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After Years of Agonizing Struggle, Lisa Rinna Deflates Her Lips

After Years of Agonizing Struggle, Lisa Rinna Deflates Her Lips

HOLLYWOOD – Lisa Rinna is lounging on the sofa in her Hollywood Hills bungalow sipping a cup of hot cocoa that husband Harry Hamlin just made. Staring out a window into a neighbor’s backyard pool party, Lisa struggles to hold back tears as she shares the tale of an agonizing inner conflict she suffered...
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Jimmy Carter Declares ‘I Can Bench Press 350 pounds!’

Jimmy Carter Declares ‘I Can Bench Press 350 pounds!’

NEW YORK – Determined to sculpt an image of himself that contradicts historical record, former President Jimmy Carter is on a promotional tour for the paperback release of his 2010 book “White House Diary.” Along with defending his self described “superior” role as a former president, Mr. Carter is attempting to dismantle a growing...
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Bob Woodward’s New Book Reveals Obama’s Secret Family

Bob Woodward’s New Book Reveals Obama’s Secret Family

WASHINGTON – Bob Woodward’s last book, the highly successful “Obama’s Wars,” has become a big seller again since last week’s addition of a new chapter about President Obama’s “secret” family. This morning Amazon announced an unheralded spike in sales of the $39.99 hardcover. “When people found out about Obama’s other family we had over...
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Dan Rather Found Wandering the Desert in a Blanket

Dan Rather Found Wandering the Desert in a Blanket

MOUNT NEBO, JORDAN – Jordanian officials say they discovered American newsman Dan Rather wandering aimlessly in the desert wearing nothing but a blanket, purple Crocs and a Fez hat. Officials said when they approached Rather that he saluted and then apologized for not wearing a cowboy hat. “He touched his head and then looked...
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Koran Burning Pastor & Ground Zero Imam to Appear on Wife-Swap

Koran Burning Pastor & Ground Zero Imam to Appear on Wife-Swap

WASHINGTON – Vice President Joe Biden announced this morning that Florida Pastor Terry Jones and New York Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf have agreed to appear on the television show Wife-Swap. The vice president was all smiles as he explained that he was the one who approached the two controversial men about appearing on the...
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Ground Zero Mosque to Include Jihad Fantasy Camp for Kids

Ground Zero Mosque to Include Jihad Fantasy Camp for Kids

NEW YORK – In what the New York Times is calling “a bear-hug of openness and transparency,” project organizers for the Ground Zero Mosque announced yesterday the inclusion of a “Jihad Fantasy Camp for Kids” at the future lower Manhattan facility. Organizers said that the camp would be a “learning bridge between east and...
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Coach Jimmy Johnson Working Overtime to Enlarge Your Penis

Coach Jimmy Johnson Working Overtime to Enlarge Your Penis

MIAMI, FLORIDA – Former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson is a man with a mission. His obsession with completing that mission is so consuming that it overshadows the glory and grandeur of his former college and professional football coaching days. His desire so strong and powerful, he only sleeps three hours a night before he...
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Obama: You Could Be Burning In The Flames of Hell!

Obama: You Could Be Burning In The Flames of Hell!

WASHINGTON D.C. – President Obama chided a reporter this afternoon in the Rose Garden after being asked how much worse things are expected to get. The reporter was referring to unemployment and the number of jobs lost in July. The president sighed and then admonished the reporter. “Do you know how bad things could...
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Doctors Warn Frank Sinatra Jr. He’s Going to Explode

Doctors Warn Frank Sinatra Jr. He’s Going to Explode

ATLANTIC CITY – According to his friends and relatives, Frank Sinatra Jr. is getting his house in order. As his neighbors peer nervously through drawn curtains, gawking motorists slow to a crawl in front of the singer’s home with hopes of catching a glimpse of Frank Sinatra’s only son. According to his gardener, ever...
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In Her Bid to Remain Speaker of the House, Pelosi Switches Parties

In Her Bid to Remain Speaker of the House, Pelosi Switches Parties

WASHINGTON – After weeks of Internet rumors of her impending retirement if Democrats lose the House majority, Nancy Pelosi stunned a crowd of admirers last night when she announced that she is switching to the Republican party. A source high-up in the Pelosi staff told The Daily Rash that Nancy Pelosi is a “street...
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