NEW YORK – In a rare display of lighthearted spontaneity at a United Nation’s Women’s Rights conference last week, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton followed her impassioned speech with a comical “stroke victim” impersonation that triggered a raucous response from delegates and conference guests. Howling laughter permeated the General Assembly Hall during Mrs. Clinton’s lampoon with many delegates wiping tears from their eyes. Many of those who were unable to understand what Mrs. Clinton was saying during her performance later remarked that her nuanced grasp of physical comedy caused them to explode with laughter.
The conference was led by representatives from the Democratic Republic of Congo, Nepal and Sudan. Mrs. Clinton’s speech was rife with scathing rebukes directed at the Taliban and the United States for their continued unconscionable treatment of women.
But at the conclusion of her speech, rather than leaving the podium Mrs. Clinton paused and took a sip from her water bottle. She then took a deep breath and, without an introduction, magically transformed into a comedic “stroke victim” personae. Interpreters scrambled to translate what Mrs. Clinton said while attempting in vain to quell their own laughter.
While making a grotesquely gnarled face, Secretary Clinton spoke haltingly out of the corner of her mouth as she contorted her body. Most of her comedic lines dealt with the oppression of American women by conservative white men.
“I’m an old white Republican and former Senator of the United States and I say, if women can’t keep their pants on then we should take their pants away and put ‘em in short skirts!” Clinton snorted to the delight of her audience.
“That’s right, let’s make ‘em do what they’re here to do in the first place… make babies!”
Guffaws and sobs of hysterical laughter bounced off the walls of the Hall.
“Since women are second class citizens let’s keep ‘em illiterate too!”
Mrs. Clinton paused to allow the roaring laughter subside before her last zinger -
“Hell, while we’re at it, let’s pass a law that gives white men the deed to all the vaginas! That’s right, I own that vagina! Now, serve me my supper, Wench!”
The hall erupted into wild applause followed by a rousing 20 minute standing ovation.
Former President Bill Clinton attended the conference along with Al Gore for the sole purpose of seeing his wife’s stroke victim impersonation.
“Ah, I remember the first time Hillary did her stroke victim impersonation for me. We were on our second date and she was really shy about it. She kept saying it was stupid and that I wouldn’t like it. When she finally performed for me I was laughing so hard I blew a big old fart and Pepsi came out of my nose.”
The President said Mrs. Clinton incorporates a myriad of characters for her stroke victim impersonation.
“There’s some Popeye in there and a little bit of Festus from Gunsmoke,” the President said. “Heck, lots of folks swear they recognize some Millard Fillmore too. But mostly it’s just Hillary’s magical ability to encapsulate a funny character that everyone ends up loving and cherishing.”
“Tipper and I were having dinner with Governor and Mrs. Clinton in 92. We were eating desert when I felt a kick under the table. I looked up and Hillary winked at me and then began impersonating a stroke victim. We laughed so hard that the cream from my chocolate eclair came out of my nose and Tipper farted like a large farm animal. That’s when I decided to accept the offer to be Governor Clinton’s presidential running mate.”
“Before we gathered on the steps of the Capital, Senator Clinton gave a short speech about standing tall and being strong. Then the next thing I know she’s doing this insanely hilarious stroke victim impersonation that managed to give us all a small respite from our deep grief and sorrow. It was right after that that we sang God Bless America on the Capital steps. Hillary’s stroke victim impersonation was the inspiration for that moment.”
President Nicolas Sarkozy of France loved Hillary’s stroke victim impersonation so much that he told an aide he wouldn’t be surprised if Secretary Clinton one day replaces Jerry Lewis as France’s favorite comedian.