NEW YORK – Famed meteorologist, comedian and actress, Rosie O’Donnell, has officially determined that global warming was culprit behind the deadly tornadoes in the United States last summer. O’Donnell shared the results of her research on her radio show last week, confirming what other celebrity scientists have been warning about for quite some time.
“Miss O’Donnell is in her laboratory sixteen, sometimes eighteen hours a day,” her publicist told The Daily Rash in a phone conversation. “She some how manages to squeeze in time for her daily radio show, raise her children and cook large beef-based meals between her climate experiments and other important science stuff. She’s a busy woman who knows no boundaries.”
Fellow scientist and entertainer, Bill Maher, concurred with O’Donnell’s findings that global warming is causing killer tornadoes. He also claims that if people would smoke more pot, purchase prostitutes and burn their bibles it would make life much easier by helping to ease the agony of their impending annihilation that is guaranteed by the calamitous effects of global warming. When asked if burning bibles wouldn’t contribute to more global warming, Mr. Maher smirked and called the questioner an as*hole.
In a recent interview with Science magazine from his lab at the National Center for Atmospheric Research, famed astro physicist and television actor, Alec Baldwin, said that he not only concurred with his colleagues O’Donnell and Maher, but claims that his research in atmospheric phenomena and his long term experiments with wind patterns, co2 cosmology and barometric pressure has convinced him that not only is global warming causing devastating tornadoes, but it is almost certain to have a hand in the recently discovered sporadic mating rituals of the western Phrynosoma platyrhinos, more commonly known as the horny toad.
“My research has led me to conclude that global warming has confused the horny toad and instead of mating, sometimes they just dance for several days and then pass out,” Baldwin said.
Late night talk show host David Letterman acknowledges that he too subscribes to O’Donnell’s dire predictions of global warming doom. Letterman, who was a TV weatherman in Indianapolis years before his success as a talk show host, concurs with fellow forensic meteorologist O’Donnell that global warming is the menacing culprit behind storms, tornadoes and all other weather related unpleasantness.
“I concur with my fellow climate scientist, Rosie O’Donnell,” Letterman recently told Brian Williams on NBC Nightly News.
Renowned research marine physicist and actor, John Travolta, spoke to The Daily Rash from the cockpit of his personal Boeing 707 at 30,000 feet above the debris laden remnants of the state of Missouri.
“My wife and I are flying over Missouri on our way to NY for dinner, and I want to tell America that from the damage I can see below there is no doubt that atmospheric climatologist, Rosie O’Donnell, is correct that global warming is the culprit.”
“This is global warming,” Maher declared on his show Real Time, on HBO. “This is global warming – there’s more moisture – it’s what other scientists have always said. There’s more moisture in the atmosphere. It’s going to cause these giant disasters.”
Rosie O’Donnell concurred with fellow entertainer/scientist, Bill Maher, before returning to her laboratory for another eighteen hour day of strenuous research.