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Groupies Cause Security Problems at Bill O’Reilly-Glenn Beck Show

LOS ANGELES – Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck looked at each other and smiled as screams drowned out their attempts to speak at Tuesday’s Bold Fresh tour de force in Tampa. Bras and panties sailed through the air, landing sporadically on stage as the two men attempted to calm the audience. A young woman...
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Scott Brown Tells John Edwards to Stop Calling His Daughter

SNOW CAMP, N.C. – Staffers for Senator-elect Scott Brown confirmed today that former Senator John Edwards has been attempting to contact Mr. Brown’s oldest daughter Ayla. Sources inside the Senator’s inner circle say that Senator Brown has been very patient with John Edwards even though Mr. Edwards calls up to seventy times a day....
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OBAMA: America Needs to Hope Harder! I Mean Like, A Lot Harder!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In his State of the Union speech last night, President Barack Obama scolded the American public for “not hoping hard enough.” Flanked by Vice President Joseph Biden and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, President Obama pulled no punches with his disgust with the American public, chastising one and all for...
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Obama Appoints Baghdad Bob as Temporary Press Secretary

WASHINGTON, DC – Senior White House officials confirmed today that the administration wants to appoint former Iraqi Information Minister, Mohammed Said al-Sahhaf, as temporary Press Secretary. Better known throughout the world as Baghdad Bob, Mr. Al-Sahhaf has not officially accepted the temporary position. A spokesperson for Baghdad Bob said the Iraqi Minister of Information...
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Brett Favre Grimaces and Hobbles as Wife Winces in the Stands

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – Brett Favre hobbled off the football field grimacing and moaning, clutching various parts of his body and screaming his mother’s name. He shuffled off the field of the Louisiana Superdome having lost the NFC Championship to the New Orleans Saints. As he entered the locker room his wife Deanna met...
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Harry Reid Offers Super Bowl Tickets to Republicans for Health Care Vote

WASHINGTON, DC – Whispers in the Capital building are echoing through the halls of congress today. After Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi told reporters that she doesn’t have the votes to pass a health care bill, Harry Reid’s phones began ringing off the hook. His iPhone buzzed with twitter messages and his computer...
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Chelsea Clinton to Host Spin Class in Haiti

PORT AU PRINCE, HAITI – Chelsea Clinton plans to do her part to raise money for Haitian relief efforts by hosting a special Spin-class in Port Au Prince. Chelsea arrived in Haiti on Tuesday with former President William Jefferson Clinton. She asked to join her father on his mission to coordinate efforts to get...
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Rick Fox Suffers Nervous Breakdown after Dancing with the Stars Elimination

Rick Fox Suffers Nervous Breakdown after Dancing with the Stars Elimination

LOS ANGELES – After he suffered what appears to be a severe mental collapse after being eliminated from ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, ex-NBA basketball player Rick Fox is resting comfortably in the psychiatric unit of an undisclosed Los Angeles area hospital. Doctors issued a statement earlier today describing Rick’s condition as “delicate” and...
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Haiti’s Contract with Satan Expired in 2007 – Pat Robertson Apologizes

Virginia Beach, Virginia – Pat Robertson went on the 700 Club earlier today and apologized for his comments about Haiti after the country was destroyed by an earthquake Tuesday. He told a television camera that earlier in the day he’d received a copy of Haiti’s contract with Satan, and that it did indeed expire...
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Keith Olbermann’s Mom Evicts Him from Basement

LONG ISLAND  – The Daily Rash has discovered that former MSNBC news commentator Keith Olbermann was evicted from his mother’s basement by Suffolk County Police in 2008. Olbermann, who turns 58 in January, had lived in the basement for almost thirty years. According to neighbors, Mrs. Olbermann had told her son that it was...
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