaited memoir has already sold 18 copies. A...
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Obama and Biden Caught Making Fun of Health Care Law on Hot Mic


WASHINGTON – To the dismay of democrats and republicans alike, a CNN cameraman with a live mic recorded President Obama and Vice President Biden cracking jokes about the new health care law as they sat together outside the White House yesterday. Following is a transcript of their conversation. BIDEN: (nudges Obama with his elbow)...
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