Large Naked Pedophile Picnics Outside Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant

Sigourney Ledbetter outside Chuck E Cheese

BEAVERTON, OREGON – Rod Sterling has been the assistant manager of Beaverton’s Chuck E. Cheese restaurant for eleven years. He’s had to deal with surly children, spilled drinks and crying toddlers. He’s helped burp babies, break up fights and calm impatient mothers. But for all his experiences in his eleven years as assistant manager of Chuck E. Cheese, Rod had yet to encounter any naked pedophiles picnicking outside the entrance of his restaurant before.

“Hell, I thought I’d seen it all before today,” Rod carped, puffing on a Camel non-filter. “I’ve wrestled with drunk dads, fought off amorous moms and been kicked you know where by four year-old hoodlums. But yesterday was my first naked pedophile.” Rod flipped his cigarette into the parking lot.

“And I for dang sure hope he was my last!”

Sigourney Ledbetter is a thirty-five year-old pedophile from Yamhill, Oregon, about thirty miles southwest of Beaverton. He’s worked as an x-ray technician at a small hospital for two years. Before that Mr. Ledbetter dabbled in new age mysticism, designed simulated leather handbags and supported a variety of local causes. In November of 2010 Sigourney celebrated film director Roman Polanski’s release from jail by sitting naked outside Beaverton’s Chuck E Cheese where he snacked on a bacon wrapped Cornish game hen, fried green tomatoes and garlic and thyme sweet potatoes. After he was arrested, Ledbetter spoke to the Daily Rash from his jail cell at the Beaverton municipal lock-up.

Assistant Manager Rod Sterling

SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:  “I’ve been a pedophile since I was thirteen years old. I’ve never acted on it, but deep down in my heart I am a devout pedophile.”

DAILY RASH:  Thirteen? Can one be a pedophile while still a child himself?

SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:  I guess. I mean, I really dug other thirteen year-olds so I figured I was a pedophile. I spent the next several years coming to grips with that knowledge. It really interfered with intramural sports and rollerskating parties.

(Ledbetter went on to say that his pedophilia had lain dormant for over twenty years until he began following the saga of Roman Polanski.)

SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:  When Roman Polanski was detained in Switzerland, I was once again faced with the horror of my own pedophilia. I began struggling to come to terms with a deviation that I thought I’d put to rest through abusing drugs and alcohol and several near-miss suicide attempts. I took a week off from work and sat in my basement in the dark. I only went upstairs to eat, use the facilities and check my Facebook account. I thought I could flush the perversion from my being. After ten days I reemerged and turned on the news. That’s when I saw that Switzerland was not going to deport Roman Polanski to the United States.

DAILY RASH:  So when you heard that Polanski had been released, you decided to sit naked outside a Chuck E Cheese?



SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:  Oh God, who knows. To show solidarity? Maybe to bring to light issues that America just isn’t prepared to deal with?

THE DAILY RASH:  Like pedophilia?

SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:  Yeah, and that too.

DAILY RASH:  Maybe you aren’t a pedophile after all. Thirteen year-olds are supposed to be attracted to other thirteen year-olds.

SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:  Lord, don’t be telling me that. The way I’m being abused here in jail, I better be a pedophile!

DAILY RASH: Pretty bad huh?

SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER: Before the prisoners get done with me the guards are already standing in line for some.

DAILY RASH:   What if you told them that you really aren’t a pedophile? That you were mistaken.

SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:   Once these guys get going, there aren’t many who are eager for in-depth conversation.

DAILY RASH:  Do you think you’re a pedophile?

SIGOUREY LEDBETTER:  Oh, who knows anymore. Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.

DAILY RASH:  When Roman Polanski was arrested, he spent his time in a luxurious chateau eating gourmet meals and drinking fine wine. Do you think it’s fair?

SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:  You mean because I’m being gang-raped twenty-four hours a day and eating bologna sandwiches?


SIGOURNEY LEDBETTER:  Well, I did sit naked outside a Chuck E Cheese. I might have brought this on myself.

Because of the Labor Day weekend, Sigourney Ledbetter still has several long days in lock-up before appearing in court next week.

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