SANFORD, FLA – After George Zimmerman was arrested in April of last year for the murder of Trayvon Martin, the New Black Panther Party placed a $10,000 bounty on his head. This afternoon the group announced they’ve retracted the bounty and will instead use the money for a trip to Disney World. Black Panther Mikhail Muhammad told reporters the revolutionary group has no plans at this time to re-issue the bounty because of George Zimmerman’s acquittal. When asked about his threats of a race war last year, Muhammad thought for a moment before answering.
“The race war has been put on hold until we return from Disney World,” he sighed. “It’s been a long and hard 400 years and nothing can ease the pain of repression like a visit with Mickey Mouse. When I get back I’ll be exploring race riot options with Al Sharpton and Spike Lee. Although I can assure you a race riot is imminent, at this point our timetable is open-ended.”
Anonymous sources close to the New Black Panther Party say that not only was the group unable to raise the $10,000 bounty they’d originally offered for Zimmerman, but the sum total in their petty cash drawer was only $137.47.
“Even members of the Black Panthers were shocked when Mikhail Muhammad told reporters that Zimmerman’s bounty would reach a million dollars,” revealed a confidential insider. “Nobody had heard about any of the sports stars he said would be giving large donations. Fact is, most of the $137 they did accumulate was taken from the monthly dues Black Panther members pay to finance intimidating posters, revolutionary sunglasses and the powdered donuts that are a staple at all revolutionary meetings.”
“The small amount of money the group has in their bounty coffers is barely enough for one person to visit the Magical Kingdom,” a confidential source revealed. “So when Mikhail Muhammad proclaimed that he would be the only Panther going you could feel the tension escalating in the room.”
Mr. Muhammad inherited a somewhat tenuous position of power after he announced to reporters he was the New Black Panther’s national chairman. That title now holds a temporary sway over the other members who dutifully, though unenthusiastically, fall in line. But for those New Black Panthers whose Disney World dreams have been shattered, the revolution may be losing some of its luster. Shanawaz Washington has been a member of the group since December. After he learned he wouldn’t be going to Disney World he shared his thoughts about Mikhail Muhammad.
“If you ask me, Homeboy’s gettin’ a little too big for his britches,” he scowled. “I only joined the Black Panthers so I could scare white folks and bone me some revolutionary bitches. I’ve waited my whole life to visit Disney World. I mean, who don’t wanna go to Disney World? So how come he’s goin’ and I ain’t? Some of that bounty money was mine but you’re not gonna see Shanawaz Washington hangin’ with Mickey Mouse. Ain’t gonna see me gettin’ my picture taken with Dumbo. Nope, I’ll be standing on some street corner, grimacing in my sunglasses with my fist in the air, while Mikhail Muhammad floats around It’s A Small World in a little boat. Where’s the f-ing justice in that sh*t?”
A representative for Disney World said the company received a request from Al Sharpton and the Congressional Black Caucus to promote a “Fight Whitey” day at the amusement park but says the suggestion would have to be considered at the next shareholders meeting before a decision would be reached.