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Westboro Baptist Church Reverend Resigns as Ricky Martin Fan Club Director

TOPEKA, KANSAS – The pews of the Westboro Baptist Church sat empty last Easter Sunday. The doors to the church were locked, the bells remained still. The pulpit remained free from the spiritual teachings of Reverend Fred Phelps who would, on a normal Easter Sunday, be channeling the message of God to his flock...
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Maury Povich Irrigates Dennis Kucinich’s Colon

WASHINGTON, DC – Senior White House officials have confirmed that President Obama’s invitation to Ohio Congressman, Dennis Kucinich, to ride on Air Force One was indeed intended to sway Mr. Kucinich’s vote on national health care. Until last week, Dennis Kucinich was a No vote on the health care bill. A staunch far left...
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Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to Appear on Extreme Jihadist Make-Over

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA – As Nancy Lilt struggled to wash the matted hair of detainee Momar Khalic Osimian Gargoylamainia Husein, she spoke with The Daily Rash about her gripe with the Obama administration, particularly Attorney General Eric Holder. “We fly down here to Guantanamo Bay to fix these guys up, and they take their...
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Slaughter in Libya, Nightmare in Japan, Obama Goes Golfing

Slaughter in Libya, Nightmare in Japan, Obama Goes Golfing

WASHINGTON – When told that the potential of a meltdown at Japanese nuclear plants is increasing at a distressing rate, President Obama shook his head in disappointment before grabbing his clubs and heading to the golf course. As he was leaving the President told reporters that nuclear leaks and tsunamis are “unfortunate” and he...
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Dog The Bounty Hunter Accidentally Chews Off His Own Arm

HONOLULU, HAWAII – When Duane “Dog” Chapman appeared on The Tyra Banks Show yesterday, it was several minutes into the interview before Tyra noticed he only had one arm. Even then, she was unaware that Chapman had been in possession of both arms until just a few days before the taping. Duane “Dog” Chapman...
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Louis Farrakhan Claims His UFO Abductors Were Jewish

CHICAGO –  During a week of reprimanding “white Christians that pray for President Barack Obama to die,” Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan also said he’d been abducted by a spaceship. On Wednesday, after admonishing “white people that want to assassinate President Barack Obama,” Minister Farrakhan, accompanied by several intimidating black men in suits...
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Harlequin Romance Replaces Fabio with Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin photo shoot

TORONTO, CANADA – Last week Harlequin Enterprises shocked the world of Romance novels when it was reported that they were not renewing their long standing contract with Italian model Fabio. Conventions around the globe were in chaos as writers, book sellers and consumers alike feared the news might wreak havoc in the world they...
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Man Kills Facebook Friend Over Mundane, Day in the Life Comments

SEATTLE – Talbert Wilcox pleaded not guilty in a Seattle Municipal Court yesterday to charges that he killed his childhood friend, Marshall Dimmrod. Mr. Wilcox told the court that although he did kill Marshall Dimmrod, it was because Dimmrod drove him insane with “incessant, mundane, day-in-the-life Facebook comments.” Wilcox’s defense counsel told the court...
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Gary Coleman Claimed Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts Stalked Him

PAYSON, UTAH – Before he died, a lawyer for Gary Coleman filed stalking charges against Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts at the Payson County Courthouse in Payson, Utah. According to affidavits, Coleman was seeking a restraining order against Jagger and Watts. He also sought five million dollars for pain and suffering. His lawyer made...
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New Orleans Wins Super Bowl! Bourbon Street Awash in Blood and Vomit

NEW ORLEANS, LA – The New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts yesterday in Miami to become the Super Bowl Champions of the National Football League. When the game ended many patrons of French Quarter bars celebrated by gathering on Bourbon Street. While thousands of people danced and clapped their hands, others shot each...
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