News

Obama Appoints Baghdad Bob as Temporary Press Secretary

WASHINGTON, DC – Senior White House officials confirmed today that the administration wants to appoint former Iraqi Information Minister, Mohammed Said al-Sahhaf, as temporary Press Secretary. Better known throughout the world as Baghdad Bob, Mr. Al-Sahhaf has not officially accepted the temporary position. A spokesperson for Baghdad Bob said the Iraqi Minister of Information...
Read Story »

Brett Favre Grimaces and Hobbles as Wife Winces in the Stands

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – Brett Favre hobbled off the football field grimacing and moaning, clutching various parts of his body and screaming his mother’s name. He shuffled off the field of the Louisiana Superdome having lost the NFC Championship to the New Orleans Saints. As he entered the locker room his wife Deanna met...
Read Story »

Harry Reid Offers Super Bowl Tickets to Republicans for Health Care Vote

WASHINGTON, DC – Whispers in the Capital building are echoing through the halls of congress today. After Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi told reporters that she doesn’t have the votes to pass a health care bill, Harry Reid’s phones began ringing off the hook. His iPhone buzzed with twitter messages and his computer...
Read Story »

Chelsea Clinton to Host Spin Class in Haiti

PORT AU PRINCE, HAITI – Chelsea Clinton plans to do her part to raise money for Haitian relief efforts by hosting a special Spin-class in Port Au Prince. Chelsea arrived in Haiti on Tuesday with former President William Jefferson Clinton. She asked to join her father on his mission to coordinate efforts to get...
Read Story »

Rick Fox Suffers Nervous Breakdown after Dancing with the Stars Elimination

Rick Fox Suffers Nervous Breakdown after Dancing with the Stars Elimination

LOS ANGELES – After he suffered what appears to be a severe mental collapse after being eliminated from ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, ex-NBA basketball player Rick Fox is resting comfortably in the psychiatric unit of an undisclosed Los Angeles area hospital. Doctors issued a statement earlier today describing Rick’s condition as “delicate” and...
Read Story »

Haiti’s Contract with Satan Expired in 2007 – Pat Robertson Apologizes

Virginia Beach, Virginia – Pat Robertson went on the 700 Club earlier today and apologized for his comments about Haiti after the country was destroyed by an earthquake Tuesday. He told a television camera that earlier in the day he’d received a copy of Haiti’s contract with Satan, and that it did indeed expire...
Read Story »

Keith Olbermann’s Mom Evicts Him from Basement

LONG ISLAND  – The Daily Rash has discovered that former MSNBC news commentator Keith Olbermann was evicted from his mother’s basement by Suffolk County Police in 2008. Olbermann, who turns 58 in January, had lived in the basement for almost thirty years. According to neighbors, Mrs. Olbermann had told her son that it was...
Read Story »

Man Accidentally Decapitates Son During Family Softball Game

WHITTIER, CA – In what appears to be a freak accident, a man inadvertently decapitated his own son while swinging at a pitch during a neighborhood softball game. The boy, nine year old Carl Carson Jr, was taken to Whittier Memorial Hospital by family members who pleaded with doctors to re-attach his head, but...
Read Story »

A Shirtless Levi Johnston Will Diaper Your Baby

LAS VEGAS – As the flame begins to flicker on his fifteen minute candle, Levi Johnston held a press conference at the Palace Station Hotel and Casino today to announce the opening of his new company, Frontier Diaper Service. At least twenty two people, mostly elderly tourists, gathered as Levi waved to them and...
Read Story »

New C-Murder Prison Christmas CD

GRETNA, LA – As prison guard boot heels echoed down the long rows of cell blocks, rapper C-Murder worked diligently in the basement of the Jefferson Parish Correctional Facility laying down tracks for his new CD. Some inmates strained to hear the faint bass thump through the stone walls and floors as others engaged...
Read Story »