NEEDLES, CA. – Mary Jane Wilson runs the YOU ARE HERE motel in the dust laden town of Needles, California. Mrs. Wilson runs a clean establishment that caters mostly to truckers and folks down on their luck. For $29.99, a tired traveler can get a room with a bed, a bathroom and cable television...
Read Story »
CARBORO, NC – With the few minutes each day that he’s spared gut wrenching spasms of intolerable pain and emotional anguish, James Michael Patrick Miller looks at family photos and listens to old cell phone messages. Last week doctors had given Miller no more than ten days to live and concluded that his final...
Read Story »
NEW YORK, NY – Former President Jimmy Carter was arraigned this morning in New York City Superior Court. He was charged with public intoxication, lewd and lascivious conduct, possession of cocaine, marijuana and authorities found enough XTC tabs to warrant distribution charges. He was also charged with resisting arrest. In the predawn raid FBI...
Read Story »
MATEHUALA, MEXICO – Yoko Ono, widow of Beatle John Lennon, has officially taken possession of boxing champion Evander Holyfield. As villagers and guests looked on, Ono’s bid for Holyfield was ceremonially accepted and then approved. As the crowd applauded, Ono signed the papers that guarantee her ownership of the beleaguered and cash strapped ex-heavyweight...
Read Story »
HOUMA, LA – Lawrence (Larry) Munzac was burned alive Saturday at a family picnic in Oblivion City Park. Thirteen family members and several transients watched in disbelief as Mr. Munzac was literally cooked in front of them. Transient Bill Jones saw the spectacle from behind the public restrooms. “I heard a big whoosh sound...
Read Story »
WASHINGTON – Vice President Joe Biden told seniors yesterday that yes, if necessary, the President would “drop the A-bomb” to guarantee the end of nuclear proliferation throughout the world. One of the five seniors present began gasping and had to have her oxygen tank refilled. The others were concentrating on their bingo game and...
Read Story »
I’d been hit several times by low flying birds. They seemed focused on me, not the other band members. So when I looked up and saw the largest pigeon hovering over me, I knew I was being targeted! The big bird hovered for a moment and then he turned his head and dipped into...
Read Story »
President Barack Obama called a high level security meeting with CIA and FBI officials yesterday to discuss assassinating Osama bin Laden. Though the meeting itself is not unusual, the fine points of the discussion (which have just been leaked by an anonymous source) are quite intriguing. The administration has revealed that Serena Williams is...
Read Story »
Baghdad – An Iraqi parliament spokesperson, Ali Chaliphonific Achlac Mesopotamian-Nightmare, was interrupted mid-way through an anti-smoking speech yesterday when an explosion half a block away sent a human leg flying just inches above his head. Mr. Nightmare was in the middle of a passionate speech regarding the implementation of strict new anti-smoking laws in...
Read Story »
In a small southern town that has no black inhabitants Reverend Jesse Jackson spoke out against black people today at the grand opening of a brand new Staples store. Talking to a group of reporters in the Staples parking lot, Jackson accused black Americans of playing the victim card and scolded them for not...
Read Story »
