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Wesley Snipes Meets His New Cellmate

Wesley Snipes Meets His New Cellmate

BRADFORD, PA – After finally giving up on appealing his tax evasion conviction, Wesley Snipes turned himself in yesterday to McKean Federal Prison to begin serving his three year sentence. After several hours of processing and orientation, Wesley Snipes was assigned a cell and then introduced to his new cellmate, Gregor “Bug Man” Samsa....
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America’s Vaginas Glisten in Mayonnaise – Kardashian Style!

America’s Vaginas Glisten in Mayonnaise – Kardashian Style!

LOS ANGELES – Is it a crime if your vagina doesn’t shine? For tens of thousands of women around the country, shining their vaginas with mayonnaise could very well become as important as facial peels, hot oil hair treatments and pedicures. Standing outside a supermarket where she’d just purchased a large container of Hellmann’s...
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Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

Michael Moore “Pretty Sure” He Experienced Erection During TSA Pat-Down

NEW YORK – Not everyone is complaining about the Transportation Security Administration’s (TSA) “pat-down” procedures. During a time in which thousands of Americans share their dissatisfaction with being groped and prodded, fondled and squeezed at airports, filmmaker Michael Moore is calling for Americans to “lighten up” and “enjoy” what he called “a necessary precaution...
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Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail

Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail

NEW YORK – Charlie Sheen’s publicist told reporters today that Charlie was a victim not the culprit in Tuesday’s drunken, drug induced debacle at New York’s Plaza Hotel. The publicist had originally said that Charlie’s actions were due to an allergic reaction to medication, but now asserts that Sheen’s hairpiece caused him get drunk,...
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Moss Man Claims Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Drove Him Insane

Moss Man Claims Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Drove Him Insane

HILLSBORO, OREGON – Gregory “Moss Man” Liascos was arraigned today at Hillsboro County courthouse on charges of burglary and criminal mischief. The charges stem from his pre-dawn arrest in a wooded area outside the Rice Northwest Museum of Rocks and Minerals where Mr. Liascos was found disguised as a large lump of moss. Though...
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After Years of Agonizing Struggle, Lisa Rinna Deflates Her Lips

After Years of Agonizing Struggle, Lisa Rinna Deflates Her Lips

HOLLYWOOD – Lisa Rinna is lounging on the sofa in her Hollywood Hills bungalow sipping a cup of hot cocoa that husband Harry Hamlin just made. Staring out a window into a neighbor’s backyard pool party, Lisa struggles to hold back tears as she shares the tale of an agonizing inner conflict she suffered...
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Jimmy Carter Declares ‘I Can Bench Press 350 pounds!’

Jimmy Carter Declares ‘I Can Bench Press 350 pounds!’

NEW YORK – Determined to sculpt an image of himself that contradicts historical record, former President Jimmy Carter is on a promotional tour for the paperback release of his 2010 book “White House Diary.” Along with defending his self described “superior” role as a former president, Mr. Carter is attempting to dismantle a growing...
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Bob Woodward’s New Book Reveals Obama’s Secret Family

Bob Woodward’s New Book Reveals Obama’s Secret Family

WASHINGTON – Bob Woodward’s last book, the highly successful “Obama’s Wars,” has become a big seller again since last week’s addition of a new chapter about President Obama’s “secret” family. This morning Amazon announced an unheralded spike in sales of the $39.99 hardcover. “When people found out about Obama’s other family we had over...
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Dan Rather Found Wandering the Desert in a Blanket

Dan Rather Found Wandering the Desert in a Blanket

MOUNT NEBO, JORDAN – Jordanian officials say they discovered American newsman Dan Rather wandering aimlessly in the desert wearing nothing but a blanket, purple Crocs and a Fez hat. Officials said when they approached Rather that he saluted and then apologized for not wearing a cowboy hat. “He touched his head and then looked...
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Koran Burning Pastor & Ground Zero Imam to Appear on Wife-Swap

Koran Burning Pastor & Ground Zero Imam to Appear on Wife-Swap

WASHINGTON – Vice President Joe Biden announced this morning that Florida Pastor Terry Jones and New York Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf have agreed to appear on the television show Wife-Swap. The vice president was all smiles as he explained that he was the one who approached the two controversial men about appearing on the...
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