News

Man Tells Judge “Elvis is Gay, Not Me”

RENO – At a divorce hearing today at the Washoe County Courthouse, Randall Lewinski told a judge that he was a heterosexual man who participated in homosexual activities, but only when he was impersonating Elvis Presley. He informed the court that it was only when he was Elvis that he was attracted to other...
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Gary Busey Wants to Discipline Your Children

MALIBU, CALIFORNIA  – For the rest of his life actor Gary Busey says he wants to discipline children. Last year the Associated Press reported that for several months Busey experienced an uneasy feeling growing inside him. The actor told a reporter he became aware of dramatic changes in himself as the uneasy feeling intensified....
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Study Finds Use of Gang Signs by Middle Class Whites on the Rise

Study Finds Use of Gang Signs by Middle Class Whites on the Rise

PRINCETON, NEW JERSEY – A recent study by the Department of Sociology at Princeton found that up to 98% of middle class white adults flash or “throw” gang signs when they are being photographed. The three year study also reveals that 99.9% of those throwing the gang signs have never been in a gang,...
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David Caruso Explains Sideways Stance: “I Always Face Mecca”

LOS ANGELES – Last week when David Caruso appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra asked him at the end of their short interview, “David, how come you keep facing away from me?” Caruso stood up, put on his sunglasses and said, “Because, Tyra….I always face Mecca.” Caruso then walked off stage and the...
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Alec Baldwin Shocks Dinner Guests, Calls New Baby ‘Dirty Little Whore’

NEW YORK – An intimate dinner party held at Alec Baldwin’s Manhattan home last night ended prematurely after Baldwin’s newborn baby daughter threw-up on his shirt. According to guests who attended the dinner, Baldwin’s alarming reaction towards his baby made them so uncomfortable they were forced to make a hasty departure before dinner was...
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Al Qaeda Magazine ‘Inspire’ Publishes First Swimsuit Issue

YEMEN – In an apparent attempt to escalate worldwide interest in the holy war against infidels, Inspire, al Qaeda’s Internet propaganda magazine, published its first swimsuit issue this week. In a teleconference call from an unknown location in Yemen, a spokesperson for the magazine, someone who called himself Larry, told reporters that Inspire’s swimsuit...
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Macy’s Fires Another Santa for Drinking on the Job

NEW YORK – Macy’s department store has fired yet another Santa Claus employee for being drunk at their Herald Square location in Manhattan, their fifth Santa termination since November 25th. A spokesperson for Macy’s said two other Santas have been suspended without pay for three days and another was issued a verbal warning, all...
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Hillary Clinton Performs Hilarious Stroke Victim Impersonation at U.N.

Hillary Clinton Performs Hilarious Stroke Victim Impersonation at U.N.

NEW YORK – In a rare display of lighthearted spontaneity at a United Nation’s Women’s Rights conference last week, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton followed her impassioned speech with a comical “stroke victim” impersonation that triggered a raucous response from delegates and conference guests. Howling laughter permeated the General Assembly Hall during Mrs....
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Obama Chastises First Lady Over Unsightly Panty Lines

Obama Chastises First Lady Over Unsightly Panty Lines

WASHINGTON – In a rare display of harsh criticism, President Obama lambasted First Lady Michelle Obama as she and the presidential children were preparing to board Air Force One. When the President first arrived on the tarmac he was all smiles as he waved to press members and staff that had gathered to see...
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NY Times Calls Obama Bicycle Photos ‘Rugged Masculinity Gone Wild!’

NY Times Calls Obama Bicycle Photos ‘Rugged Masculinity Gone Wild!’

NEW YORK – In an editorial earlier this week the New York Times gushed over photographs of President Obama riding his bicycle at Martha’s Vinyard, at one point exclaiming the president was “an example of rugged masculinity gone wild!” The newspaper derided critics of the president, even suggesting that John Boehner and Karl Rove...
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