Dayton Ohio Gets a New Police Chief Courtesy of Eric Holder

Dayton Police Chief Deleshantai Washington

DAYTON, OHIO – The proud city of Dayton and its police department is celebrating the quick promotion of one of its newer recruits who is soon to take over as Chief of Police. It was only two weeks ago that Deleshantai Washington passed the recruiting exam that, thanks to the new lowered passing test scores recently implemented by Attorney General Eric Holder, allows those who’d previously failed to be sworn in as Dayton Police officers.

Deleshantai Washington, born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio, has spent most of his life looking for himself. He told The Daily Rash that over the years there were many times he thought he’d found himself, only to wake up the next day to realize that he hadn’t. It was just a few months ago when he spoke with a man who had a cousin that knew somebody who was related to a man who worked security at the Department of Justice. That man encouraged Deleshantai to take the Dayton Police recruiting exam even if he had doubts of passing it.

“I was angry when he said I would have doubts ’bout gettin’ past that exam,” Deleshantai laughed, “I had a hankerin’ to wallop him upside the head, I sure did! But I’m sure glad I didn’t or I might not be the new Dayton Police Chief!” When asked if he’d finally found himself, Deleshantai beamed and nodded his head up and down.

The Department of Justice recently forced the Dayton Police Department to lower its testing standards for recruits because they said there weren’t enough African Americans passing the exams. What used to be considered a failing grade on the exam is now considered exemplary. When Deleshantai’s test score of 7 was tallied he was given a ribbon, a certificate and a badge. The next day he was issued a gun with bullets before being sent out to protect Dayton, Ohio from bad guys.

“Some white man handed me a gun and a bunch of bullets. Just gave ’em to me, no strings attached. I thought I was dreaming!”

The Dayton NAACP was not happy that lowered test scores were being accepted as a way to include more black applicants. “The NAACP does not support individuals failing a test and then having the opportunity to be gainfully employed,” a spokesperson told reporters.

A spokesperson for the D.O.J. told The Daily Rash that by accepting lower scores, the Dayton Police Department is able to hire more unintelligent whites and Hispanics too.

“With the possible exception of the Japanese, there are stupid people of all colors and cultures who are unable to meet the rigid test standards previously used by the Dayton Police Department. By lowering those standards we feel that folks of all colors, from all walks of life will get an opportunity to serve their community, boost their self-esteem and maybe even shoot a bad guy. It’s not only fair, but it’s the right thing to do. Just because you’re an idiot doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be an officer of the law.”

Eric Holder

It was in 2009 when Attorney General Eric Holder told D.O.J. employees, “Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial, we have always been and we — I believe, continue to be in too many ways essentially a nation of cowards.” After putting into effect the lowered standards in Dayton, Holder told The Daily Rash that he sees a brighter future for all Americans.

“When you’ve got a nation willing to put a gun and their safety into the hands of the unqualified, the incapable and the inept, you’ve got yourself a courageous nation. A nation that no longer accepts racial inequality. A nation that I am proud to say I helped shape.”



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