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Hope and Change for Real This Time

Hope and Change for Real This Time

CARRBORO, NC – The Obama administration announced yesterday that their 2012 Presidential campaign “Hope and Change – for Real This Time” is ready to roll. During a speech to a group of supporters outside a North Carolina Gap store, President Obama conceded a less than stellar start in his presidency before enthusiastically encouraging his...
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Ahmadinejad Halts Iran’s Nuclear Plans After Madonna’s Super Bowl Performance

Ahmadinejad Halts Iran’s Nuclear Plans After Madonna’s Super Bowl Performance

Tehran – Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that he’s terminated all Iranian nuclear programs and said he will travel to Israel later in the week to meet with Prime Minister Netanyahu to discuss peace. The announcement was made from an orphanage in Mashhad where Ahmadinejad spent several hours hugging children and playing tag....
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Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress

Baltimore Ravens Kicker Blames Missed Field Goal on Do-Nothing Congress

FOXBOROUGH, MASS – After missing what would have been a game-tying field goal in the waning seconds of the AFC Championship game, Baltimore Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff told reporters that his frustration and disappointment with the U.S. Congress was a contributing factor in his bungled kick. Several of Cundiff’s family members concurred that the...
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World Celebrates Alec Baldwin’s Return to Twitter

World Celebrates Alec Baldwin’s Return to Twitter

When Alec Baldwin abandoned Twitter I think I was in a state of shock. I don’t even remember the first couple of weeks after it happened. You know what they say, denial ain’t no river in Egypt. But today when I heard he was back I cried happy tears. – Brittany Russell, Seattle, WA...
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Rick Perry Says Romney Beat Poor Elderly Woman with a Polo Mallet

Rick Perry Says Romney Beat Poor Elderly Woman with a Polo Mallet

New Hampshire – After getting walloped in Tuesday’s New Hampshire Republican primary, Texas Governor Rick Perry lashed out at Mitt Romney during an interview on FOX news. Perry called Romney a vulture capitalist who devours companies and leaves behind the carcases of the workers. He also said Romney was an unethical person who wants...
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Gingrich Campaign Denies Hiring Man to Stare at Mitt Romney During Debate

Gingrich Campaign Denies Hiring Man to Stare at Mitt Romney During Debate

NEW HAMPSHIRE – Newt Gingrich’s campaign manager denies that anyone on his staff paid a man to stare at Mitt Romney in an intimidating way during last night’s Republican debate in Manchester. But an anonymous source claims that a Gingrich campaign staffer gave a sinister looking man $137 and McDonald’s gift certificates to glare...
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Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

Jesus Christ Signs With Denver Broncos for $100 Million

DENVER – The Denver Broncos announced today that they’ve signed Jesus Christ to a one year, $100 million contract to play an unspecified position on their football team. After Sunday’s win over the Chicago Bears, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen met with Mr. Christ over cocktails at a downtown Denver AppleBee’s where he persuaded the...
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Barney Frank In Salary Negotiations For Elmer Fudd Role

NEW YORK – DreamWorks Studios announced today that they are in the final stages of salary negotiations with former Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank for their new Looney Tunes Bugs Bunny movie. Frank is slated to play Elmer Fudd in the two-hundred million dollar, three hour movie. The congressman expressed interest in the role when...
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Governor Rick Perry Patrols Border with Sniper Rifle

Governor Rick Perry Patrols Border with Sniper Rifle

TEXAS – In what some are calling a desperate attempt to garner support from the conservative base, Republican presidential candidate, Texas Governor Rick Perry, spent the weekend patrolling the Texas-Mexico border armed with a high powered rifle. At a town hall meeting on Friday, Perry told constituents that if they couldn’t depend on the...
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Demi Moore Dumps Ashton Kutcher for Herman Cain’s Illegitimate Son

Demi Moore Dumps Ashton Kutcher for Herman Cain’s Illegitimate Son

HOLLYWOOD – In a startling turn of events last night, actress Demi Moore announced she’d filed for divorce from husband Ashton Kutcher because she is involved with someone new. Rumors began circulating around Hollywood yesterday after Moore tweeted a short but revealing message to her fans: am seeing special guy 🙂 prepping for biracial...
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