News

Al Gore Becomes A Priest, Plans To Build Ark

WASHINGTON – During an appearance on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews, Al Gore revealed that prior to divorcing his wife Tipper he was ordained a Catholic priest. He added that he plans to spend the rest of his life listening to confessions “before the impending global warming apocalypse kills everyone on the planet.” A...
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Katie Couric to Undergo On-Air Pap Smear

NEW YORK – Katie Couric announced today that she will have a Pap smear “live” on what may be her last ABC news special this December. She has asked the FCC for permission to show explicit graphics of the medical procedure so that people can see and experience exactly what is involved and what...
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Another Obama Speech Writer Dies From Exhaustion

Washington, DC – The White House announced today that another Obama speechwriter has died from exhaustion. Anderson Bartholomew Andersen Jr. was found lying on the floor of his Washington, DC office. District of Columbia M.E. spokesperson, David Ogden Russell, read a statement to reporters: “Anderson Bartholomew Andersen Jr. was found by janitorial people lying...
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Al Gore Postpones Copenhagen to Hear Tiger Woods Confess

JUNIPER ISLAND, FL – Over the weekend, Vice President Al Gore postponed a lucrative trip to Copenhagen so he might convince golf impresario Tiger Woods to confess to him. Gore told reporters that at this point in his life, a confession from Tiger Woods would be “even more important” to him than the global...
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Rihanna Comes “Very Close” To Singing in Key on Saturday Night Live

NEW YORK – Rihanna came very close to singing on key this past weekend when she performed on NBC’s Saturday Night Live. Several industry insiders said that they were on the edge of their seats when Rihanna was about to hit the notes she was searching for. “I watched the telecast by myself while...
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Lil Wayne Attacked by Marauding Band of Graffiti Artists

LOS ANGELES – Los Angeles Police Chief Charlie Beck told reporters today that his detectives are diligently pursuing the graffiti taggers who held rapper Lil Wayne down and covered him in unattractive graffiti “tags.” Lil Wayne’s publicist told reporters that his client is completely innocent of any wrong doing and that he believes the...
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Rachel Maddow’s Brother New President of NRA

NRA president, Wayne LaPierre, announced today that Mitchell Maddow, brother of MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, will replace him as the new president of the National Rifle Association. LaPierre told reporters that Maddow was “just more qualified for the job than I am” during a Washington fundraiser for Sarah Palin. “After meeting Mr. Maddow, it was...
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The Real Housewife of Zionsville Indiana

LOS ANGELES, CA – Bravo Television has announced it has a new Housewives series coming to the screen this winter. The Real Housewife of Zionsville Indiana is scheduled to debut on December 25th, Christmas night. The show stars housewife Darlene Anderson who lives in Zionsville with her husband Randy and her two daughters Kaylee...
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Man Found Guilty of Stupidity Gets Thirteen Years

NEEDLES, CA. – Mary Jane Wilson runs the “You Are HERE” motel in the dust laden town of Needles, California. Mrs. Wilson runs a clean establishment that caters mostly to truckers and folks down on their luck. For $29.99 a tired traveler can get a room with a bed, a bathroom and cable television...
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Jane Fonda Arrested for Stealing Little Girl’s Dog

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – In what may be the most surreal story out of Hollywood of late, Jane Fonda was arrested today and booked on charges of theft, impersonating a blind woman and threatening a four year old girl. Miss Fonda was arrested and booked at the Beverly Hills lockup and  arraigned two hours...
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