News

Man Accidentally Decapitates Son During Family Softball Game

WHITTIER, CA – In what appears to be a freak accident, a man inadvertently decapitated his own son while swinging at a pitch during a neighborhood softball game. The boy, nine year old Carl Carson Jr, was taken to Whittier Memorial Hospital by family members who pleaded with doctors to re-attach his head, but...
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A Shirtless Levi Johnston Will Diaper Your Baby

LAS VEGAS – As the flame begins to flicker on his fifteen minute candle, Levi Johnston held a press conference at the Palace Station Hotel and Casino today to announce the opening of his new company, Frontier Diaper Service. At least twenty two people, mostly elderly tourists, gathered as Levi waved to them and...
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New C-Murder Prison Christmas CD

GRETNA, LA – As prison guard boot heels echoed down the long rows of cell blocks, rapper C-Murder worked diligently in the basement of the Jefferson Parish Correctional Facility laying down tracks for his new CD. Some inmates strained to hear the faint bass thump through the stone walls and floors as others engaged...
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Katie Couric to Undergo On-Air Pap Smear

NEW YORK – Katie Couric announced today that she will have a Pap smear “live” on what may be her last ABC news special this December. She has asked the FCC for permission to show explicit graphics of the medical procedure so that people can see and experience exactly what is involved and what...
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Another Obama Speech Writer Dies From Exhaustion

Washington, DC – The White House announced today that another Obama speechwriter has died from exhaustion. Anderson Bartholomew Andersen Jr. was found lying on the floor of his Washington, DC office. District of Columbia M.E. spokesperson, David Ogden Russell, read a statement to reporters: “Anderson Bartholomew Andersen Jr. was found by janitorial people lying...
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Rihanna Comes “Very Close” To Singing in Key on Saturday Night Live

NEW YORK – Rihanna came very close to singing on key this past weekend when she performed on NBC’s Saturday Night Live. Several industry insiders said that they were on the edge of their seats when Rihanna was about to hit the notes she was searching for. “I watched the telecast by myself while...
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Lil Wayne Attacked by Marauding Band of Graffiti Artists

LOS ANGELES – Los Angeles Police Chief Charlie Beck told reporters today that his detectives are diligently pursuing the graffiti taggers who held rapper Lil Wayne down and covered him in unattractive graffiti “tags.” Lil Wayne’s publicist told reporters that his client is completely innocent of any wrong doing and that he believes the...
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Rachel Maddow’s Brother New President of NRA

NRA president, Wayne LaPierre, announced today that Mitchell Maddow, brother of MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, will replace him as the new president of the National Rifle Association. LaPierre told reporters that Maddow was “just more qualified for the job than I am” during a Washington fundraiser for Sarah Palin. “After meeting Mr. Maddow, it was...
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The Real Housewife of Zionsville Indiana

LOS ANGELES, CA – Bravo Television has announced it has a new Housewives series coming to the screen this winter. The Real Housewife of Zionsville Indiana is scheduled to debut on December 25th, Christmas night. The show stars housewife Darlene Anderson who lives in Zionsville with her husband Randy and her two daughters Kaylee...
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Man Found Guilty of Stupidity Gets Thirteen Years

NEEDLES, CA. – Mary Jane Wilson runs the “You Are HERE” motel in the dust laden town of Needles, California. Mrs. Wilson runs a clean establishment that caters mostly to truckers and folks down on their luck. For $29.99 a tired traveler can get a room with a bed, a bathroom and cable television...
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