News

Elizabeth Taylor Challenged Charlie Sheen to Try and Out-Party Her

Elizabeth Taylor Challenged Charlie Sheen to Try and Out-Party Her

BEVERLY HILLS – During a press conference several weeks before she passed away, a defiant Elizabeth Taylor lashed out at Charlie Sheen, calling his self-described epic drug fests “amateur” and “exaggerated.” Without attempting to hide her profoundly bloodshot eyes from cameras, Taylor told a group of reporters outside the Chateau Marmont Hotel that she’d just...
Read Story »

Prince Charles & Camilla Partied with Charlie Sheen on Eve of Royal Wedding

Prince Charles & Camilla Partied with Charlie Sheen on Eve of Royal Wedding

LONDON – Buckingham Palace is buzzing today after news was leaked that Prince Charles and wife Camilla spent the night before Prince William’s wedding partying with American TV personality Charlie Sheen and several prostitutes. Reports claim that although Queen Elizabeth was in the Palace at the time, she thought the loud music, screaming and...
Read Story »

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Toss Children Off Bridge in Uzbekistan

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Toss Children Off Bridge in Uzbekistan

UZBEKISTAN – A shocked group of citizens in the city of Tashkent told police they watched Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt throw several of their children off a popular pedestrian bridge last Friday afternoon. Witnesses said the famous American film stars had seven children with them as they crossed over a scenic bridge in...
Read Story »

Kobe Bryant’s Homosexual Slur Leaves Many Americans Despondent

Kobe Bryant’s Homosexual Slur Leaves Many Americans Despondent

LOS ANGELES –  Toni Timberlake sat on the patio of his favorite West Hollywood Starbucks gloomily sipping his third Iced Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. As community members sauntered down Santa Monica Blvd, he observed that their steps were missing their usual fun-loving bounce. Their faces, normally filled with lusty eagerness and anticipation, lacked expression,...
Read Story »

Tyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees

Tyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees

NEW YORK – In what has become her signature maneuver as an investigative journalist, Tyra Banks was able to psychologically lure-in and then break down singer Meatloaf in a segment on 60 Minutes Sunday night, giving viewers a glimpse inside the angry rock star’s almost pathological preoccupation with his name. Tyra interviewed Meatloaf in...
Read Story »

Afghan Man Reschedules Stoning Wife to Avenge Koran Burning

Afghan Man Reschedules Stoning Wife to Avenge Koran Burning

AFGHANISTAN – Last week Chaghcharan “Cha-Cha” Mahmoud was in his backyard choosing the stones that he would use to kill his wife. The previous day Cha-Cha had been told by his brothers and several local men that his wife had smiled when she thanked the man at the fruit stand for giving her a...
Read Story »

Dayton Ohio Gets a New Police Chief Courtesy of Eric Holder

Dayton Ohio Gets a New Police Chief Courtesy of Eric Holder

DAYTON, OHIO – The proud city of Dayton and its police department is celebrating the quick promotion of one of its newer recruits who is soon to take over as Chief of Police. It was only two weeks ago that Deleshantai Washington passed the recruiting exam that, thanks to the new lowered passing test...
Read Story »

Breathing Oprah’s Air at the Academy Awards

Breathing Oprah’s Air at the Academy Awards

Celebrities go crazy at the Academy Awards in an effort to breath the same air as Oprah Winfrey!
Read Story »

Moammar Khadafi Seeks Asylum in Alabama

Moammar Khadafi Seeks Asylum in Alabama

CRAWDAD, ALABAMA – As war planes flew over Libya’s capital of Tripoli and military snipers took position on rooftops in an apparent attempt to dissuade people from joining rebel fighters, news sources around the world issued reports that Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafi fled the country and was en route to Venezuela. Yet confidential sources...
Read Story »

New York City Passes Law to Begin Executing Smokers

New York City Passes Law to Begin Executing Smokers

NEW YORK CITY – After the mayor and city council of New York City approved a bill banning smoking in the city’s 1,700 parks and along its 14 miles of city beaches last year, it was announced this morning that another bill with much harsher repercussions will be signed into law next week. On...
Read Story »