Harry Reid Admits He Sold Heroin to Pay Gambling Debts

HarryReidLAS VEGAS – This morning Nevada Senator Harry Reid told a group of senior citizens he sold heroin to high school children last year in order to raise money to pay his gambling debts. Several hours after the announcement he agreed to be interviewed on MSNBC by Reverend Al Sharpton. Following is a transcript of that conversation which airs on Sharpton’s show, PoliticsNation, at 6 pm (EST) on MSNBC.

AL SHARPTON: I welcome the former chief of the senators, Harry Reid, to my own show on MSNBC. Welcome to my show former Chief.

HARRY REID:  Thank you for having me, Mr. Sharpton.

AL SHARPTON:  You may call me Reverend.

HARRY REID: Of course, Reverend.

AL SHARPTON: Let’s get down to brass taxis and get straight to the meat in the pudding. You told senile citizens that you sold heroin to high school kids?

HARRY REID:  Yep.

AL SHARPTON:  (chuckling) You a crazy old man ain’t ya?

HARRY REID:  (smiling) Crazy as a Coonhound.

AL SHARPTON:  (grimacing) That statement could be conscrewed as a racialized commitment.

HARRY REID:  (Winking) Don’t get your panties in a wad, Reverend. Coonhounds are smart dogs, let me tell you.

AL SHARPTON:  Apology accepted. Now, Mr. Harry, aren’t you worried there will be a blacklash from your announcement that you sold heroin?

HARRY REID:  I’m not running for reelection. What do I have to worry about?

AL SHARPTON:  The heroin. You could end up in a prison wearing pajaSharptonmas.

HARRY REID:  (snickering) I’m a bad man, Reverend. Believe me, nobody’s going to rat on Harry Reid. I can promise you that.

AL SHARPTON:  But you sold heroin!

HARRY REID:  If they come after me I’ll just say I was kidding or I’ll apologize to somebody. Hell, everybody apologizes to you, maybe I will too.

AL SHARPTON:  But you can’t say you sold heroin and not expect somebody to instigate you for charges. You know some republican is going to organalize a commentary to come after you.

HARRY REID:  There’s nothing to come after. They won’t find anybody to corroborate my confession, I already told you that. So what are they going to do? Don’t forget, I’m a lawyer. I know what I can get away with.

AL SHARPTON:  There’s always somebody who’ll talk. I used to be a snitch for the FBI, I know what I’m sayin’.

HARRY REID:  I assure you, nobody’s gonna squeal on Harry Reid.

AL SHARPTON: Let’s talk about those gambling debits. How much did you owe?

HARRY REID:  Let’s just say it was well into the seven figures.

AL SHARPTON:  (writing on a piece of paper) Whoa, that’s over a hundred billion dollars.

HARRY REID:  It’s not quite that high, Reverend.

AL SHARPTON:  It’s a lot of money. What did you bet on?

HARRY REID:  Hell, I made bets on everything. I think one time I even bet that you’d end up in prison because of your tax problems.

AL SHARPTON:  (smiling) But I didn’t, did I? I guess I’m crazy as a corn dog, too, huh?

HARRY REID:  (scratching his chin) No doubt about that.

AL SHARPTON:  So how did you become a heroin dealer?

ReidHARRY REID:  Well, I was behind in my gambling payments and, as you can see by my face, I was given a warning to pay up or face more unpleasant consequences.

AL SHARPTON:  You got beat up pretty good. I thought you said those bruises were from falling off your tractor.

HARRY REID:  I said I’d fallen off my treadmill to spare my family any grief.

AL SHARPTON:  But now you say you were beat up because of your gambling debits. What else were they going to do to you?

HARRY REID:  I didn’t want to find out. I’ve got a loving wife, a bunch of kids and a hoard of grandchildren. I had no intention of causing them any grief. So I put the word out on the street that I was in the market for a large quantity of low grade heroin and then I cut it with flour to get more bang for my buck.

AL SHARPTON:  Why did you sell to high school students? Couldn’t you have found some adulterers who weren’t so innocent?

HARRY REID:  Selling to teenagers put more risk into the adventure. I like taking risks.

AL SHARPTON: You mean like the risk you took when you lied and said Mitt Romney didn’t pay his taxes?

HARRY REID: (chuckling) Where was the risk in that? I knew the press would run with it. The only risk today for a Democrat politician is forgetting to yell racism or homophobia on those rare occasions when a reporter asks you a real question.

AL SHARPTON: (laughing) And don’t forget the global change denialers.

HARRY REID:  (squinting at Sharpton) Sure, that too.

reid_sunglassesAL SHARPTON:  Mr. Harry, what plans do you have after you are finished sitting in your senatoriate chair?

HARRY REID:  I’m going to produce pornography videos.

AL SHARPTON:  (wide eyed) Pronography? Are you crazy?

HARRY REID:  I’m a bad man, Reverend. I’m a wild man.

AL SHARPTON:  But, Mr. Harry, pronography? How is that going to reflect your legancy?

HARRY REID:  I don’t adhere to the status quo, Reverend. Never have. I make my own rules. I’m a rebel. That will be my legacy.

AL SHARPTON: But pronography?

HARRY REID: Pornography is just one of many things I’ll be involved in. I also have plans to design my own line of clothing inspired by my love of hip hop music and I’ve been talking with Bono about opening a sustainable vegan restaurant in Kokomo, Indiana.

AL SHARPTON: Do you plan to lie about republicans to help Hillary become the first president to dance on a glass ceiling?

HARRY REID: (chuckling) Hillary’s been planning to be president since Bill was bangin’ his state trooper trollops. Believe me, she doesn’t need my help. Hell hath no fury like a woman who’s clung to the coattails of a serial philanderer as long as she has. Over the years her thirst for power became maniacal. God help us if she doesn’t win this election.

HillarypornAL SHARPTON: Maybe if she loses she could work at your pronography business.

HARRY REID: (scratching chin) Well, Sappho themes have always been popular.

AL SHARPTON:  Heck, even I’d pay to see a prono with Hillary Clinton in Afro Sheen! Oh, oh, we’re out of time. Thanks for being my guest on my show, Chief Harry.

HARRY REID: My pleasure.

 

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