HONOLULU, HAWAII – When Duane “Dog” Chapman appeared on The Tyra Banks Show yesterday, it was several minutes into the interview before Tyra noticed he only had one arm. Even then, she was unaware that Chapman had been in possession of both arms until just a few days before the taping.
Duane “Dog” Chapman was the star of A&E’s hit television show Dog the Bounty Hunter. For eight years Dog chased down criminals every week on A&E for “Da Kine Bail Bonds” in Honolulu, Hawaii.
Dog the Bounty Hunter chronicles the harrowing escapades of Chapman who, along with immediate family members, works to rid the world of dangerous criminals. Dog’s two sons, Leland and Duane Lee, his buxom wife Beth and daughter “Baby” Lyssa, scour the Earth’s crevasses for criminals on the run from the law. Dog’s bad-boy biker attitude is accentuated by bulbous muscles and an exaggerated peroxide-laden mullet that ridicules his scalp. He and his family struggle valiantly to keep the rest of us safe from the nefarious under-belly of society.
It was during a commercial break after she’d introduced Duane Dog Chapman that Tyra Banks was informed he’d recently lost his arm. When the show resumed she asked her guest what had happened.
TYRA: So Dog, I have been remiss in asking about your missing arm. Can you ever forgive me?
DOG: Of course Tyra. I’m a forgiving man unless you’ve broken the law. You haven’t broken the law have you?
TYRA: Well, not unless you call having a big scrumptious booty breaking the law!
The studio audience erupted with laughter and applause. Tyra made a funny face and high-fived Dog’s remaining arm.
TYRA: So what happened to your poor arm?
DOG: Well, I accidentally chewed it off, Tyra.
Tyra looked at her audience with wide eyes. She made her head weave back and forth on her neck and then pointed to Dog.
TYRA: You did not just tell me that you chewed your own arm off … Huh-uh, no you didn’t!
Many in the studio audience bent over with convulsive laughter as others looked at each other with gaping mouths, shaking their heads. Tyra then asked Dog to describe what had happened.
DOG: I sleep pretty deep. Sometimes my wife literally has to hit me on the head with a skillet to wake me up.
TYRA: You talkin’ deep sleep, huh Dog?
DOG: I’m talkin’ deep sleep. So a few nights ago I was having a dream that I was chasing a bad criminal through an alley way. In the dream there were no TV cameras and my buxom wife wasn’t there either. When I ran around a dark corner I was hit in the head with something heavy and I went down.
TYRA: The Dog went down?
DOG: Remember, it was just a dream.
(The audience howled with laughter)
Tyra’s eyes grew wide and the audience snickered.
TYRA: But it wasn’t the bad man’s arm after all…is that what you’re about to tell me, Dog?
DOG: Yep, turns out it was my own arm I was chewing on.
TYRA: How were you able to chew your entire arm off?
DOG: (Laughing) I wish I could answer that! When my wife finally woke me up by hitting me on my head with a ten pound barbell, I had a mouthful of my own arm and blood was squirting on the walls.
TYRA: Is it bleeding now? Your bandage looks bloody.
DOG: Yeah, it’s been leaking some. We tied a tourniquet on it but before we could leave for the hospital De Kine Bail Bonds called and said they had another runner.
TYRA: You went after a criminal after you’d just chewed your own arm off?
DOG: Yep! My wife tied off what was left of my arm, soaked it with peroxide and bandaged it. Then we called the kids and went to catch bad guys.
At that point, Dog passed out and fell out of his chair. Paramedics were called and he was rushed to the hospital. His buxom wife Beth made a statement outside the hospital.
“Dog lost a lot of blood and they said there’s stuff like gangrene in his stub. But Dog wants me to tell all the criminals out there, he doesn’t need two arms to put you back in jail. Just because he ain’t on TV no more don’t mean he won’t be hunting you down!”