GULF OF MEXICO – After a fun filled day of snorkeling and water skiing in the Gulf of Mexico, the Dunlap family was exhausted. Herb and Stella Dunlap almost canceled their beach vacation in 2010 after the large oil spill in the Gulf. After family and friends warned that it might be too dangerous to vacation there, the Dunlaps were about to throw in the towel when their young son Tobias convinced them otherwise.
“We were sitting in the living room watching Hoarders when Tobias walked in,” recalled Stella. “He said he was looking forward to the beach trip so much and that a little bit of oil wouldn’t bother him at all.”
“He said those exact words,” added Herb. “I just sat back in my recliner and looked at him, stunned at his positive attitude. Then my mind raced with the usual parental concerns, will my children be OK? What if one of them drowns? Do we have the money to pay for a decent burial? Would we have the funeral down there or ship the body back home? Open or closed casket?”
After a family meeting the Dunlaps decided the vacation they’d been looking forward to for nine months was more important than a few million gallons of oil.
“So there’s some oil in the water. Hell, you should see the bottom of our bathtub!” laughed Herb. “After a few hours of water skiing, we really didn’t even notice the oil anymore. We were having too much fun playing in the water.”
“Oh my God! I did not just water ski for two solid hours!” cried sixteen year old Aimeee Dunlap, as her mother helped her peel the oil off her body. “I haven’t had that much fun since, since I can’t remember!”
The Daily Rash asked Aimeee how it felt to ski on an oil slick.
“It was a little weird at first, you know, cause when I fell down the oil kept me afloat. The first time I stood up on the water was a trip. Next thing you know, I’m walking over to the boat, on the water, to get a towel to wipe the oil off my face. It was so cool.”
Mr. Dunlap explained that he was forced to rent an air boat when their speedboat was unable to churn through the thick sludge.
“We were pretty disappointed until this local fella told us we could rent his air boat. Since the propeller fans are above the water it can hit some pretty high speeds. We got going so fast one time that I’m pretty sure I saw sparks, so I slowed it down a bit. Didn’t want the entire beach to explode!”
Stella Dunlap said she’s spent most of her time floating on the Gulf reading her new Oprah biography.
“I don’t even need a life preserver. The water is so thick that I can walk on it to my preferred spot and just lay down. It’s like reading on my water bed back home.”
Herb and his eldest son Muhammad (named after Muhammad Ali) spent most of their time fishing.
“It is just unbelievable the amount of fish we’ve hauled in,” Herb crowed as he popped open a can of Guinness. “We don’t even need fishing poles. If the fish are close enough to the surface we just reach down and grab em. They’re so worn out from trying to swim through the thick water that they don’t even put up a fight,” he bellowed before gulping his beer.
“Muhammad and I dragged a 150 pound marlin to shore yesterday. We’re having it power-washed at an industrial site in town.”
Herb howled with laughter and grabbed another beer.
The Dunlaps said that the best part of the trip is not having to keep an eye on six year old Tobias. Since he cannot sink in the water they don’t have to worry about him.
“Hell, we looked up yesterday afternoon and the little runt had walked a half-mile out to sea!”
Herb leaned back and became pensive.
“I’ll have to refer to my Bible when we get home, but I don’t even think Jesus walked that far!”