Cybill Shepherd Willing to Die Protesting the War On Women

NEW YORK – A defiant Cybill Shepherd shocked “CBS This Morning” television viewers Friday when she announced she would not be wearing a bulletproof vest when she marches on Washington to protest the war on women. Stunned viewers sat open mouthed, some admitted weeping while others sought counsel from clergy. One woman has already begun a drive to raise funds to pay for Cybill Shepherd’s hospital and/or funeral costs, asking donors to dig deep so that when Shepherd is shot her grown children can take a Caribbean cruise in her memory.

It didn’t take long before comparisons to Martin Luther King began escalating. A source close to Shepherd said the actress is studying Dr. King’s teachings in preparation for her own demise at the hands of an assassin.

“Cybill is not just Martin Luther King, but she’s also Bobby Kennedy, John Kennedy and Tupac Shakur,” the source boasted. “She’s a remarkable example of a fearless crusader willing to put herself in harm’s way to safeguard women from the reprehensible attacks on their freedoms.”

The actress told host Gayle King that abortion is a constitutional right and that birth control should be available to everyone. “I’m going to lead the next march on Washington and I’m not going to wear a bulletproof vest … and my mother is scared for me,” she exclaimed before Gayle King cut to a commercial.

Cybill Shepherd’s willingness to forgo a bulletproof vest has invigorated women around the country, young and old, to join the fight.

“To me, Cybill Shepherd is more like Rosa Parks than Martin Luther King or Tupac Shakur,” NYU student Brittany Cook told the Daily Rash, “because she’s a woman. And because she is unwilling to stand idle as white Republicans repeal our freedoms – she’s going to be shot.” When asked if she’d ever had an abortion herself the student was unequivocal – “I have not had an abortion yet, but when Cybill Shepherd is gunned down I’m going to get pregnant so I can get an abortion in her honor. It’s the least I can do.”

Seventy-seven year old Mavis Beanbottom is a retired school teacher in Vermont. Ever since her husband Bert left her for another woman in 1967 Mavis has had an overwhelming urge to fight against something but says she always lacked the courage.

“After seeing Cybill Shepherd’s willingness to leave herself vulnerable to the gunfire that demonstrators against the War on Women have to contend with, I couldn’t help but be uplifted by her grit and courage. So I’ve made the decision to risk my life and protest alongside Miss Shepherd without wearing a bulletproof vest.”

During an appearance on the Maury Povich Show, Cybill Shepherd was asked if she was at all frightened about being assassinated.

“You know, Maury, we’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn’t matter to me now because I’ve been to the mountaintop. So no, I don’t mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place, but I’m not concerned about that now. I’ve seen the promised land from a mountaintop, Maury. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that women will get to the promised land. So I’m happy tonight, I’m not worried about anything, I’m not fearing white Republican men. Mine eyes have seen the glory of unfettered abortions and government sanctioned contraception.”

Cybill Shepherd’s publicist said the actress is hoping to march on Washington sometime soon, though an actual date has not been set. The publicist added that much to her mother’s chagrin, Cybill Shepherd will be protesting in a hail of gunfire without a bulletproof vest.


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