WASHINGTON – In an effort to raise additional campaign cash the Obama administration has come up with an unusual way for supporters to help the president’s reelection bid. Anyone who donates $25 or more can pick up President Obama and hold him. Campaign staffers admit the president was wary of the idea at first, but response from supporters at fundraisers in Ohio and Indiana over the weekend proved to be overwhelming.
“Folks lined up around the building for the chance to pick up President Obama and hold him,” said staffer Brad Baggengiether. “We raised so much money the president bought the whole staff a big load of Chicken Tenders from Burger King.”
“I can tell my grandchildren that I picked up the president of the United States and held him in my arms,” boasted Ohio warehouse worker, Don Slathz. “If more candidates would allow voters to pick them up it would definitely enhance their chances of being elected. Because he let me pick him up and hold him I feel a lot closer to President Obama than I do to Mitt Romney.”
Sharon Ludvitz Schmickle, a diminutive Cincinnati dog catcher, waited in line for 45 minutes to pick up the president.
“Since I’m only 5 feet tall the president’s staff were hesitant to let me pick him up and hold him. Even when I told them I was strong as an ox they were still reluctant. They finally gave in after I offered to up my donation to $32.”
Herb Podobinski took a bus from West Virginia for the chance to pick up and hold the president of the United States.
“When we heard about the opportunity my wife and I decided that one of us was going to Ohio and pick up the president. After we borrowed money for bus fare and the $25 donation we flipped a coin to see which one of us would go. I felt kind of bad when I won the coin toss, but I knew this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity so I hugged my wife and jumped on the bus.”
A few hours after Herb picked up and held President Obama he sat forlorn on a bench outside the Greyhound bus station.
“I just feel a little empty,” he confessed. “When you’ve picked up the president of the United States and held him in your arms, what are you ever going to do to top that? I kind of wish I hadn’t done it now. I feel changed. I just want my old life back, you know?”
A Romney campaign spokesperson said the candidate doesn’t have any plans to allow donors to pick him up and hold him, but said the option of letting supporters sit on Paul Ryan’s lap is being considered.