Middle-Aged Wall Street Protester Still Living With His Parents

Bernard Angelopoulos

CARRBORO, NC – Two weeks ago Bernard Angelopoulos was sitting in his dad’s favorite recliner watching VH1’s ‘Celebrity Rehab’ hoping the show would distract him from thinking about his broken PlayStation. After weeks of determined diligence, Bernard was on the verge of winning the Masters Classic Tournament on SEGA’s Bass Fishing video game when his PlayStation crashed. Although ‘Celebrity Rehab’ was chock-full of riveting insight into the lives of obscure celebrity substance abusers, Bernard was unable to stop thinking about his parent’s refusal to replace his PlayStation. Overwhelmed with frustration, Bernard had stomped outside to the patio to smoke.

“While I was smoking an old friend from high school called and told me about the protests on Wall Street. I’d always wanted to protest something but never had the opportunity. My friend said he was going to drive to New York the next day and asked me to come along. Since I didn’t have any money I told him I couldn’t go and continued smoking cigarettes.”

Much to Bernard’s surprise, when his parents heard about his desire to travel to New York they eagerly offered him money for the trip.

“My dad jumped in the car and drove to an ATM machine and mom packed my suitcase. It was great!”

Bernard Angelopoulos turns 41 in November. Although he’s got two bachelor degrees, one in Sustainable Studies and the other in Non-Profit Clothing Design, he’s been unable to find work since the last time he graduated from college, which was eight years ago. Since then he’s been living at home with his parents. Over time he said he’s learned to accept that corporate greed has rendered him occupationally impotent.

Bernard’s high school buddy, Darby Giannopoulos, also lives with his parents. Darby went to college for nine years and managed to earn an Associate of Arts degree in Pedestrian History. He said he was forced to constantly switch his major because society’s aggressive demands on students to excel through competition sabotaged his focus. Darby is now pursuing art.

Darby Giannopoulos

“I’m an artist. I’ve always been an artist even though I wasn’t aware that I was an artist until a few months ago. I woke up one day and had an overwhelming urge to paint. I’m convinced that I probably should have been painting since I was a child. Right now I’m unable to develop creatively because my mom and dad think oil paints are too expensive. But one day I’ll show them. One day I’ll show everybody.”

Upon reaching New York City Bernard and Darby felt an immediate kinship with the protesters.

“Right after we arrived several artistic types welcomed us and gave us organic tofu nuggets and fiber-rich flax seeds. It made me feel better because my mom’s car had just been towed after I parked in front of a fire hydrant,” Darby said.

People, that’s what this protest is all about,” Bernard shared as he gnawed on a nugget of tofu. “This revolution is about you and me and everybody else who doesn’t have millions of dollars. I’ve learned so much today. I had no idea that Wall Street predators want people to go hungry and not be gay. And don’t get me started on the Tea Party. The more I learn the angrier I get.”

Darby told the Daily Rash that he and Bernard have already begun to reassess their lives.

“Bernard’s dad is a bigwig at a savings and loan and my mom makes big bucks at a national insurance company. How are we going to look them in the eye when we get back home? I mean, they’re the enemy!”

In order to extend their participation in the revolution, Bernard and Darby have no choice but to withdraw cash at the ATM from their parent’s bank accounts.

“It makes us sick that we’re forced to use their money to fight against the greed and power they represent,” Darby lamented, “but that’s capitalism for you.”

“Ironic, isn’t it?” Bernard added sardonically.

The irony continued later that evening when mockumentary filmmaker Michael Moore, New-Age charlatan Deepak Chopra, hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons and Hollywood actress Susan Sarandon, all of whom enjoy an individual net worth over $50 million, joined the protesters in their revolt against the rich and powerful.


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