CARRBORO, NC – The Obama administration announced yesterday that their 2012 Presidential campaign “Hope and Change – for Real This Time” is ready to roll. During a speech to a group of supporters outside a North Carolina Gap store, President Obama conceded a less than stellar start in his presidency before enthusiastically encouraging his...
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CAMBRIDGE, Md. – During the speech he delivered at the annual House Democratic retreat in January, Vice President Joe Biden disclosed that he’d fervently warned President Obama against moving forward with the attack that killed Osama bin Laden. Biden told congressional members that President Obama ignored his exhortation and stoically ordered U.S. special forces...
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Tehran – Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that he’s terminated all Iranian nuclear programs and said he will travel to Israel later in the week to meet with Prime Minister Netanyahu to discuss peace. The announcement was made from an orphanage in Mashhad where Ahmadinejad spent several hours hugging children and playing tag....
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New Hampshire – After getting walloped in Tuesday’s New Hampshire Republican primary, Texas Governor Rick Perry lashed out at Mitt Romney during an interview on FOX news. Perry called Romney a vulture capitalist who devours companies and leaves behind the carcases of the workers. He also said Romney was an unethical person who wants...
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NEW HAMPSHIRE – Newt Gingrich’s campaign manager denies that he or anyone on his staff paid a man to stare at Mitt Romney in an intimidating way during the Republican debate in Manchester. But an anonymous source told the Daily Rash that someone from the Gingrich campaign gave a sinister looking man $137 and...
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NEW YORK – DreamWorks Studios announced today that they are in the final stages of salary negotiations with Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank for their new Looney Tunes Bugs Bunny movie. Frank is slated to play Elmer Fudd in the five hundred million dollar, two part, six hour movie epic. The Congressman expressed interest in...
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TEXAS – In what some are calling a desperate attempt to garner support from the conservative base, Republican presidential candidate, Texas Governor Rick Perry, spent the weekend patrolling the Texas-Mexico border armed with a high powered rifle. At a town hall meeting on Friday, Perry told constituents that if they couldn’t depend on the...
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NORTH CAROLINA – In a shocking turn of events for the Herman Cain campaign, a Carrboro, North Carolina man says that his gravely ill mother confessed to him on her death bed that Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain is his biological father. Delashaun Friedman, a former shoe salesman who lives on disability benefits, said...
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WASHINGTON – Yet another Herman Cain scandal has been unearthed by the Politico news organization. The website reports that two women, who ask to remain anonymous, have come forward and said that in the late nineties Republican presidential candidate, Herman Cain, beat them senseless with a frozen turkey after they refused to accompany him...
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INDIANAPOLIS – After inundating Americans last week with dire warnings that rapes and murders would escalate out of control unless Republicans agreed to pass Obama’s jobs bill, Vice President Biden told students at a junior high school in Indianapolis that the beating, sodomizing and killing of Moammar Gaddafi is the equivalent of what many...
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