FOXBOROUGH, MASS – After missing what would have been a game-tying field goal in the waning seconds of the AFC Championship game, Baltimore Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff told reporters that his frustration and disappointment with the U.S. Congress was a contributing factor in his bungled kick. Several of Cundiff’s family members concurred that the...
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DENVER – The Denver Broncos announced today that they’ve signed Jesus Christ to a one year, $100 million contract to play an unspecified position on their football team. After Sunday’s win over the Chicago Bears, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen met with Mr. Christ over cocktails at a downtown Denver AppleBee’s where he persuaded the...
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LOS ANGELES - Toni Timberlake sat on the patio of his favorite West Hollywood Starbucks, gloomily sipping his third Iced Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. As community members sauntered down Santa Monica Blvd, he observed that their steps were missing their usual fun-loving bounce. Their faces, normally filled with lusty eagerness and anticipation, lacked expression,...
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GARDEN GROVE, CALIFORNIA – Ned Cockburn is an admitted obsessed NFL fanatic. A grown man who is crazy about the game, spending what he calls “an unhealthy” amount of time in front of the television watching NFL games, highlights, replays and analysis. Yesterday Ned shot sixteen of his neighbors because he was no longer...
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CHICAGO – After a bruising loss to the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Conference Championship, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler told reporters he was very disappointed that his teammates were not able to get him to the Super Bowl. Cutler left the game early in the third quarter due to a mysterious knee...
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MIAMI, FLORIDA – Former NFL coach Jimmy Johnson is a man with a mission. His obsession with completing that mission is so consuming that it overshadows the glory and grandeur of his former college and professional football coaching days. His desire so strong and powerful that he only sleeps three hours a night before...
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LOS ANGELES – As the bodies pile up at the city morgue and inner city alleyways, the residents of Los Angeles continue to celebrate their Lakers’ victory in the NBA championship against the Boston Celtics. Several cars continued to smolder as the sun rose following a night of raucous partying by a city that...
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NEW ORLEANS, LA – The New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts yesterday in Miami to become the Super Bowl Champions of the National Football League. When the game ended many patrons of French Quarter bars celebrated by gathering on Bourbon Street. While thousands of people danced and clapped their hands, others shot each...
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NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – Brett Favre hobbled off the field grimacing and moaning, clutching various parts of his body and screaming his mother’s name. He shuffled off the field of the Louisiana Superdome having lost the NFC Championship to the New Orleans Saints. As he entered the locker room his wife Deanna met him...
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WHITTIER, CA – In what appears to be a freak accident, a man inadvertently decapitated his own son while swinging at a pitch during a neighborhood softball game. The boy, nine year old Carl Carson Jr, was taken to Whittier Memorial Hospital by family members who pleaded with doctors to re-attach his head, but...
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