MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obama’s Buttocks

chris matthews MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obamas ButtocksIn the final moments of taping his show on MSNBC today, Chris Matthews invited several of the network’s commentators to pay tribute to Michelle Obama. Following is a transcript of that discussion which will air tonight on MSNBC.

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  A couple of weeks ago the remarkable Michelle Obama celebrated her 50th birthday. I thought we would end tonight’s show by taking a few moments to reflect upon our sensational African American first lady. Ed Schultz, my good union friend, your thoughts on our gracious first lady.

ED SCHULTZ:  I know that she’s a beautiful lady, Chris. I can tell you that.

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  So you wouldn’t kick her out of bed for …

ED SCHULTZ:  For eating crackers? Heck no. She can eat all the crackers she wants. Hell, she can eat a greasy double cheeseburger with a side order of cheesy fries and wipe her hands on the sheets.

AL SHARPTON: (smiling) What would a good lookin’ African American woman of color be doing in bed with a fat white boy like you, Ed?

Ed Schultz 225x300 MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obamas ButtocksED SCHULTZ:  (laughing) Hey, even fat white boys have fantasies.

AL SHARPTON:  Are you frantasizing about Michelle Obama or the double cheeseburger?

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  What about you, Rachel. You’re a lesbian, would you kick the first lady out of bed?

RACHEL MADDOW: (clears her throat) Well, I think Mrs. Obama is a remarkable and inspirational woman, but she’s not really my type.

AL SHARPTON:  Ain’t your type? I hope you’re not talking about her African American color.

RACHEL MADDOW:  Of course I’m not. I just like smaller girls. It’s nothing personal.

AL SHARPTON:  Are you saying Mrs. President’s behind isn’t small enough for you?

RACHEL MADDOW:  No, why would you say that?

AL SHARPTON:  There are some white folks who say she got a big behind.

Al Sharpton 300x275 MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obamas ButtocksCHRIS MATTHEWS:  You know what is big about the first lady? Her heart.

ED SCHULTZ:  She does have a mighty big heart. You don’t have to be a union member to see that.

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  How ’bout you, Melissa?

MELISSA HARRIS-PERRY:  It’sth not justh her heart thatsth big, her compasthion and her unsthelfisthnesth isth sthpectacular alstho.

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  But she’s a good lookin’ woman isn’t she? Don’t you think she’s an attractive African American woman?

MELISSA HARRIS-PERRY:  Of coursth she isth. I think the firsth lady is adorable. And yesth, she’sth alstho very sthexsthy.

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  Everybody knows about my man crush on President Obama, but Mrs. Obama is just too attractive. I could never compete with her.

AL SHARPTON:  Damn right you couldn’t.

ED SCHULTZ:  I like Mrs. Obama’s behind. I’d put a union label on that in a New York minute, let me tell ya.

AL SHARPTON:  Hell yeah. A man’s gotta have something to grab onto.

Melissa Harris Perry 300x263 MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obamas ButtocksMELISSA HARRIS-PERRY:  I don’t think there’sth any questhion Misthes Obama’s buttocksth are sthpectacular.

RACHEL MADDOW:  If I may steer this conversation away from the first lady’s robust hind quarters, I think Mrs. Obama’s focus on social issues has been wonderful.

AL SHARPTON: Are you uncomfortable, Rachel? I’ve noticed that lesbians are more secreeted than the homos are. Why is that?

ED SCHULTZ:  That’s probably why the gays use lube.

RACHEL MADDOW:  I don’t think lesbians are more secretive than gay men, Al, I’m just personally not very open about myself in public. It’s just me, not my sexual orientation.

AL SHARPTON:  I don’t think any woman, be it a lesbo or normal woman, should open up in public. There are lots of weirdos out there with camera phones.

Rachel Maddow 216x300 MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obamas ButtocksMELISSA HARRIS-PERRY:  Christh, shouldn’t we have more of an inclusthive group talking about our beloved firsth lady?

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  Melissa has a valid point. I’m ashamed that we don’t have a Latino voice among us.

RACHEL MADDOW:  Or a transgender voice.

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  I tried to get Bruce Jenner on the show but he’s still recovering from having his adam’s apple removed.

ED SCHULTZ:  And I for one wish him a speedy recovery towards whatever it is he’s becoming. We don’t have an Asian or Native American voice with us either, Chris.

AL SHARPTON: Or a midget.

RACHEL MADDOW:  Or anyone physically challenged.

AL SHARPTON:  Melissa has a lisp.

MELISSA HARRIS-PERRY:  But I don’t know if it allowsth me to be a represthentative for the physthically challenged community, doesth it?

ED SCHULTZ:  As a union man I find your lisp erotic.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Look, I’m the first to admit we have too many white people on this network. My audience knows the distaste I have for the color of my skin. I’ve apologized profusely for being a white male, not just on my show, but in grocery stores and even bus stops. I was born this way and with God as my witness, I’d take my own life if I felt it would save a person of color, a woman, an LGBT person or an undocumented worker from any more pain.

ED SCHULTZ:  I’m with you on that, brother.

(Chris Matthews and Ed Schultz high-five each other)

Michelle Obama 300x206 MSNBC Commentators Fawn Over Michelle Obamas ButtocksMELISSA HARRIS-PERRY: (wiping tear from her eye) That was stho sthweet. Imagine a world where all white men could feel that kind of shame.

AL SHARPTON:  I’ve dedicated my life to shaming whitey.

CHRIS MATTHEWS:  I can only hope that MSNBC’s valiant efforts to disparage, condemn and shame white people has helped our first lady to feel more proud of her country.

RACHEL MADDOW:  I have no doubt the first lady is pleased with our tireless fight.

MELISSA HARRIS-PERRY: (Tears streaming down her face) We love you Misthes Obama!

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