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Prison Executioner Grateful for Job Security

Prison Executioner Grateful for Job Security

JACKSON, GEORGIA  – As family, friends and death penalty protesters mourned the execution of convicted murderer Troy Davis, prison executioner Rob Sterling was on a plane back to his home in southern California sipping a beer and reading Here’s the Story, a tell-all book by Maureen “Marcia Brady” McCormick. Prior to executing Troy Davis,...
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Charlie Sheen Debuts Kinder and Gentler Hairpiece at Emmy Awards

Charlie Sheen Debuts Kinder and Gentler Hairpiece at Emmy Awards

LOS ANGELES – A clean and sober Charlie Sheen took to the stage Sunday night at the 2011 Emmy Awards in Los Angeles to present the award for outstanding lead actor in a comedy series. In stark contrast to his recent warlock persona, Sheen’s demeanor was laden with humility and contrition. Before announcing the...
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A Second Shift Supervisor Contemplates Transfering to First Shift

A Second Shift Supervisor Contemplates Transfering to First Shift

NEEDLES, CA – The announcement that a supervisor at a southern California glass eye factory is contemplating transferring from the second shift to the first shift has filled many of the company’s employees with trepidation. Shift Supervisor Willimet Kendrix confided to friends that she is indeed deliberating a transfer to the first shift. Willimet’s...
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Bill Clinton Accuses President Obama of Stealing Hillary’s iPad

Bill Clinton Accuses President Obama of Stealing Hillary’s iPad

WASHINGTON – Reports of trouble brewing between President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have been spreading like wild fire from sources inside the beltway. Washington insiders say the rumors have the potential of erupting into a full blown scandal. On Thursday Hillary and Bill Clinton attended an informal luncheon at the White...
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Black Caucus Wants Hangings by Tea Party Members to be a Hate Crime

Black Caucus Wants Hangings by Tea Party Members to be a Hate Crime

WASHINGTON – Outraged by the growing number of black people being lynched by Tea Party members of Congress, the Congressional Black Caucus introduced a bill that will make it a hate crime when someone hangs an African American. Caucus members Hank Johnson (D-Ga), Shelia Jackson Lee (D- Tx), Maxine Waters (D- Ca) and Andre...
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New Jersey Suntan Legend Ignores Hurricane Irene Evacuation Order

New Jersey Suntan Legend Ignores Hurricane Irene Evacuation Order

ATLANTIC CITY – Even as New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie praised residents who evacuated in response to the overblown hysteria of Hurricane Irene, suntan legend Myrtle Shaughnessy assured worried friends and family members that she would be perfectly safe in her Atlantic City beachfront condominium, having stocked up on Old Fashioned Loaf lunch meat,...
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Casey Anthony Reaches Out to Moammar Khadafi

Casey Anthony Reaches Out to Moammar Khadafi

FLORIDA – At an unknown location in Florida the past several weeks, Casey Anthony lay awake at night wishing, hoping, even praying for a loving man. Since being acquitted of murdering her two year-old daughter, Casey has suffered greatly from the gnawing pangs of her carnal demands. But because the media has refused to...
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Gerard Depardieu Accused of Defecating on City Bus

Gerard Depardieu Accused of Defecating on City Bus

DUBLIN – Less than two years after he made national news for urinating on the cabin floor of a commercial airliner, French movie star Gerard Depardieu stunned passengers on a Dublin bus yesterday when he dropped his pants and defecated in the aisle. Bus driver Peter Flanagan told authorities that Depardieu was making “all...
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Jesse Jackson Busted for Looting in London Riots

Jesse Jackson Busted for Looting in London Riots

LONDON – Because of his scandalous displays of civil disobedience during this city’s destructive riots in August of 2011, Reverend Jesse Jackson was arrested and charged with looting by London police. He was taken to central booking and charged with theft, destruction of public property, aggravated assault and impersonating a clergyman. Prime Minister David...
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Roving Bands of Ducks Terrorize Chicago

CHICAGO – At a press conference today in Daley Plaza, Chicago Police Chief Garry McCarthy assured this terrified city that his officers and federal agents were diligently working to subdue the diabolical ducks that have been preying on citizens and tourists for the past several months. Chief McCarthy was quick to add that intelligence...
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