News

‘Parallel Parking with the Stars’ Debuts on NBC

‘Parallel Parking with the Stars’ Debuts on NBC

HOLLYWOOD – In a vigorous effort to compete with Dancing with the Stars, Skating with the Stars and American Idol, NBC announced the premier of their new celebrity competition series Parallel Parking With The Stars, which debuts in February. With a newly structured no-holds-barred, winner-take-all approach, NBC is confident ‘Parallel Parking with the Stars’...
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Conan O’Brien Commercials Cause Sober Man to Drink

Conan O’Brien Commercials Cause Sober Man to Drink

PHOENIX – After two decades of sustained sobriety, Kurt Kammerdiener leapt off the proverbial wagon last week with a vengeance, landing with a resounding and tempestuous thud. Once a rising star in the upper echelons of the Arizona business and social communities, today Kurt is more like a tragic comet, plummeting to earth in...
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Hugh Hefner’s 26 Year-Old Wife: ‘I Love it When Hef Gums Me!’

Hugh Hefner’s 26 Year-Old Wife: ‘I Love it When Hef Gums Me!’

BEVERLY HILLS – On New Year’s Eve Playboy Enterprises CEO, eighty-six year-old Hugh Hefner, married twenty six year-old Crystal Harris at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. Playboy fans around the world celebrated the announcement along with residents of the San Diego neighborhood where Miss Harris grew up. Even in his eighties Mr. Hefner...
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Jesse Jackson “Forgot” About His Illegitimate Child Last Christmas

Jesse Jackson “Forgot” About His Illegitimate Child Last Christmas

CHICAGO – In what is becoming an annual event, Tyra Banks hosted The Tyra Banks Day After Christmas Special on E! television that was taped the day after Thanksgiving. Her all-star guest list included a phone sex professional, former Brady Bunch mom Florence Henderson, NBC weatherman Al Roker and the Reverend Jesse Jackson. It...
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Military Recruiting Centers Bulging with Eager Gay Enlistees

Military Recruiting Centers Bulging with Eager Gay Enlistees

San Francisco – Ever since he was a little boy, Toni Johanson dreamed of being a pilot in the United States Air Force. One summer during a family vacation in the Florida Keys, Toni had vivid fantasies of standing on the deck of a U.S. Naval ship dressed in well fitted white bell bottoms...
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After Giving Birth to Twins, Celine Dion Sells Afterbirth on Ebay

LAS VEGAS – In a heartwarming goodwill gesture to millions of fans around the world, singer Celine Dion placed the placenta from the birth of her twin boys in 2010 for auction on Ebay. Dion and her husband said the money they receive for the much sought after uterus discharge will be used to...
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Wesley Snipes Meets His New Cellmate

Wesley Snipes Meets His New Cellmate

BRADFORD, PA – After finally giving up on appealing his tax evasion conviction, Wesley Snipes turned himself in yesterday to McKean Federal Prison to begin serving his three year sentence. After several hours of processing and orientation, Wesley Snipes was assigned a cell and then introduced to his new cellmate, Gregor “Bug Man” Samsa....
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America’s Vaginas Glisten in Mayonnaise – Kardashian Style!

America’s Vaginas Glisten in Mayonnaise – Kardashian Style!

LOS ANGELES – Is it a crime if your vagina doesn’t shine? For tens of thousands of women around the country, shining their vaginas with mayonnaise could very well become as important as facial peels, hot oil hair treatments and pedicures. Standing outside a supermarket where she’d just purchased a large container of Hellmann’s...
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Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail

Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Arrested, Held Without Bail

NEW YORK – Charlie Sheen’s publicist told reporters today that Charlie was a victim not the culprit in Tuesday’s drunken, drug induced debacle at New York’s Plaza Hotel. The publicist had originally said that Charlie’s actions were due to an allergic reaction to medication, but now asserts that Sheen’s hairpiece caused him get drunk,...
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Moss Man Claims Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Drove Him Insane

Moss Man Claims Charlie Sheen’s Hairpiece Drove Him Insane

HILLSBORO, OREGON – Gregory “Moss Man” Liascos was arraigned today at Hillsboro County courthouse on charges of burglary and criminal mischief. The charges stem from his pre-dawn arrest in a wooded area outside the Rice Northwest Museum of Rocks and Minerals where Mr. Liascos was found disguised as a large lump of moss. Though...
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