Hope and Change for Real This Time

ObamaNotLefty Hope and Change for Real This TimeCARRBORO, NC – The Obama administration announced yesterday that their 2012 Presidential campaign “Hope and Change – for Real This Time” is ready to roll. During a speech to a group of supporters outside a North Carolina Gap store, President Obama conceded a less than stellar start in his presidency before enthusiastically encouraging his audience to help him win another four years in the White House. Following is a transcript of the President’s speech.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Some of you might remember a few years ago when I spoke to you about hope and change. When tens of millions of you jubilantly jumped on the bandwagon with an eagerness to ride with me into the dawn of a new age. You were dedicated, committed and you were focused. You were giddy with enthusiasm, intoxicated with anticipation, electrified with motivation. You took to the Internet and you knocked on doors. You made phone calls and you gave me a whole lot of your money!

The President smiled big.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Side by side we won the White House and together we were determined to make a change. We stood shoulder to shoulder on a mission to reshape our world. Committed to an unbounded sense of purpose and steadfast in our determination, each of us was an integral part of a crusade that would not be stopped.

Obama paused and looked at his audience.obama happy1 Hope and Change for Real This Time

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Now, I’ll admit, we didn’t actually change anything. And I know that my failure to live up to the hype resulted in lots of gullible folks losing enthusiasm. I know some of you feel you were duped. Maybe you’re embarrassed at how easily you were persuaded to believe that I could accomplish miracles when I’d never actually accomplished anything before. Maybe some of you feel sorry for yourselves. That’s understandable. But self-pity is an insidious emotion. It makes you feel all warm and cuddly for a while, but in the end it offers you nothing but doom and gloom. And doom and gloom is the polar opposite of hope and change, folks. Fact is, the last time I checked, doom and gloom is a banner the Republicans like to wave around!

The crowd responded with mild applause accompanied by a handful of whistles and a woman who shouted, “woo-hoo!”

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Let’s not forget what’s going to happen if a Republican gets into the White House. No more birth control.

Several people booed and a woman yelled out “Oh my God!”

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  That’s right. You think it sucks being unemployed now? Wait until a couple of years from now when you’ve got several unwanted mouths to feed and the Republican president refuses to extend your unemployment benefits.

Barack+Obama+Campaign+Weeks+Away+Election+MMyaoaklmbGl Hope and Change for Real This TimeGrumbling was heard in the audience.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  So I’m asking you today, let go of your disappointments. Leave them at home with your apathy and your cynicism. Because that’s not any way to live and deep in your hearts you know it.

Obama looked out at the crowd.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Do you want to feel better?”

A man shouted, “Yes!”

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  I know that you want your free healthcare and I know you want the richest one percent to pay you your fair share. I opened the doors so our gay soldiers no longer had to hide. Re-elect me so our gay brothers and sisters aren’t forced back into dark alleys late at night. So that you don’t lose a limb or bleed to death in the parking lot of a hospital because you don’t have health insurance. So that Republicans don’t make your little children work 12 hour days doing janitorial work at their schools.

There was more applause and several women shouted “woo-hoo!”

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Re-elect me and I’ll put a windmill in every backyard and a union-made electric car in every driveway. I’ll have anybody smoking a cigarette in the vicinity of a child arrested. I’ll guarantee 13 year-old girls 24-hour access to free abortions up till the moment of birth without parental consent. Under my administration we’ll have the first transgender space station and unless you’re a criminal, I’ll make sure it’s impossible to own a gun.

The crowd became euphoric and began chanting Obama! Obama! Obama!

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Remember when I said I was going to close Guantanamo and put an end to military tribunals? That I’d stop rendition and rescind the Patriot Act? Well, re-elect me and not only will I really do all those things, but I’ll even veto the National Defense Authorization Act that I just signed into law!

The crowd erupted into orgiastic screams as they jumped up and down and high fived.barack obama sunglasses 2 Hope and Change for Real This Time

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Today I am extending to the American people a renewed vow to give you what you wanted so badly in 2008, but this time it’s for real! This time there’s no foolin’ around!

The crowd began doing the wave and shouting, Obama! Obama! Obama!

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Jump back on board with me and start knockin’ on doors! Make those phone calls, get back on the Internet and get out your wallets! Round up anybody you know who’s exploitable, naive and unsuspecting. We all know somebody who’s desperate to fit in, eager to belong and impressionable. Seek out those who don’t have many friends cause lots of times they’ll do anything you ask as long as they think you like them. Prey on the gullible! If you really want hope and change, do everything you are capable of to put me back into the White House. Because I promise you, this time – it’s for real!

A recording of Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the USA began playing over loud speakers and the crowd jumped up and down enthusiastically while smiling.

 

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