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Kobe Bryant’s Homosexual Slur Leaves Many Americans Despondent

Kobe Bryant’s Homosexual Slur Leaves Many Americans Despondent

LOS ANGELES –  Toni Timberlake sat on the patio of his favorite West Hollywood Starbucks gloomily sipping his third Iced Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. As community members sauntered down Santa Monica Blvd, he observed that their steps were missing their usual fun-loving bounce. Their faces, normally filled with lusty eagerness and anticipation, lacked expression,...
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Tyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees

Tyra Banks Brings Meatloaf to His Knees

NEW YORK – In what has become her signature maneuver as an investigative journalist, Tyra Banks was able to psychologically lure-in and then break down singer Meatloaf in a segment on 60 Minutes Sunday night, giving viewers a glimpse inside the angry rock star’s almost pathological preoccupation with his name. Tyra interviewed Meatloaf in...
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Afghan Man Reschedules Stoning Wife to Avenge Koran Burning

Afghan Man Reschedules Stoning Wife to Avenge Koran Burning

AFGHANISTAN – Last week Chaghcharan “Cha-Cha” Mahmoud was in his backyard choosing the stones that he would use to kill his wife. The previous day Cha-Cha had been told by his brothers and several local men that his wife had smiled when she thanked the man at the fruit stand for giving her a...
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Dayton Ohio Gets a New Police Chief Courtesy of Eric Holder

Dayton Ohio Gets a New Police Chief Courtesy of Eric Holder

DAYTON, OHIO – The proud city of Dayton and its police department is celebrating the quick promotion of one of its newer recruits who is soon to take over as Chief of Police. It was only two weeks ago that Deleshantai Washington passed the recruiting exam that, thanks to the new lowered passing test...
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Breathing Oprah’s Air at the Academy Awards

Breathing Oprah’s Air at the Academy Awards

Celebrities go crazy at the Academy Awards in an effort to breath the same air as Oprah Winfrey!
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Moammar Khadafi Seeks Asylum in Alabama

Moammar Khadafi Seeks Asylum in Alabama

CRAWDAD, ALABAMA – As war planes flew over Libya’s capital of Tripoli and military snipers took position on rooftops in an apparent attempt to dissuade people from joining rebel fighters, news sources around the world issued reports that Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafi fled the country and was en route to Venezuela. Yet confidential sources...
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New York City Passes Law to Begin Executing Smokers

New York City Passes Law to Begin Executing Smokers

NEW YORK CITY – After the mayor and city council of New York City approved a bill banning smoking in the city’s 1,700 parks and along its 14 miles of city beaches last year, it was announced this morning that another bill with much harsher repercussions will be signed into law next week. On...
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Pre-Super Bowl Angst Causes Man to Shoot His Neighbors

Pre-Super Bowl Angst Causes Man to Shoot His Neighbors

GARDEN GROVE, CALIFORNIA – Ned Cockburn says he’s always been an obsessed NFL fanatic. A grown man who is crazy about the game, spending what he calls an “unhealthy” amount of time in front of the television watching NFL games, highlights, replays and analysis. Yesterday Ned shot sixteen of his neighbors because he was...
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Win a Dream Date with Charlie Sheen Before He Dies

Win a Dream Date with Charlie Sheen Before He Dies

BEVERLY HILLS – In an effort to raise money for future legal fees, Charlie Sheen’s production company Crash and Burn Productions, along with investors Bruce Jenner, Hulk Hogan and Brett Michaels, is sponsoring a nation wide contest in which some lucky girl can win an all expense paid weekend date with Charlie Sheen, former...
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Jay Cutler’s Grandmother Calls Him a Pussy on Local Sports Show

Jay Cutler’s Grandmother Calls Him a Pussy on Local Sports Show

CHICAGO – After a bruising loss to the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Conference Championship, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler told reporters he was very disappointed that his teammates were not able to get him to the Super Bowl. Cutler left the game early in the third quarter due to a mysterious knee...
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