President Barack Obama called a high level security meeting with CIA and FBI officials yesterday to discuss assassinating Osama bin Laden. Though the meeting itself is not unusual, the fine points of the discussion (which have just been leaked by an anonymous source) are quite intriguing.
The administration has revealed that Serena Williams is going to kill Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
“We have been watching Miss Williams for some time now. Some of us were skeptical about her ability to follow through on the bin Laden assassination. But Saturday’s US Open left no doubt that Miss Williams is our gal” said CIA chief Robert Gates.
“I just wish we would have seized this opportunity years ago!”
Another source told The Daily Rash that the FBI had sent a phony email to Serena Williams from Osama bin Laden.
“I was told that they sent a fake email from Osama bin Laden to Williams in which he made harsh remarks about Serena’s playing skills,” the source told us on condition of anonymity. “And that’s all it took! She began to trash her house while cursing and screaming. She even threw her dog out the window! The CIA immediately called her and told her that they could have her on a plane to Pakistan in the hour. Williams didn’t even bother to pack a bag! With blind rage she ran into the waiting government car and was sped to the airport!”
According to confidential sources, Williams is in Pakistan right now following clues to bin Laden’s location. A Pakistan source told us that several close aids to bin Laden have said that their fearless leader was in dire straits after hearing that Williams had arrived in Pakistan.
“Even his most loyal foot soldiers have run for cover! Some stood by him… until they watched the US Open highlights. One by one they dropped their weapons and ran. Some of them were screaming! The rumor is that Bin Laden is alone somewhere in a room with a picture of his Mother and his lucky rabbit’s foot. Some even say that he’s reading the Bible!”
Miss Williams has written on her website that she plans to “bag this cave dwelling scumbag” before she is expected in China for the China Open on October, 3.